Letting Your Kids Fail

If I were able to choose success or failure for my kids, I would obviously choose success. But, a few weeks ago I had to choose failure. And it was so hard.

It happened on a Friday morning in the van on the way to school. I had dropped off my middle school girls at Lincoln Lutheran and was on the way to Messiah Elementary to drop off Ben.

Suddenly, an “Oh, no!” comes from the back of the van. Fearing that Ben’s seatbelt was strangling him, I almost pulled off the road.

He proceeded to explain that he had forgotten his reading log at home; I knew exactly what he was talking about. Ben and his 4th grade classmates must each read a certain amount of minutes per week and record their reading time each day on a reading log that is turned in every Friday. Ben had been behind that week, and he actually got up early that morning to finish his minutes.

Here is the kicker: If you don’t turn in your reading log, you don’t get a “Friday goodie.” A Friday goodie is a cheap little party store toy that usually breaks before we get home; but, to a 10-year-old it is the most valuable, sought-after item on the planet.

The depression in the back seat filled the van. Ben’s voice cracked as he begged me to go home and get his reading log and bring it to school.

I admit that 99.9% of me wanted to whip that van around and speed home to pick up that little piece of paper for my precious little guy. After all, he did finish his reading minutes, and he sounded so sad. How could I, as his mother, send him off to school on such a bad note?

But, I took a deep breath and told him, “No, I don’t have time to do that today.” (It was a lie – but don’t tell him.)

It was very hard not to be Supermom and save the day, but my hope is that it pays off in the long run. Today it was a simple reading log … tomorrow it could be a band instrument, his soccer cleats, an important research paper, or rent on his first apartment. My goal is to not only teach my kids to be responsible and remember what they need to remember, but also to teach them to solve their own problems when they arise. It is easier to learn this lesson now — when it only involves missing out on a Friday goodie.

I know this isn’t the last time in life that Ben will forget something, but, when that day comes, I’d like to think that his first instinct won’t be to have his mom bail him out.