The Awkward Phone Call

About a year ago, my freshman daughter told me that a friend of hers (who happened to be a boy) had invited her over to his house on a Saturday night along with a handful of other freshmen kids to “hang out.”

Are the Parents Going to Be Home?

My husband and I had never met this boy and knew very little about him and the other friends he had invited to his home. Of course, my first response was to ask a normal series of questions to gather a little information, such as:

• Who is this boy?
• How do you know him?
• Where does he live?
• Who are the friends?
• How do you know them?
• What are their grade point averages?
• What are their social security numbers?
• Do any of them have a criminal record?

Maybe that is a little extreme. But the most important question I had to ask was: Are his parents going to be home?

She answered, “Yes,” but I knew I couldn’t just leave it at that. I knew I had to make the phone call. So I asked my daughter to get a phone number for the boy’s parents.

Did I want to make this phone call to parents I didn’t know—and who didn’t know my daughter? No.

Was this going to be an awkward conversation? Most likely, yes.

As a parent, could I afford not to make this call? Absolutely not.

As I dialed his dad’s phone number, I wondered why I hadn’t made my husband make this call. I tried to come up with something normal-sounding to say that didn’t make me seem like a weirdo parent or one accusing them of having crazy unsupervised teenage parties.

The conversation actually went very well. I explained that my daughter was coming to his house and that we didn’t know them and they didn’t know us. I said I thought it would be a good idea to call before she came over to make a connection and to make sure that they were okay with a group of kids being at their house.

This dad completely understood my phone call and thoroughly appreciated it. He assured me that he would be there the whole time and let me know when the party was to be over so I would know when to pick up my daughter.

Parents Sticking Together

Experienced parents know that as your kids get older—especially when they get into high school—they get new friends that you don’t know. Those comfortable friends (and their families) from third grade that you knew so well from skating parties and school field trips have drifted off to other schools or new friend groups. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s a part of life and growing up, but it requires parents to be extra vigilant.

No matter how much our kids try to convince us otherwise, it is okay to call another parent before your teen spends time at their house. If your child cannot drive and you are dropping them off at a friend’s house, it is okay to go to the door to meet the parents face-to-face. If a child is being dropped off at your house, it is okay to go outside and make a face-to-face connection with whomever is dropping them off.

The bottom line is that it is important to have some information about where your child is spending time and with whom they are spending it.

Dear moms and dads, we are all in this parenting game together, and we are on the same team. No one wants to send their teen into a situation that could become uncomfortable, dangerous, inappropriate or unsuitable for their age.

So go ahead and make that awkward phone call. If you are on the receiving end of the call, be extra friendly and thankful your child is spending time with a friend whose parents care.