Being a Positive Parent Off and On the Field

Fall sports have begun! Whether your child is six-years-old or 16-years-old, chances are you will soon be dragging your portable lawn chair to a game of football, volleyball, soccer or other sporting event to cheer on your child’s team.

We love watching our kids play, and can’t help wanting to see them succeed.

Most seasoned parents understand the unwritten rules of youth sports etiquette: no belittling the coach, yelling at the referee, berating your child or constant screeching from the sideline. All of these put a negative nametag on youth sports, but there could be another not-so-obvious way we turn youth sports into a negative experience for our kids.

While at a soccer tournament last year, I saw a young player who just finished a game walking with her parents through the parking lot. The girl was about 11-years-old and looked hot and exhausted. As I passed them, I heard her dad commenting on numerous little things that happened during the game—opportunities she had missed or times she wasn’t in the correct position to make a play.

Although the dad’s intentions were good, the look on the young player’s face made me sad. The game was over, she was tired and she didn’t want to relive it all the way home with her parents.

I recently read an article that mentioned a survey asking hundreds of college athletes: “What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?”

The overwhelming response: “The ride home from games with my parents.”

Does this give you a pit in your stomach?

We can’t help it! We sit and watch every game intently on the sideline, so of course we have a long list of “wouldas,” couldas” and “shouldas” for our young athlete. It is in a parent’s nature to try to help their kids become the best they can be. And—whether good or bad—many areas of youth sports have morphed into overly competitive events, but the last thing I want is for my child’s worst memory of his or her sporting experience to include me.

As this sports season begins, let’s make a pact—as parents—to leave the coaching to the coach. Before the game, let’s tell our kids to play hard, do their best and have fun. During the game, let’s encourage and cheer on the whole team. After the game, let’s take off the spectator hat, be parents and tell our kids, “I’m proud of you and I love to watch you play.”