The one constant in life is change. One might get a new job, have a baby, graduate or move to a different city. Even though changes can be exciting, they can also be stressful.
My patients frequently ask for coping strategies to deal with the big changes in life. Here are 11 tips for coping with changes in life that I find useful.
1. Acknowledge that things are changing.
Sometimes we get so caught up in fighting change that we put off actually dealing with it. Denial is a powerful force, and it protects us in many ways. However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself, “Things are changing, and it is okay” can be less stressful than putting it off. One of my favorite sayings is “accept what you cannot change”.
2. Realize that even good change can cause stress.
Sometimes when people go through a positive life change, such as graduating or having a baby, they still feel a great deal of stress or even dread. Even positive change can create stress just like not-so-positive change. Stress is your body’s way of reacting to change. It’s okay to feel stressed even when something good has happened. In fact, this type of stress is normal.
3. Keep up your regular schedule as much as possible.
The more change that is happening, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule as much as possible. Having some things that stay the same, like walking the dog every morning at 8 a.m., gives us an anchor. An anchor is a reminder that some things are still the same, and it gives your brain a little bit of rest. Sometimes when you are going through a lot of changes it helps to write down your routine and check it off as you go.
4. Try to eat as healthily as possible.
When change happens, a lot of us tend to reach for carbs such as bread, muffins, cake or sweets. This may be because eating carbs boosts serotonin, a brain chemical that may be somewhat depleted when you undergo stress. It’s okay to soothe yourself with comfort foods but in moderation. One way to track what you are eating is to write it down. You can either do this in a notebook or use an app. When you see what you are eating, it makes you take a step back and think about whether you want to eat that second muffin or not. (However, if you have a history of eating disorders, it is not recommended that you write down what you are eating.) In addition, if you notice you are experiencing an increased use of alcohol or other substances, you should be aware that this could be a problem.
5. Exercise.
Keeping up regular exercise could be a part of the “keep up your regular schedule” tip. If exercise is not currently part of your routine, try adding it. Exercising two to three times a week has been found to significantly decrease symptoms of depression. Even just walking around the block can help you feel better. Remember, you don’t have to feel like getting some exercise; just get out there and move. You’ll find that many times your mood will improve while you are active. (Before starting an extensive exercise program, check with your doctor, especially if you have any health concerns.)
6. Seek support.
No one gets through life alone. It is okay to ask for help; that’s a sign that you know yourself well enough to realize you need some assistance. Think of your trusted friends or family members. Chances are they will be happy to help if you need them to watch your kids while you run some errands, or if you just need some alone time. You can always reach out for professional help as well.
7. Write down the positives that have come from this change.
Through this change you may have met new people. Maybe you started practicing healthier habits or learned a new skill. Perhaps the change helped you prioritize what is most important in your life. Change presents us with the opportunity to grow, and it’s important to acknowledge how things have become better as a result.
8. Get proactive.
Being proactive means taking charge and working preventatively. This means you figure out what steps you need to take before something happens. Being reactive means you wait until something has happened and then you take action. You can take proactive steps by eating a well-balanced diet, exercising regularly or getting enough sleep to avoid health issues.
9. Vent, but to a point.
Having a support group to whom you can vent can be helpful, to a point. If you and your support group are solely venting, that feeling of frustration can be contagious. Try gearing the conversation toward action: What can you do to make things better? When people brainstorm together, their creativity and hopefulness can be contagious.
10. Back away from social media.
When you go through change, you may gravitate toward social media such as posting to your friends on Facebook or Instagram about what is going on in your life. First, make sure you are in a calm state when you post and keep in mind that whatever you post never really disappears. Also, if you are comparing your life to your friends’ lives on social media, remember that most people post only the “highlight reel” of their lives, not the stressful moments. This can give you a skewed view that everyone else’s lives are going just fine. Step away from social media if you are starting to compare your life to others.
11. Give yourself grace.
In a time of change, you may feel a little out of control. You may feel like you are not living up to your expectations for yourself. Remember that you are allowed to do less than what is humanly possible. Nothing says you have to function at 100 percent all the time. People make mistakes, it’s one of the great things about being human. It’s learning from the mistakes that really count. Make a point to incorporate more laughter, joy and fun into your life.
Change offers opportunities, make the most of it.
Getting through change can be difficult. These strategies have helped my patients and me, hopefully they will help you too. On the other side of change, lays opportunities you may not have expected. You just have to get there!
If you would like to explore talking to a therapist about symptoms you are having, please reach out to Bryan Counseling Center at 402-481-5991. You can also take a free, confidential mental health screening at BryanHealth.org/MentalHealth.
Stacy Waldron, PhD
Licensed Psychologist, Bryan Counseling Center
