Traveling with little ones is an adventure in itself, and taking my two-year-old, Zoey, and four-year-old, Max, to Disney World was no exception! From navigating airport security with a stroller to keeping them entertained on the flight, I learned a lot about what works (and what doesnât) when flying with young kids. If youâre planning a trip with toddlers, a little preparation can go a long way in making travel smootherâfor them and for you. Here are my best tips to help keep everyone happy (including yourself).
1. Talk About What to Expect
A week before our trip, we started prepping Max by walking through what travel day would look likeâdriving to the airport, checking in, going through security and boarding the plane. Heâs naturally curious and loves to know whatâs coming next, so this helped ease any uncertainty. Plus, talking about the plane ride in advance got him excited, turning it into an adventure instead of something unfamiliar.
2. Pack Yourself First
I always save packing for myself until last, which makes it feel like an afterthought. This time, I packed my own things first, which made the entire process way less stressful. And momsâdonât forget your book. You might just get lucky and have a peaceful moment to read on the flight!
3. Pack Smart: The Personal Item Hack
Each of my kids gets a personal item (since they have their own tickets), so my husband and I pack them backpacks Mary Poppins styleâfilled with all the essentials to keep them happy.
Must-haves:
Tons of snacksâespecially a “special treat” they donât get often (for us, thatâs M&Ms) as an incentive to get settled on the plane.
Empty sippy cups to fill after security, plus milk purchased near the gate (my kids are big milk drinkers).
Small, inexpensive toys like fidget spinners and coloring booksâthings theyâll enjoy but wonât be devastated to lose.
A pro tip: Bring out one toy at a time, and keep the next one a surprise to maintain excitement!
4. Pack an Emergency Kit
In my carry-on, I include:
An extra change of clothes for everyone (if youâve ever experienced a blowout at 30,000 feet, you get it).
Essentials weâd need within 24 hours in case checked bags are delayed (medicine, pacifiers, thermometer and blankets).
5. Burn Off Energy Before Boarding
Once we get through security, our goal is to let the kids move as much as possible before being confined to a seat. If we find an empty space, we let them run around. Iâm also that parent who lets my kids play on the airport floor if it means burning off energy before takeoffâno shame!
6. Understand the Power of Screens
Before our trip, I downloaded a mix of new and favorite shows onto the iPad. Max was extra motivated to behave when I told him he could watch a brand-new movie on the plane. He stayed locked in for 90 minutesâevery parentâs dream! Pro tip: Donât forget the headphones!
7. Give Yourself Grace
Traveling with kids is unpredictable, so patience and flexibility are key. There will be meltdowns, surprises and moments where you question why you ever left home. But stay calmâyour kids feed off your energy. Ignore the judgmental glances from other passengers and remember: âYouâre doing your best, and thatâs enough.â
8. Plan a Post-Trip Recharge
Traveling with kids is exhausting, so schedule some downtime when you get back. Whether itâs a solo hour to decompress, an afternoon to unpack in peace or even a massage, make time for yourself.
Happy travels, mamas! You got this.
Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz
Iâm originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
Justin and I are both small business ownersâhis in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to beâitâs demanding, exhausting, and often messyâbut I canât wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!
The weather has been cold lately and Holmes Lake was frozen over. We went ice skating as a family multiple times and it was so much fun. We made amazing memories. It’s 60 degrees todayâand I am excited, don’t get me wrongâbut I want it to get cold again so we can get back out! It was just amazing.
Rachelâs Dimmer & Glimmer
We went ice skating once on a very frigid day. Everybody’s cheeks were pink by the time we were done. But it was just as magical. My kids have been asking, “When do we get to go ice skating again?” And the reason we haven’t gone again is my dimmer.
Last month, I mentioned that my husband built a basement build. It’s an amazing spot for our kids with a ladder, a loft and a slide. Our kids have been loving it, Ashlee’s kids have been loving it, and there’s been lots of play dates spent playing on it. But my two-year-old decided to jump off the fourth step of the ladder, which was a big drop.
I wasn’t home. I was teaching a dance class. When I got home, Finley was asleep in John’s arms, and he said, “She just cried herself to sleep. I think she broke her foot.” I called Ashlee right away and told her I needed to take Finley to Urgent Care. It closed in 40 minutes. Ashlee watched my other two kids, which was so amazing. Again, we come back to friendships in motherhoodâit takes a village. I was so grateful my other kids didn’t have to sit through the appointment. They could have, but it just worked out so much better for them to be at a friend’s house.
Thankfully, the doctors did not find a break. They were just as shocked as we were due to how much pain she was in. We still don’t really know if it was a bruised bone or a small fracture on her growth plate. She stayed in a splint for a little under a week, and now she’s walking. She’s still favoring her other foot slightly.
It’s a dimmer because it happened, but it’s also a little bit of a glimmer because she’s recovering, and thankfully it’s not broken. It’s amazing how kids’ bodies heal.
Tips for Getting Kids Out the Door
Let’s get to our topic for the day, which is helping our kids leave the house when they’re feeling overwhelmed. We’ll talk about how to handle and be with kids in their emotions.
Parenting Kids with Big Emotions
Rachel: There’s a podcast I’ve started listening to in the last two months or so called the “Calm Parenting Podcast.” It’s by Kirk Martin. If I’m being honest, I tell everybody I know about this podcast. I just think it is parenting gold. It’s very to the point.
Ashlee: He’s direct. You’re going to get a lot of content out of a little bit of time, which is really nice.
Rachel: He talks a lot about helping parents be calm and deal with strong-willed kids and their big emotions. So that’s what we’re going to talk about todayânot necessarily a strong-willed kid, but kids having big emotions about leaving and what we can do.
Comparing Parenting Approaches
Rachel: There are two main, completely opposite parenting styles that some parents use: authoritarian and permissive. We’re going to be very careful not to label parents because in certain situations, we can all lean more one way than the other. We are not inherently authoritarian or permissive. We’re human beings responding to situations, and so many outside factors can contribute to how we respond.
Ashlee: Absolutely. I don’t feel comfortable labeling anybody, and I wouldn’t want to do that for myself. We still think it’s helpful to know about these parenting styles so they’re easier to picture in your mind. Once you know about them, you can better know how you want to respond.
Rachel: The first one is authoritarian, which is strict obedience. If you’re trying to get out the door and your kid doesn’t want to, this is the parent who is going to say, “You’re going to get in the car right now because I said so, and I don’t want to hear another word.” Pretty simple.
The other type is permissive. This is more mushy gushy and more about giving into your kids’ feelings. A permissive parent might say something like, “Oh, what’s bugging you? Can you tell me more? I’m so sorry.”
Ashlee: This might even include talking to them more like a baby, which can feel condescending and play into their feelings in the wrong way. We’re not saying not to be kind, but this can be a little too mushy.
Rachel: The problem that can happen with this is that you’re not actually leading your kid to move forward and get out the door. You’re sitting in this feeling, and then you’re both just stagnant. That’s why we want to talk about both of these two types of parenting styles.
Ashlee: With the authoritarian style, you’re not teaching your kid compliance out of connection. It’s compliance out of fear. That’s not something that we want to create, and I imagine that lots of other parents feel the same way, even if that’s something you experienced growing up in your home. We want to teach compliance out of a connection that still gets us moving forward.
To be honest, when I was growing up and learning more about my own communication styles, I was very much in a permissive state myself. When someone came to me with something, I would either be a little judgy, or I would just sit with them, but then I wouldn’t know how to move forward out of that. I didn’t know how to move beyond that, and I needed tools. I’m so grateful that being married, having conversations with counselors and my spouse and reading books has given me more effective communication tools that work for us.
Authoritative Leadership Style
Rachel: Putting those two parenting styles together is the goal. The authoritative leadership style is a mix of authoritarian and permissive. Here’s a glimpse into what that might look like. Say your child is sitting at the door, and they’re crying because they don’t want to go somewhere. You’re not going to say, “Get in the car right now because I said so.” You’re also not going to get mushy gushy. Instead, you’re going to recognize their feelings and connect with them.
An example that was in the podcast was, “Is your tummy kind of hurting right now?” To form a connection, you can say things like, “When I don’t want to go somewhere, I feel similar to that. My tummy also hurts sometimes.” This normalizes the feeling so your kids know that they’re not the only ones who don’t want to go somewhere, or the only ones whose tummies hurt when they don’t want to go somewhere. They’ll feel connected to you and want to hear more. You can then say, “When I don’t want to go somewhere and my tummy hurts, here are some tools for how I get through it.” After all, a lot of the time, once you get there, you end up having fun and being grateful that you went.
Removing the Rush
Rachel: Recently, I’ve been subbing for my seven-year-old’s dance class. I hadn’t taught dance in five years or so. Before I went to the first class, I was sweating and feeling anxious of the unknowns. That would be a great example of telling a child, “This is how I was feeling, and this is what I did. I got there early. I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to make sure I had my music ready. I wanted to make sure the studio was cleared out and prepared.” Say your child has a class they don’t want to go to. You can say things like, “Let’s get there 10 minutes early so you can watch the class before yours and see what the other kids are doing. You can make sure you have a spot for your shoes and your coat. You’ll be prepared.”
Ashlee: I personally am terrible at time management and constantly working on it, but showing up early takes the rush out of it. Anytime you take rush out of something, the emotions go way down. This also gives you the time to manage your kiddos’ emotions when they do pop up.
Rachel: That way, you’re not anxious yourself about being late for a class you already paid for. Your kids can feel that anxiety just as much as you can, and that doesn’t help.
Balancing Understanding & Encouragement
Rachel: I brought up this topic idea to Ashlee last night, and she had a light bulb moment where she realized that this had just happened with her daughter.
Ashlee: Yes, and actually, I had it happen with both my kiddos. I had one kiddo who didn’t want to go to her activity. She was putting up some resistance. I held my ground and said, “I hear you.” Part of it was that she didn’t know which teachers were going to be there that day, and she loves having that consistency. There were going to be unknowns, so I listened to her, but I also said, “You’re going to go. It’s okay.” I wasn’t saying it mean or being forceful. She just knew that I wasn’t going to budge on this one.
She ended up going. She was a little grumpy when she left, but she went. She doesn’t do this very often, so we knew something was up. Dad took her to get a smoothie on the way because he could sense it too, and I love that he responded in that way. The next day, she wasn’t feeling very good. I figured this was probably why, and we talked about it.
The Importance of Being Grounded
Ashlee: Then the next day, my other kiddo needed to get going, and she kept pouting. I lost it. I went into a little spiral about how much I do to try and help her out. She left and I felt terrible. We talked about it when she got back. She’s allowed to have her emotions, but I was not grounded, and it triggered me. I was internally struggling with something so I couldn’t be there for her in that moment.
Giving Yourself & Your Child Grace
Rachel: There are so many factors that contribute to the way that we respond. It can be how much sleep we got the night before, the relationship that we’re currently having with our spouse, or feeling overstimulated by your environment. There are so many things that can make you flip a switch, and then you end up regretting it when the moment passes. Give yourself grace and know that you will not always be perfect. We’re aiming for authoritative leadership, but we realize that it’s not possible 100% of the time because we’re humans.
Ashlee: Absolutely. We are constantly barraged with challenges each day and new situations that we’ve not come up against before as moms. We’re trying to help our kids effectively communicate their emotions and start learning how to do that at a young age, and that is an amazing thing. But emotions are so complex, and our own emotions are going to color how we see certain situations. So have grace. If your immediate response isn’t ideal, take a pause and have grace with yourself knowing you’re trying to do something hard.
Rachel: Our kids are learning this new skill, and they are going to mess up just like we do. They’re not always going to express their emotions in ways we appreciate. They’re going to tick us off. It’s just like a kid learning to tie their shoes. They’re not going to get it on their first try. They’re going to need to try over and over and over again before they get it right. And our emotions are the same way.
Say What You Mean, Just Donât Say It Mean
Ashlee: Something I’ve been saying this week is, “Say what you mean, but you don’t have to say it mean.” This gives me something to say when my little one says something that comes across mean or demanding. It takes my emotions out of it and helps me not overreact. I can just say, “Hey, bud, I hear you. Say what you mean, just don’t say it mean.”
Parenting Do-Overs
Rachel: I love that. Another thing I have used in the past is the act of a do-over. You can say to your kid, “I actually don’t like how I responded just now. Would you let me try it again? Would you let me have a do-over?” You’re showing your kid that you’re not perfect and would like to try to do better.
Ashlee: The art of repair is amazing. That’s exactly what I did with Anna the other day. When she got home, I wrapped her up in a big, warm embrace and owned what was mine. I told her, “I messed up, but I love you and I support you.”
Rachel: Showing vulnerability when we mess up also gives our kids permission to mess up and not be so hard on themselves.
Ashlee: If you’ve got situations where you’re trying to get your kiddos out the door and emotions are flying all over the place, just know we’re right there with you. You’re not alone. We hope this helps you remember to continue trying to approach it with love and connection. Thank you for joining us this month!
Ashlee Hendricks
Real Life Conversations Host
I am a mom to three awesome kids: Ellie, Anna, and Levi. My husband Jon works as a professor at the UNL Business College. While we are not natives to Lincoln (this year marks five years in Nebraska), I did grow up on a dairy farm in southwest Missouri and feel quite at home here. I work as a full-time mom and a part-time nurse at a clinic here in town.
As a family, we are happiest outside and having adventures. We lived in South Carolina before moving here so weâve had to toughen up quite a bit! We love biking, camping and anything involving water. I have been supported and inspired by so many amazing women and men along my parenting journey. Rachel and I have talked a lot about our shortcomings and wins as moms. I hope as we share some of our story that youâll find some relatable information that can nurture and inspire you wherever you are on your journey as a parent. We are all in this together!
Rachel Robinson
Real Life Conversations Host
I was born and raised in Lincoln. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three amazing kids named Ellie, Brecken, and Finley. I worked as a PE teacher at Scott Middle School for 8.5 years and turned into a SAHM when my second kiddo was born. I love being home with my kids. It is so fulfilling to me to be home with them through each stage, to care for them and to be a part of the little details and the big moments in their lives.
My husband, John, is a menâs gymnastics coach at the University of Nebraska. Our kids love to go to the gym and play. We love that they now have a relationship with the college athletes. It is really fun. Go Big Red! I am very excited to be chatting about things motherhood here on CapitalMom. I hope you enjoy and are able to relate as we share our motherhood journeys.
Do you have aches and pains? Want to move easier? Interested in ways to improve your childâs strength and balance? Whatever goal you may have for yourself, your child or a family member, there are different ways aquatic therapy can help.
What is Aquatic Therapy?
Aquatic therapy is physical therapy that takes place in the pool. It can help:
An added benefit of aquatic therapy is that the water removes gravity, relieving pressure and impact on joints.
Who Benefits from Aquatic Therapy?
Anyone!
Aquatic therapy is great for any child with physical limitations or developmental delays. It is used to improve strength and flexibility, while focusing on body awareness, processing sensory input, coordination and learning how to move muscles in new ways.
For adults, aquatic therapy provides a safe, effective environment to positively impact movement, strength and overall health. Because it takes place in the water, it is low-impact and low-weight bearing, which allows people to participate in exercises that may be too difficult to complete on land. This can promote joint health, decrease pain and improve balance.
What to Expect During an Aquatic Therapy Session
Sessions are held in a warm pool, guided by a physical therapist. Patients perform a series of exercises tailored to their condition and goals. These exercises may include walking in water, resistance exercises using aquatic equipment or relaxation techniques.
How Can I Get Started?
Whatever your activity level, ability or age, aquatic therapy is a great place to begin your journey to improve health. It can help your child keep up with their peers on the playground. It can help you feel ready for the hike you want to take this summer. It can even help grandparents that want to be able to kick the ball around with their grandchild. Aquatic therapy can help you achieve any physical goal!
If youâre interested in aquatic therapy, talk to your provider about a referral. Bryan LifePointe offers aquatic therapy, and our physical therapists canât wait to meet you!
I first heard about Galentineâs Day from Parks and Recreation, where Amy Poehlerâs character, Leslie Knope, made it a tradition to celebrate female friendships on February 13th. Honestly, she was onto somethingâbecause while motherhood is incredibly rewarding, it can also feel isolating, even when surrounded by family. Thatâs why I cherish my mom friends. From swapping stories about potty training and breastfeeding to offering words of encouragement, these friendships bring laughter, sanity and much-needed support. Whether weâre venting, celebrating or grabbing coffee, they remind me Iâm not alone in the chaosâthereâs comfort in knowing other moms are navigating the same struggles and emotions.
The Importance of Having Mom Friends
Motherhood has its own unique set of challenges, and having mom friends has made all the difference. They just get itâthe exhaustion, the overstimulation and the overwhelming love we pour into our kids while still craving a little time for ourselves. My mom friends provide a safe space to ventâfree from judgmentâand remind me that Iâm not alone. Time with them helps reduce my stress and anxiety. One of the greatest comforts? Knowing that everyone struggles with #momguilt, whether itâs balancing work and family or using extra screen time just to get through the day.
I love connecting with friends whose kids are the same age as mine, but I also appreciate those with older and younger childrenâwe all learn from each other. We swap parenting tips, like which potty training seat actually works (and which one to avoid). When my youngest struggled with sleep, a friend recommended a sleep training course that totally changed things. And somehow, watching all the kids together is way easier than managing just mine on my own. We even share travel tips, like what NOT to do when taking little ones to Disney for the first time. Mom friends offer emotional support, fresh perspectives and real-life advice. The best ones let you be vulnerable, making motherhood feel a little lighterâand a lot more joyful.
Making Friends as an Adult
As an adult, making new friends can feel intimidating, but sometimes the best connections happen in the most unexpected moments. Many of my mom friends are neighbors, while others Iâve met through birthday parties, at the pool or at my favorite place, the gym. My friend, Julie, and I first crossed paths at daycare pickup. After attending a couple of birthday parties together, we set up a playdate and discovered our shared love for fantasy books. At one point, Julie just asked, âWill you be my friend?ââa simple but brave act Iâll always cherish, because letâs face it, that kind of vulnerability is rare as an adult.
When it comes to mom friends, I prioritize quality over quantity. Yes, we do get to enjoy kid-free nights occasionally, but more often than not, our connection happens through Reels, memes and funny quotes on Instagram. Thereâs something special about opening your DMs at 2 a.m. while breastfeeding and finding a message that makes you laugh. Motherhood is hard, but sharing potty training mishaps and toddler tantrums with friends makes it feel a little less overwhelmingâand a lot more fun. So, make sure to let your Galentines know how much you love and appreciate them this monthâand if you can all manage to find a babysitter, treat yourselves to a well-deserved, kid-free dinner!
Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz
Iâm originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
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Justin and I are both small business ownersâhis in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to beâitâs demanding, exhausting, and often messyâbut I canât wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!
Parenting is one of the most fulfilling yet demanding roles you can take on. Over the years, through my professional experience and my own journey as a parent, Iâve realized that perfection isnât just unattainableâit can actually get in the way. Let me share a few suggestions that might help you embrace the concept of “good enough” parenting, a mindset that prioritizes love, structure and flexibility over unattainable ideals.
1. Lead with Love and Authority
Above all, your children need to feel loved. This doesnât mean there arenât rulesâfar from it. Love and structure go hand in hand. Be clear about your expectations and consistent in enforcing them, but ensure the consequences match the situation. For instance, donât ground your child for a week over a small mistake. If you find yourself angry, itâs okay to delay imposing consequences. You can say, âWeâll discuss this later.â This gives you time to cool off.
Not everything is worth an argument. Parenting isnât about reacting to every little thingâitâs about guiding your childâs growth into a responsible, independent adult. Some lessons are best taught through your example. Sometimes, simply modeling the behavior you want to see is enough.
3. Get to Know Your Child
Every child is unique. Take time to understand your son or daughterâs personality and what drives them. Do you naturally warm to their temperament or does it sometimes challenge you? Factors like birth order, peers and personality all shape who they are and who they are becoming. Understanding these influences will help you connect with them as they grow.
4. Remember Perfection Isnât the Goal
The notion of perfect parenting is not only unrealistic but counterproductive. Trying too hard can stifle your childâs development. Over-involvement, like helicopter parenting, can prevent them from becoming independent. Aim to be “good enough”âsomeone who provides love, structure and support without smothering them.
5. Provide a Moral Framework
As parents, we serve as scaffolding for our childrenâs moral and ethical development. Theyâll rebel at timesâthatâs normal. But over time, they internalize the values we instill. This framework helps them navigate life long after theyâve left our care.
6. Set Rules, Rituals and Routines
Consistency provides stability for children.
Rules give clear expectations, such as completing homework or contributing to household chores.
Rituals like sharing gratitude at dinner or celebrating family milestones strengthen bonds.
Routines establish a sense of reliability, whether itâs grocery shopping on Saturdays or writing thank-you notes together.
7. Keep Communication Open
Kids can be surprisingly perceptive. They may not always come to you when theyâre upset, so make an effort to regularly check in. Be a good listener. Sometimes, they need your guidance, but sometimes, they just need you to hear them out.
8. Know What to Share
While openness is important, thereâs a fine line between honesty and oversharing. Your children donât need the full details of your financial struggles or marital issues. Be mindful of their age and emotional capacity. Itâs okay to let them know youâre having a tough day, but your job is to provide a sense of safety and stability.
9. Take Care of Yourself
Parenting is hard work, and if youâre not in a good place yourself, itâs tough to be there for your kids. If youâve developed unhealthy habits, work to replace them with better ones. Taking care of your physical and mental health models the importance of self-care for your children.
10. Always Show You Care
Above all, make sure your children know how deeply you care. Even when you stumbleâand we all doâyour love and effort will shine through.
A Closing Thought
Iâve made plenty of mistakes as a parent. But what Iâve learned is this: your children donât need you to be perfect. They need to know you love them, believe in them and are there for them no matter what. Remember, itâs not about never making mistakes; itâs about showing up, learning and growing alongside them.
As we write this at the beginning of January, we are still very much in Christmas joy. I did take down the tree. My husband had made, what we call, a basement build for our kids. It’s basically a loft with a ladder and a slide. He has worked on it for about four months. So we were keeping our kids out of our basement for September, October, November and December. It was hard.
It was very hard in multiple ways. It was hard work for my husband to build it. He did an incredible job. But it was hard for me too because we have this great basement that we could not use. We got through it. Seeing their faces light up on Christmas morning was so worth it, thankfully.
And just after that, seeing all of our friends come over and use the space, which is exactly what it’s meant to be used for, was so rewarding. We had a New Year’s Eve party with about ten kids in the basement running around playing. Seeing everybody using it made me so happy.
Rachelâs Christmas Dimmer
Quick dimmer, though, my kids did get hover-boards. I love the hover-boards. However, our baseboards do not. Ashlee has hover-boards too and she did not warn me. So now, we’ve only had them a week and a half, and our baseboards are all sorts of messed up. But the kids love them, so I guess it’s a win? It’s a win-ish.
Ashleeâs Outdoorsy Glimmer
We’re trying to get outside a little bit more as a family, and the weather was so nice here in Nebraska over Christmas that we got outside to play foursquare. You know how every kid is a little bit different about what they want to engage in? So while Levi was riding his bike around us, my oldest and middle child played with my husband and I. It was really fun. Great lessons from that game.
In general, I’m happy to start off the year with more outside time than usual. We were just talking about the thousand hours outside. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s all about setting a goal to be outside for thousand hours from January to December. Maybe it doesn’t sound that hard, but when you look at, it’s actually a huge commitment. Every single day you’re outside for multiple hours, which is hard in the winter, but easier in the summer. But they account for that. So, in the wintertime, you only have to get out about an hour a day, and then it gets it’s easier to be out longer in the summertime.
I think anything is better than nothing. Even if we only get halfway there, I still think it’ll be amazing to see how much time we’re spending outside and be able to show that to the kids at the end of the year. But also for myself, I need a goal to get outside in the wintertime. I would not go out at all if it were just me.
I have a friend who did it. She did 1,003 hours. I’m so proud of her. I follow her on social media, and I see her videos of her and her kids outside every day. Way to go, Momma!
Home Organization & Life Decluttering Tips
Getting into our topic, our surroundings as moms, is mostly just talking about our homes and how that environment affects us. With all these New Year’s resets, this has been on my mind a lot.
Live with Less
Ashlee: I’m about a quarter of the way through reading the book, “The Year of Less.” One of the biggest things that I’m trying to do is live with less by getting rid of the things that no longer serve me. I want to have less things for my brain to catalog that I own. I don’t know if any of you other moms are the same way, but I feel like if we own it and it is in our home, even if it is not super present in the front part of my brain, it’s cataloged somewhere because that’s how I find it. My kids turn to me as the keeper of their items in the house. It’s a huge responsibility to be the person who knows where everything is and organize it in my brain and physically in my home.
It’s very normal that we all come to this decluttering stage at some point, unless you’re really good at home organization from the beginning, because you start with, like, nothing in your first home. Then it just gradually accumulates.
So I’ve been trying to be really purposeful about the things that I have and want. When I see an item in my house, it has to make me feel good or give me some sort of positive emotion, or I’ll donate it.
I’m not a great online seller, so donation is what works for me. That way, there’s not this burden in my mind. It saves me from having to list it and coordinate with people and just be a mental cost. Otherwise, I procrastinate and end up holding onto it for six to twelve more months. So I just donate it.
Rachel: I have a table posted on Facebook Marketplace, and it hasn’t sold for three months. It’s just sitting in my basement. We don’t need it. But I have this mental war with myself, like, “What do I do with this? It’s a really nice table so I don’t want to just throw it out or donate it.” If it’s not a big item, like an old outfit that my kids don’t wear anymore, bye!
Ashlee: We dropped off three bags of People’s City Mission clothes this week, and it just felt so good. I felt confident that I was donating to a good cause and the clothing was out of my catalog. I felt so free, and I realized that this really does affect how I parent.
Rachel: I have a recent example of that. Yesterday, my kitchen had breakfast still out and my kids were coloring on the table. My daughter was on her hover-board, and she was riding with our two-year-old. They crashed and both fell. There were tears. I think if my brain hadn’t already been overwhelmed by my messy kitchen and my messy house, I probably would have responded differently. I would have got down on their level and said, “Oh, are you two okay?” I would have checked in nicely, but since my brain was already overwhelmed, I snapped, “We’re done with the hover-board. Put it away!”
Ashlee: I notice this with my littlest. My little guy loves to play. When I feel like the room is decluttered and everything has a place, I’ll get down at his level to play with him. I can be creative. But if I have clutter in my mind, there’s a barrier to being creative.
If he tells me, “Let’s play Paw Patrol!” I don’t know what to come up with. I don’t want that for this year. I want to be more present. But I acknowledge that things still have to happen in my home. I still have to take care of my spaces, but what if I had less to take care of? So it’s not “I’ll take care of it less” because that doesn’t help. It’s “I’ll have less to take care of.”
Organize Digital Clutter
It’s not just physical clutter, like the things that we have on our counters, but electronic and digital clutter, too. That’s caught up to me. I have all these apps, all of these duplicate photos, emails, subscriptions. Rachel, how do you ow do you feel about your digital clutter right now?
Rachel: At the end of every year, I like to back up all my photos. So I let them sit on my laptop for a year, and then at the end of the year, I move them onto my external hard drive. I’m in that process right now. I was trying to figure it out earlier and I couldn’t remember how to do it because I only do it once a year. It just caused me stress throughout my day. My kids would ask me to do something and I’d dismiss them because I was trying to figure it out. But it got me thinking, “Is it really that important that I need to let it get in the way of real life?” I debated for a long time because that’s one of the most important reasons I have my device these days.
It’s our kids. When they grow up, this is how they’re going to see their childhood. So again, that’s an important tab open in our brain that we need to figure out as moms if we can. So I landed on finding a way to organize the digital photos smoothly.
Audit Your Social Media
Another digital reset you can do is with social media. If you’re following somebody who is not bringing you joy, not posting about the things that you care about most, not bringing to light topics that inspire you, bye bye. Or if social media is sucking from you, making you fall into a comparison trap, that is not going to make your life better. So just unfollow. Have it be the year of unfollowing. If you don’t look at it and feel warm and inspired, why keep it?
Ashlee: I don’t think that all social media is bad. It’s a part of our world right now. I think it can be very helpful. There are a couple of accounts that I love. One is PlantYou. We’re officially in our thirties. I wouldn’t have said that 15 years ago. It’s a plant-based cooking account with meal plans.
Another topic I want more of this year on social media is travelâtips for traveling with families, how to save for travel and inspiration for where to go. I totally want to save my money for traveling. Following travel influencers on social media will remind me whenever I open the app that I don’t need to buy anything because I want to use that money to have experiences with my kids.
Then another one is The Gentle Nomads, who is always posting about frolicking in nature with her kids. She’ll take pictures of trees and bark and all the simple things that are right in front of us, totally free, but I don’t pay attention to. The world can feel like nature is farther away than it really is. There’s so much out there that can fill us up. It’s different for everybody, but those are some of the things that I have followed recently.
Take Healthy Breaks
Rachel: As moms, I think sometimes we need breaks. During those times, it’s easy to pull up your phone and completely disassociate from your life. I’ll ignore everything else and zone out, which is maybe okay sometimes, but I think that there are other healthier ways to take a break.
Ashlee: We want to model that for our kids, which kind of brings us back to this whole topic of how the things that we have in our life affect us as moms and how we’re portraying that to our kiddos. We want to be helping them learn good habits. I’m very honest with my kids about my phone usage. They know I need to use it, but I don’t love having it out. We have open communication where they can call me out, like, “Hey, your phone, Mom.”
Notice & Do
Rachel: This is not our original idea, but we hope to incorporate it into our family life. This gal I follow on Instagram, Sam Kelly, in the last year or so started a platform of notice and do. What that means is you’re helping your kids notice when something needs to be done in your home, as opposed to setting up a chore chart and checking boxes. When they’re adults, that doesn’t exist. You’re not going to have a chore chart that says exactly what to do. You’re going to notice things like “My shoes didn’t get put away, I’ll put them away.” or “The sink is full of dishes, I clean them.”
To do this, we first need to teach our kids about a resting room. The way that she phrased it is “The room is resting. Nothing needs to be done.” You can walk around the room or home with your kids and show them a resting room right now. They can see that nothing needs to be done. There’s nothing out that needs to be put away. There’s nothing that needs to be vacuumed. Nothing needs to be picked up. It’s easy to walk into and create your own play or experience because the space is at rest and ready for you.
Each family’s at rest might look different. For some people, it might be okay to have water bottles on the countertops, while some families might not like that. You can set your own home system and values of what a resting room looks like. Involve the kids in their bedrooms as well.
From there, you can help your kids see, “I notice something is out of place in this room. What do you notice?” instead of, “Hey, those shoes are out, so I need you to go put those away.” They’ll eventually notice on their own.
Sam suggests with littles, it can help to say, “Let’s put on our noticing goggles. Show me what you notice. Let’s look around with our goggles.” And then they might say, “I notice my shoes are there.” So you can respond, “Oh, you’re right. They are there! What do you want to do?” That way, they’re becoming a part of the process. And it’s not just a big person telling a little person what to do. It’s working together to bring your home to a state of rest.
Everything Needs a Home
Ashlee: This will help your kids learn where items go. They’ll know where the markers need to be returned or where all these little things go so that when they are out of place, they’re not like, “Mom, what do I do with this?” We want less on our shoulders, not more. And if everything doesn’t have a home, you probably have too much stuff.
I brought this conversation of notice and do up with my kiddos yesterday. And I realized a barrier that could come up for my household is expectations. Even my husband will sometimes say, “I don’t know what you expect. What is your expectation of this kitchen being clean?”
Everyone needs to be on the same page as to what that resting looks like. I really do have to start as simply as possible if I want to be successful with this. The simpler it is, the easier it’s going to be for my kids to notice if we really want an item there or not. But also recognizing that if I feel overwhelmed by the amount of tasks to do and stuff to organize right now, they’re also going to feel overwhelmed. So I feel like I can’t fully figure out a resting room until I get rid of the things that aren’t serving, just cluttering.
Know When Youâre Ready
We give full grace to moms. Disorganization doesn’t happen overnight. It creeps up on us without even realizing it. The junk drawer in the kitchen? I haven’t ever touched that. You’ll know when you’re at the point where a house reset can and should happen. Trust yourself on this timeline.
I had a hard time when my kiddos were little, especially with Levi. It’s taken me a while to feel like I could tackle it. I honestly think that was my body letting me know it wasn’t ready yet, but my head keeps trying to tell me that I’m slow and that I should have already figured this out.
But I want to offer you grace. You’re going to get there. You might just be going through a tough time. My motivation comes and goes in waves. There are going to be times where you need to rest. That’s okay. If I don’t feel like organizing my life today, I can either beat myself up or I can remember I’m going to feel it as soon as my body is back to a better state.
Prep for Your Future
Rachel: The last thing that we wanted to touch on was the future. The reason this came up is because I went to see my family over Christmas, and my aunt is housesitting for a woman who passed away. They’re waiting for all of their children to come back to go through the stuff in the house. My aunt knew they wanted to get rid of everything, so she invited my family to come in, look around and grab anything we wanted.
But all I could think was, “Woah, this house is packed. If I were these people’s children, I would feel so overwhelmed by the clutter of the home and trying to get rid of an entire lifetime of stuff.” Obviously, we’re all going to have things. I don’t want to judge, especially those who grew up in the Great Depression or other times when it was important to hold onto everything so tightly. We lived very different experiences.
But it got me thinking about how I could set up our kids to not have to walk into a massive storage room filled with items that didn’t have a purpose. I hope they never have the feeling of wanting to turn around and close the door and never deal with it. So I bring this lens to my items now, “Is this just going to sit in my storage room for 30 years and I’m never going to open this box? Do I really need to keep it for my kids to go through one day? Or will the weight of it being off of my mind and out of this home actually benefit my kids and I more in the long run?”
Ashlee: I feel like I could probably fit the items that really, really matter to me and bring me joy and are sentimental into a couple crates. I know when I adjust my surroundings I’m going to feel lighter and more present with my kids. I’m already making more eye contact, which is something that goes for me when I’m stressed and distracted. I don’t get down at my kids’ eye levels to really see them.
Really, I want to take advantage of this time. My kids are little. It’s a magical time to soak up. We hope that this helps you be more present. That you can go around your house and decide what stays and goes based on if it’s bringing you joy. That you can teach your children to notice and do and find resting rooms together. That you can rely on your family to help you take care of a home if it’s stressing you out. Ultimately, we want all moms to have better memories and better experiences with their families this year. Thank you for joining us this month.
Ashlee Hendricks
Real Life Conversations Host
I am a mom to three awesome kids: Ellie, Anna, and Levi. My husband Jon works as a professor at the UNL Business College. While we are not natives to Lincoln (this year marks five years in Nebraska), I did grow up on a dairy farm in southwest Missouri and feel quite at home here. I work as a full-time mom and a part-time nurse at a clinic here in town.
As a family, we are happiest outside and having adventures. We lived in South Carolina before moving here so weâve had to toughen up quite a bit! We love biking, camping and anything involving water. I have been supported and inspired by so many amazing women and men along my parenting journey. Rachel and I have talked a lot about our shortcomings and wins as moms. I hope as we share some of our story that youâll find some relatable information that can nurture and inspire you wherever you are on your journey as a parent. We are all in this together!
Rachel Robinson
Real Life Conversations Host
I was born and raised in Lincoln. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three amazing kids named Ellie, Brecken, and Finley. I worked as a PE teacher at Scott Middle School for 8.5 years and turned into a SAHM when my second kiddo was born. I love being home with my kids. It is so fulfilling to me to be home with them through each stage, to care for them and to be a part of the little details and the big moments in their lives.
My husband, John, is a menâs gymnastics coach at the University of Nebraska. Our kids love to go to the gym and play. We love that they now have a relationship with the college athletes. It is really fun. Go Big Red! I am very excited to be chatting about things motherhood here on CapitalMom. I hope you enjoy and are able to relate as we share our motherhood journeys.
