At this moment, I’m sitting in front of our rental cabin at Chadron State Park. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining and there is a nice breeze which is keeping the heat away. We came on this 10-day vacation to get away. We’ll spend a couple of days in Chadron, a couple in Custard State Park, and then to Silverthorne, Colorado. We’ve taken our e-bikes and plan to do a little biking at each stop.

How I’ve Stayed in Touch Over the Years

Just because we’re getting away does not mean I want to get away from my grandkids. OK, they are always away, but my normal, and sometimes timely emails and calls are not normal while we’re traveling. It made me think of the many different ways I’ve communicated with them over the years.

During COVID, everyone was either in high school or an out-of-state university. During those years, we zoomed a lot. Everyone had free time on Sunday afternoons and I took advantage of my ability to see everyone at the same time. It also seemed to work for their schedule as we met every week, there were times not all four of the grandkids were able to join, but usually they all were there. I had the time of my life. Grandkids, not COVID!

Slowly but surely, they started to graduate from college, one by one. Our zoom calls were smaller as there were times they needed to work. I had expected this but didn’t immediately realize the direct effect it would have on me. I refused to pout or complain, although I felt like it, but didn’t share my feelings. I put my thinking cap on and went to work.

Finding New Ways to Connect

There were times I let them know I was going to FaceTime them all at the same time. It worked once or twice, but the randomness of my invitations didn’t work out very well. They were all getting set in their structure of work, play and friends, none of it coinciding with each other. This wasn’t getting me very far.

The next plan I came up with was to FaceTime them individually. That worked pretty well for me, but I frequently received a text saying it wasn’t convenient for them. Don’t get me wrong, I never felt like they were trying to avoid me, but I still wanted to get my way. I didn’t want to pout, although I may have privately.

My next plan was to ask the three granddaughters who live in Kansas City what day they have in common that is free. We found one! It was a Saturday night earlier this month. Yippee. John and I packed our bags and we took the three granddaughters out to eat. Two and a half hours of pure joy for both my husband and me. Making trips to KC isn’t something we can do on the fly, but it was a resolution that worked.

Our grandson I’m able to see more frequently. However, that also comes with its challenges. He’s worked full time while going to UNL so his time is limited. Next fall, he’s adding an internship in Omaha. Good for him.

Letting Go & Passing the Torch

I’m now realizing there was a time when I got my way, but I need to pass the torch to them on their own timeline. Whether it’s one at a time, or all four, I’ll continue to work on making it happen!

One of the things I miss about having three of our four grandkids in Kansas City is knowing what they’re doing and what they’re thinking. I don’t expect to be informed about everything or even know what they had for lunch. I don’t even remember what I had for lunch! But now, I usually just hear about the big events in their lives, and it’s often given to me after the fact through their moms.

Missing the Little Things

When they lived in Lincoln and I heard about an event a little late, I could always squeeze in a trip to cheer them on or run over to their homes to give them a hug.

But then I started thinking, “Was this grandma pouting? Was this grandma being a spoiled brat?” I stopped and realized I wasn’t their mom. I’m not the most important person in their life. My grandkids were sharing things with their moms and that is what’s important and how it should be.

Keeping the Lines Open

This got me thinking, “How did I keep my grandmothers in the loop? How good was I at keeping open the lines of communication?” I realized I didn’t communicate every day with my grandmothers. I didn’t avoid talking to them; I just thought I was too busy with my activities, and I always knew my mother would keep them informed. At least I assumed she would.

As I reflected on my granddaughter’s early years, I realized that my grandkids kept me up-to-date more than I ever did with my own grandmas. Yes, the shame began to creep in!

Communication Then vs. Now

Communicating is also very different today than back in the good ole days. Today, I may text my grandkids to share news or what’s going on in my life. They don’t always respond, but they usually reply with a heart or a thumbs up.

There was no social media when I was growing up. The only thing that came close to social media was having the one family phone on a party line with your neighbors. You could hear what your neighbors were talking about, but you really couldn’t listen for long because the neighbors could hear the clicks of someone picking up or hanging up the phone. Social media back in my day was talking to friends face-to-face.

Remembering My Grandmothers

Recently, I find myself thinking about my grandparents a lot. Last year for Christmas, my daughter got me a Storyworth book. Each week we were assigned to respond to a specific question. At the end of the year, the stories were printed and bound together. The title of the book is called, “Nancy Becker, A Collection of Life Stories.”

This gift was a wonderful reminder of how I need to remember my grandparents. Several of the assignments were prompts like “How did your grandparents earn money?” or “Do you have any particularly vivid memories of your grandparents?”

I’ve also thought a great deal about my grandmas as I look around our house. I have a bureau, a pool table, a pie pantry and other pieces of furniture which I love and dust every week. I wonder what I’ll do with these pieces that my grandkids don’t want. I’m not going to worry about it—that’s for sure!

As we grow older, role reversals can be difficult. I’ve learned to roll with the punches and embrace the change and keep in my lane.