Yes, the “TALK” talk.
The talk that no parent looks forward to, but all parents know it’s critical.
Having “The Talk”
There is no perfect or single best time for “the talk.” In fact, I think it should be a series of conversations you have with your child.
Too many parents wait for the “right” time to come along for the talk, only to find that it never does—and then they don’t have the talk at all.
My parents never sat me down and talked about sex. And I realized that if parents don’t teach their kids about personal health and sex, someone else will.
So, take a deep breath and don’t let that uncertainty hold you back. The truth is that there isn’t one “correct” way to teach your kids about sex and you can chart your own course.
I wanted my kids to learn about their wonderful, incredible, perfectly-made little bodies from the people who love and value them more than anyone else on this planet—me.
We just told Cohen about Santa. I mean, #LetThemBeLittle, right? And now, it’s time for the sex talk.
He’s already had the puberty talk in school, I gave him a heads-up of what was coming and told him to write down any questions he had, and we could discuss. And to my surprise he did. He and his father chatted while playing video games and I was okay with that.
Answering Questions
So here we go. After talking with some friends who’ve already had the “talk”. I gave up on the idea of presenting the subject in one big talk – I didn’t want to overwhelm him with more bewildering and even distasteful information than he could process at once. Instead, I bought ice cream, made sure Collyns, his little sister, was gone for the evening and we began. We had a gentle conversation that I think will continue over several months or perhaps even years. I wanted to keep our explanations as simple and specific to the discussion as we could.
The hardest part, of course, was staying composed. We tried to respond to his initial question without turning red or acting as though some momentous exchange was about to take place; we didn’t want to suggest that sex is linked to feelings of shame. We remained calm and spoke naturally. We didn’t want this important message to make Cohen feel nervous or uncomfortable because we wanted this to be an ongoing conversation. It’s something we can talk about.
When we arrived at the point of giving a technical description of “the Act,” we said something simple like, “Look, I know this sounds gross to you now, but – trust me – it will seem different when you’re older.” We tried to be straightforward and honest, so we could get through it.
Pause, ready? Here we go.
“When a man and a woman decide they want to have a baby, the man’s penis goes inside the woman’s vagina, and sperm comes out of the man’s penis. Sometimes the sperm joins with one of the tiny eggs inside the woman’s body, and that makes the egg begin growing into a baby. This happens in the special place women have called a uterus.”
An Ongoing Conversation
Once we made it through this, Cohen looked both dumbfounded and suspicious, especially since it probably dawned on him that his parents have done this thing at least twice. He suddenly changed the subject, and said, “I got it.” We ended the conversation with letting him know that we are both here to answer any questions and that we loved him. We let him leave. We knew he heard us and needed time to let it all sink in.
So, the “talk” may be over but hopefully, there will be an ongoing conversation. And when he gets a little older and starts noticing girls, the “talk” will continue. But for now, I can breathe again.
Mallory Connelly
Babies & Toddlers
In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!
