A Blog for My Husband

A Blog for My Husband

This blog is written for my husband. Most fathers don’t receive the credit they deserve. Well, at least mine doesn’t. When we got married nine years ago, we decided to have kids right away. We just didn’t think it would happen quite so fast. We were thrown into parenthood at the age of 24 and on our first wedding anniversary we had a one-month-old. My husband thrived as a dad. When our daughter was born we thought we had this parenting this down. And then we thought “why not add more to our plate!” Read More

Am I Pushing My Kids Too Hard?

Am I Pushing My Kids Too Hard?

We all want what’s best for our children. But our idea of what’s best for them might not always be what they want. Recently, I’ve noticed myself giving my children little nudges towards the decision I think is correct and what they should make. Now I’m trying to find that delicate balance between encouraging and pushing too hard.

When my son was younger, we made the decision to wait until he was in kindergarten to enroll him in any kind of sports or activities. Now, he’s in second grade and continues to play soccer, and loves it. However, my daughter wanted to take gymnastics. She’s 4 years old and just started preschool. We enrolled her this summer and she seemed to enjoy it and was actually pretty good (that’s not just a mom being proud of her daughter, she was actually good for her age). But now she doesn’t want to do gymnastics, she wants to dance. I’m torn because I want her to stay in gymnastics, but she’s only 4…how big of push should I give her?

I believe getting my kids to do things that are challenging for them will teach them grit and flexibility while also widening their worldview; whether it’s participating in sports, trying out for a play or engaging in any new social situation. But, you always hear famous athletes, singers, dancers say they’ve been doing this talent since they could walk. I see talent in both my children. Shouldn’t I push them to see their potential? My fear is that pushing my children too far can cause them to retreat inward, become resentful or develop even greater anxiety about trying new things.

Is it in their best interest if I push?

I push Cohen academically, urging him to study harder in school. I also push him to try new things and meet new people. I think it gives Cohen a sense of confidence and accomplishment when getting through something fun but challenging. I realized that the most important factor is knowing when and how much to push by thinking about their personality. If I’m met with resistance, then it might be time to examine how my motivations for pushing him in a certain direction. Cohen is older and more outgoing than my daughter Collyns. She is more reserved and I’m worried about pushing her too hard.

So should I push her more?

I don’t want her to make the same mistakes I made. When I was younger I participated in clogging, baton twirling, basketball, volleyball, track, swimming, gymnastics…I did it all! I want her to find something she loves and sticks with it. But how can she find something she wants to do unless I enroll her in all the different activities? But again, she’s only 4!

When it came to gymnastics practice, I repeatedly asked Collyns if she wanted to go and her response was NO every time. So, even though we paid for the month, we didn’t make her go. I felt she might be feeling too pressured, and it was important for me to take a step back. I didn’t want her to feel overwhelmed. I praised her for trying something new and told her how successful she was at gymnastics. I guess it’s on to dance class!

I don’t want either of my kids to feel pressured, especially from me, but I do want them to realize that if they commit to something they should at least try. My goal is to motivate them and help them along the way, even if it’s with a little push.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

What Anxiety Feels Like When You’re a Mom

What Anxiety Feels Like When You’re a Mom

Today has been a rough day. No wait, it’s been a rough couple of weeks! Recently, anxiety told me I couldn’t be a mom, wife, daughter, friend or co-worker. Some days it brings me to my knees and makes me cry for hours. It makes me hide in my room, afraid for my husband and kids to see me so upset. Anxiety makes me believe I’m not good enough.

When It Gets to Be Too Much

Recently, the stress of my job, daily life, and being an organized wife and mother brought me to tears. I cried out for help from my husband and my mother. As a mom, I struggle with the daily demands. I think of myself as a very organized person. But some days I just want to throw the toys in the air, that I just picked up, and say no.

I asked myself why. Why do I have to be the one who pays the bills? Signs the kids up for activities and takes them to doctor’s appointments? Why do I have to lay their clothes out for the week ahead? Make sure their homework is done? It just kept going and I needed help.

Asking for Help

My husband witnessed my meltdown and was frustrated. Not necessarily at me, but he’d never seen me this overwhelmed. He thought he did something wrong. However, it was just the stress of my daily life. My husband realized he needed to step in and help. He asked my mom to watch the kids for an hour so we could sit down and figure out how I could be less stressed.

After deciding what my husband could take off my plate and realizing that I could ask for help, I felt relieved. I could breathe again and not be so caught up in my head with the constant: “Now I need to do this, then I need to do this and don’t forget about this, but first finish this.”

Take Time for You

I want others to know that even though someone appears put together on the outside, we are all struggling with things on the inside. There’s no such thing as perfect. Some anxiety is easier to deal with than others. Mine was realizing I could and need to ask for help.

Some other moms I talked to about dealing with anxiety suggest a form of therapy. Activities like meditation, acupuncture, meditation, exercising, journaling or visiting with a therapist can really help.  The moral of this story? Remember to take the time to care for you, and never be afraid to reach out for help when needed.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

Remember there is help and there is hope. If you’re concerned about overcoming anxiety, Bryan Health has the support you need. Take our free, confidential online screening now.

Living in the Moment

Living in the Moment

In high school, we had to take a survey that asked, “When will you be living your best life?” Childhood, high school, college, adult or retirement? But why is life broken down by stages? Wouldn’t it be better to live in the moment? Read More

Making Friends in Your 30s

Making Friends in Your 30s

Making new friends is difficult at any age. Though, arguably, the older I get, the harder it becomes. No longer can I rely on a lucky class schedule or a gaggle of neighborhood kids when it comes to making connections. At a certain age, now, I actually kind of have to, you know, work for it (ugh). Read More

Parent Confession: I Hate Doing Homework

Parent Confession: I Hate Doing Homework

I have a confession to make. I hate homework. I hate doing it. I hate helping with it. I hate the mere existence of it. It started in kindergarten, and year by year, it gets worse. I already did 15+ years of it myself. Now, I have many more years of helping my kids with their homework! Read More

Mommy Me Time

Mommy Me Time

We all have our mommy to-do lists. After dropping off the kids, working a full day with deadlines that never end, picking up the kids, making dinner, doing homework, giving baths, reading stories before bed and doing housework, I am too tired to do anything for me. I just put on my pjs and go to sleep. I know that tomorrow will be the same as today. That’s why I realized that taking time for myself is necessary. Read More

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