Rites of Passage Through Grandma’s Eyes: What’s Changed?

I’ve always considered the end of every school year to be a rite of passage. Both students and educators go through a similar routine of cleaning out lockers or files, saying “See you next year!” and making special summer plans. Though each year seems to have a similar pattern, if you look closely, each year is very unique. A certain class, individual, or your summer plans make the end of each year special.

The end of this school year brought this grandparent two unique rites of passage: a confirmation for our youngest grandchild and a high school graduation for our oldest grandchild. I was very curious how I would react to each of these milestones.

I remember crying during both of my daughters’ confirmation and graduation ceremonies. I’m sure part of my emotion came from excitement, pride for their accomplishments, worries about their future and wonderment at how our relationships would evolve.

This year, during my grandkids’ rites of passage, I didn’t cry. Their mothers cried, but I didn’t. I was thrilled, but I didn’t shed any tears. I wondered why. Am I not a caring grandma? (Of course I am!) As I’ve aged, have I lost the ability to have emotions? (I don’t think so!) Am I so old that I nodded off during the ceremonies? (Maybe!)

Perhaps the reason I didn’t cry was because I have a different relationship with my grandkids than I had with my daughters/their mothers. Watching their ceremonies, I immediately had this vision of an umbilical cord. With my daughters, cutting the umbilical cord during the births was painful—figuratively, of course. As a grandma, umbilical cord cuttings have not been painful at all—figuratively, of course. Again, I wondered why?

• Is it because I’ve already experienced these rites of passage?
• Is it because I have more trust in the potential outcome?
• Is it because I’m not responsible for possible screw-ups?
• Is it because, this time around, I can just sit back and enjoy the experience?

I didn’t have the answers back then—though, I always thought I did—and I don’t have the answers now. And that’s okay by me.

I’m not naïve enough to think all grandmas will have similar experiences to mine, but I do know being a grandma is a different experience than being a mom, and it’s one that I’m glad to be a part of. I’m thrilled to be involved in each and every rite of passage!

How did you react to your child or grandchild’s recent “rites of passage”? Tell us in the comments below!