Questions Working Moms Quietly Ask Themselves

This month, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the mom who works outside the home.

Before I go any further, I want to say something that feels important. Parenting is a full-time job, whether you also work outside the home or not. In fact, some research has found that parents who stay home full time with their children often report higher levels of stress. The work of managing a household, caring for children and carrying the invisible mental load is real work. It is often unseen, unrecognized and without the promotions, performance reviews or bonuses that exist in many careers.

To the moms who are home with their children full time – I see you. I admire you. I know that your days are filled with countless tasks that often go unnoticed, and I imagine they can also feel lonely or isolating at times.

Questions That Surface For Moms Who Work Outside The Home

This blog isn’t meant to compare those experiences or suggest one path is harder than the other. Both are challenging. Both are meaningful. Both often involve circumstances that are outside of our control. My hope is simply to talk about a different set of questions, the ones that tend to surface for moms who leave home to go to work each day.

Maybe working outside the home wasn’t your first choice, but it’s what makes the most sense financially for your family. Maybe you invested years into your education and love using those skills. Maybe your career gives you purpose and fulfillment. Maybe you’re deeply passionate about your work. Or maybe you simply work because it provides for the people you love.

However you arrived here, you probably know the emotional tug-of-war that can happen during the drive to daycare or school.

One question seems to come up over and over again:

Is Working Outside The Home The Best Thing For My Children?

Even if working is necessary. Even if your income is essential. Even if you genuinely love what you do.

I’m not sure there’s one “correct” answer. In fact, I think the answer can change depending on the season of life or even the kind of day you’re having. But I do think it’s a worthwhile question to ask because it keeps us reflecting on the kind of parent we want to be.

For me, the answer is yes.

As a personal trainer, I want my children to see me doing something I genuinely love. I want them to know that helping women become stronger isn’t just my job, it’s a purpose that feels deeply meaningful to me.

When my son was in kindergarten, he was having a tough time in P.E. I remember telling him, “Mom is basically a P.E. teacher for adults.” That simple explanation clicked for him. I help people move their bodies. I help women discover that strength doesn’t have a certain look and that movement can actually bring joy. Those are lessons I hope my children carry with them long after they’re grown.

I also think there’s a spectrum of how career-driven mothers are, and I don’t believe one end is better than the other. Some women feel deeply called to their work. Others see it primarily as a way to support their families. Most of us probably land somewhere in between.

Making A Choice And Taking Ownership In That

As a small business owner, I’ve also had to learn that loving your work comes with its own challenges. There is always one more email. One more client text. One more detail that feels urgent. My work doesn’t stay neatly at the office when I come home, it follows me everywhere. I think about my clients constantly because I care deeply about them. I chose this life, and I take ownership of that.

But I’ve also had to learn that not every text needs an immediate response just because it’s burning a hole in my pocket. Setting boundaries isn’t just good for business, it’s essential for my mental health. And my mental health directly affects the kind of mother I am.

I’ve learned that motherhood is a place where opposing emotions can exist at the same time, each one just as true as the other. You can miss your children fiercely while also loving your work. You can feel guilty and grateful. You can question your choices while still believing you’re making the right ones.

Both things can be true.

So, to the moms who work outside the home and silently question themselves somewhere between daycare drop-off and the office parking lot, I see you. I’m asking those same questions, too. And maybe that’s exactly what reminds us we’re not alone.