If you’ve seen the movie Inside Out, you’re probably familiar with the idea of “core memories.” In the movie, they’re the moments that become part of who we are, the experiences we carry with us long after they’ve happened, shaping our personalities, values and the way we see the world.
Certain Moments Shape Who We Become
While psychologists would tell us that memories are far more complex than the movie portrays, I still love the idea behind it – that certain moments stay with us and quietly shape who we become.
As moms, it’s easy to become consumed with creating those kinds of moments for our own children. We want family outings, vacations, holidays and even ordinary Saturdays to feel magical. Sometimes that desire comes from wanting to give our kids the childhood we always dreamed of. Other times, it can be fueled by scrolling through social media and seeing picture-perfect moments that make it seem like everyone else is creating memories effortlessly.
For some moms, that’s inspiring. For others, it creates an overwhelming amount of pressure. The pressure to make every experience unique, every celebration extraordinary and every season filled with unforgettable adventures. Before long, we’re exhausted, wondering if we’re doing enough.
Reflecting On My Own Childhood Memories
As my family settled in for a 9½-hour road trip to Hochatown, Oklahoma, my mind wandered to my own childhood. I found myself replaying childhood memories.
Some are incredibly vivid. I can still picture the day a rattlesnake slithered onto our front porch while my mom stood at a safe distance, spraying it with a garden hose in an attempt to scare it away. Others are ordinary like playing soccer in the sweltering summer heat, wearing purple uniforms and earning unmistakable shin guard tan lines.
Growing up in the 1990s looked very different than raising kids in 2026. My parents weren’t talking about creating “core memories,” and they certainly weren’t trying to curate a childhood that would look good in a photo album or on social media.
I’m sure they never would have chosen for one of my lasting childhood memories to be the day my pet rabbit died while I was away. Yet that’s one of the memories that stayed with me.
I Can’t Control Which Moments Stay With My Children
Somewhere along that long drive with my six-year-old and three-year-old, I had a realization that felt incredibly freeing. My parents couldn’t control which moments stayed with me. And I can’t control which moments will stay with my children.
The moments they remember probably won’t be the ones I spend weeks planning. They may remember an unexpected roadside stop, a silly joke around the dinner table or an ordinary Tuesday night when we danced in the kitchen.
That’s both the beauty and the mystery of childhood. We don’t get to decide what becomes a “core memory.” We simply get the privilege of showing up, loving our kids well and trusting that the moments that matter most will find their way into their hearts.
Creating A Memorable Home
I realized something else. Maybe it’s not just about collecting memorable moments. Maybe it’s about creating a memorable home.
Not a perfect home but one with a certain feeling. A place where our children feel safe, loved, encouraged and accepted. The atmosphere of our home or the “vibe,” if you will, is built in the ordinary moments that happen every single day.
It’s shaped by the way my husband and I speak to one another, how we respond when things don’t go as planned, how we handle stress, apologize, welcome others into our home and care for our own physical, mental and emotional health.
Ordinary Moments Coming Together To Create A Vibe
When I think about it that way, I realize my children’s childhood isn’t defined by a handful of highlight-reel moments. It’s defined by thousands of ordinary ones woven together to create a vibe.
At first, that sounds like even more pressure. But for me, it’s actually been freeing.
It reminds me that I don’t have to manufacture magic every weekend or create an Instagram-worthy adventure every time school is out. The pressure to make every experience unforgettable begins to fade because I know the greatest gift I can give my children isn’t a perfectly curated childhood, it’s a home where they consistently feel loved.
Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz
I’m originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
Justin and I are both small business owners—his in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to be—it’s demanding, exhausting, and often messy—but I can’t wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!
