Why I Decided Not to Spank My Kids

Spanking is a topic that can break a room in half in a matter of seconds. For this exact reason I have been cautious, thoughtful and patient about when I would approach it.

As a child, I received my fair share of spankings and remember hearing rumors of a paddle being used on naughty children in the school principal’s office. Before I had children of my own, I was not against spankings and I even thought I would eventually resort to spanking my own kids as a disciplinary tactic.

When Timeouts Don’t Work

Cohen, my “good child” was easy. If he got in trouble a timeout would do the trick. Still at the age of eight a simple “go to your room” calms him down. But Collyns, my sweet but stubborn daughter who never experienced the “terrible twos,” is now becoming a terror at the age of five. She screams, throws tantrums, chucks objects and slams doors. Timeouts in her room are not working. Now the thought of giving her a spanking seems like an option. I’ve been close to swatting her behind, but my temper can be short.

I’ve found that giving myself an opportunity to calm down helps me parent with a level-head and use these frustrating situations to teach life lessons. Timeouts in her room aren’t working, so she is now getting a timeout on the bottom step. On the step she has nothing to play with or throw. Her new timeout location has become a lot less fun than her room full of toys.

What Am I Teaching My Kids?

I like to be practical and real. Spanking, screaming and threatening changes my child’s response immediately. For those reasons, I understand those forms of discipline, but if I scream and spank, what have I just taught my child? They learn that when someone is doing something wrong and you don’t like what they are doing you yell and hit them. Cut to my child at school and her friend takes her toy. She thinks “I don’t like what you are doing, and it is wrong,” so she hits her friend. Spanking would be my child’s version of hitting.

We’ve gone through phases where my kids resort to physical aggression to relieve their frustrations. As a toddler, my son was a biter. He would bite when he became frustrated. When reprimanding my children for this undesirable aggression, I didn’t want to correct him through physical aggression. At the time I thought this would send him mixed messages and seemed unfair.

The World We Live In

I work in television and I know we live in a world where physical violence and abuse is a topic frequently in the media, on TV and in our communities. I do my best to shield my children from these violent influences or at least explain what they see or hear. We teach our children to respect one another, their friends and teachers, and to know that physical aggression is not acceptable. I do not spank my children and expect that they will never hit me or someone else.

Discipline techniques are a personal decision, but for me and my family, spankings are not our choice.