When I had my first baby, many of my friends were also having their first children. We were all new parents together watching our kids roll over for the first time, take first steps and say first words.
Comparing at an Early Age
It was a very exciting and fun time. Even though I knew how precious my own child was, it was hard not to compare what she did with other babies. If other kids seemed to reach developmental milestones before mine did, then I would worry. Was I doing something wrong if my child wasn’t as verbal as another child near the same age? Eating solid foods, drinking from a cup, moving out of a crib, potty training — you name it, it was all out there waiting for comparison.
I look back now and realize how ridiculous that was. Every child is different and develops on a different timetable. No matter how early a baby starts crawling, they all look the same walking into kindergarten. I have a friend whose third child didn’t walk until he was almost 17 months old. Today he is a strapping young teenager who excels in baseball. Who cares about when he started walking?
It would be nice to think that parenting comparisons end when your child enters school, but it doesn’t. In fact, the stakes get higher. Academic performance, music proficiency, athletic prowess and even looks (sad to say) are all thrown in the comparison fishbowl.
Comparing on Social Media
Thanks to Facebook and Instagram, comparing your child to others is put on steroids. Take a look at your Facebook feed and you’ll feel like everyone else’s child is headed to Harvard and then on to the NBA while you are doing a happy dance because your child finally remembered to hang her towel up in the bathroom.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” He’s right because when we compare, we are usually comparing our worst with someone else’s best. When it comes to social media, we are likely comparing our worst with someone else’s exaggerated, filtered-photo best.
Celebrate the Individuality and Uniqueness of Your Children
So… what’s the answer? I’m still working on that one. I continually remind myself that every person is uniquely and wonderfully made and not everyone fits into the perfect box that defines success in middle and high school. Many talents are more subtle and can’t be photographed and posted online. Most people don’t discover their true passion and purpose in life until they are well into adulthood.
As parents, we simply have to love and celebrate our children for who they are and how God made them. Pushing them to be like someone else is a recipe for disaster. How do you deal with the temptation to compare your kids and parenting to others?
Anne Blankenbiller
K-12 & Teens
Most of my mornings, afternoons, and evenings are spent driving the kids here and there—and then back to here again. Every child is a gift on loan from God. As parents, our job is to raise that child to be an independent adult who can contribute to the world using the gifts and talents he or she was given. It is hands-down the most important job on earth!
