Galentine’s Day: A Reminder to Cherish Your Mom Friends

Galentine’s Day: A Reminder to Cherish Your Mom Friends

by | Feb 10, 2025 | K-12

I first heard about Galentine’s Day from Parks and Recreation, where Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie Knope, made it a tradition to celebrate female friendships on February 13th. Honestly, she was onto something—because while motherhood is incredibly rewarding, it can also feel isolating, even when surrounded by family. That’s why I cherish my mom friends. From swapping stories about potty training and breastfeeding to offering words of encouragement, these friendships bring laughter, sanity and much-needed support. Whether we’re venting, celebrating or grabbing coffee, they remind me I’m not alone in the chaos—there’s comfort in knowing other moms are navigating the same struggles and emotions.

The Importance of Having Mom Friends

Motherhood has its own unique set of challenges, and having mom friends has made all the difference. They just get it—the exhaustion, the overstimulation and the overwhelming love we pour into our kids while still craving a little time for ourselves. My mom friends provide a safe space to vent—free from judgment—and remind me that I’m not alone. Time with them helps reduce my stress and anxiety. One of the greatest comforts? Knowing that everyone struggles with #momguilt, whether it’s balancing work and family or using extra screen time just to get through the day.

I love connecting with friends whose kids are the same age as mine, but I also appreciate those with older and younger children—we all learn from each other. We swap parenting tips, like which potty training seat actually works (and which one to avoid). When my youngest struggled with sleep, a friend recommended a sleep training course that totally changed things. And somehow, watching all the kids together is way easier than managing just mine on my own. We even share travel tips, like what NOT to do when taking little ones to Disney for the first time. Mom friends offer emotional support, fresh perspectives and real-life advice. The best ones let you be vulnerable, making motherhood feel a little lighter—and a lot more joyful.

Making Friends as an Adult

As an adult, making new friends can feel intimidating, but sometimes the best connections happen in the most unexpected moments. Many of my mom friends are neighbors, while others I’ve met through birthday parties, at the pool or at my favorite place, the gym. My friend, Julie, and I first crossed paths at daycare pickup. After attending a couple of birthday parties together, we set up a playdate and discovered our shared love for fantasy books. At one point, Julie just asked, “Will you be my friend?”—a simple but brave act I’ll always cherish, because let’s face it, that kind of vulnerability is rare as an adult.

Appreciating Your Mom Friends

When it comes to mom friends, I prioritize quality over quantity. Yes, we do get to enjoy kid-free nights occasionally, but more often than not, our connection happens through Reels, memes and funny quotes on Instagram. There’s something special about opening your DMs at 2 a.m. while breastfeeding and finding a message that makes you laugh. Motherhood is hard, but sharing potty training mishaps and toddler tantrums with friends makes it feel a little less overwhelming—and a lot more fun. So, make sure to let your Galentines know how much you love and appreciate them this month—and if you can all manage to find a babysitter, treat yourselves to a well-deserved, kid-free dinner!

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

I’m originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
 
Justin and I are both small business owners—his in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to be—it’s demanding, exhausting, and often messy—but I can’t wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!

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Embracing Tiny Wins: A Mom’s Realistic Approach to New Year’s Goals

Embracing Tiny Wins: A Mom’s Realistic Approach to New Year’s Goals

by | Jan 13, 2025 | K-12

As a full-time personal trainer, health and wellness are literally my career—I spend my days helping others prioritize their well-being. But even with all my knowledge and experience, I still struggle to practice self-care as a mom of a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old. Between juggling my professional life at the gym, parenting, cleaning the house, laundry and everything in between, setting a huge goal for 2025 feels overwhelming. Last January, I didn’t set any goals for the year. This year, though, I’m focusing on something different: small, intentional habits that fit into my #momlife. I’ll share my thought process and goals with you—maybe they’ll spark ideas for your own journey.

From Big Resolutions to Tiny Habits

Before my “mom era,” I loved setting big, ambitious New Year’s resolutions. But now? As a mom of two littles, the thought of tackling a major goal feels
well, almost comical. Between work demands, parenting chaos and the never-ending to-do list, finding time to conquer a big resolution feels impossible. And yet, I’m a growth-oriented person. I want to feel like I’m working toward a better version of myself, even if my approach has to look different these days.

That’s why I’m leaning into tiny habits. Unlike big resolutions, tiny habits are manageable and easy to weave into a busy day. They don’t require a lot of time, energy or planning—perfect for moms who are already stretched thin. I often tell my clients, “success breeds success”. Tiny wins build momentum and confidence, which over time leads to sustainable, meaningful change.

This year, I’m even reframing the idea of “small” habits. I’m calling them tiny because, let’s be honest, anything bigger feels overwhelming. Tiny self-care moments are the ones I can realistically commit to, and they still make a difference. A quick stretch here, a gratitude practice there—it all adds up. For example, while my coffee brews in the morning, I can sneak in a quick stretch. Or before picking up my kids from daycare, I can take one minute to breathe deeply and reset. These habits might be small, but their impact isn’t.

The Power of Habit Stacking

You might have noticed a pattern here: I’m “habit stacking”. Habit stacking is when you pair a new habit with an existing routine. It makes adding something new easier because it fits seamlessly into what you’re already doing. For example, I could spend five minutes journaling when I get into work and open my laptop, practice gratitude while rocking my toddler to sleep and listen to personal development podcasts during car rides. These moments may be tiny, but they’re impactful and fit seamlessly into the busy, full plate of responsibilities I’m already managing.

Celebrating Tiny Wins

Moms, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking self-care has to be all or nothing. But the truth? Tiny wins matter. Every moment you spend prioritizing yourself—whether it’s a walk around the block, a gratitude list or a deep breath—makes a difference. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. When you feel good, your family feels it too.

Here’s to celebrating the tiny wins in 2025, because progress doesn’t require perfection—just consistency. Let’s show up for ourselves so we can show up for the ones we love most.

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

I’m originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.

Justin and I are both small business owners—his in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to be—it’s demanding, exhausting, and often messy—but I can’t wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!

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Holiday Season Self-Care for Moms

Holiday Season Self-Care for Moms

by | Dec 9, 2024 | K-12

For my kids, it’s truly the most magical time of the year! For me though, as a mom, it’s also the season of heightened mental load and sensory overload. I feel the weight of planning, coordinating and making sure every moment is brimming with holiday cheer. I want my kids to feel the warm, magical glow of Christmas, but sometimes that magic comes at the expense of my own mental health and ability to enjoy the season.

The Holiday Mental Load for Moms

As moms, we juggle creating holiday magic while managing the everyday grind. My to-do lists are everywhere—on my phone, in my planner, and swirling in my head. With Santa’s arrival approaching, my mental checklist feels endless. This is what researchers call the “mental load”—the cognitive effort of managing the invisible, ongoing responsibilities of family life. Unlike physical tasks, the mental load involves emotional and intellectual work to keep everything running smoothly. In simple terms, it’s the constant thinking about “what needs to be done.”

How to Navigate Holiday Stress

I wish I had a magic solution to ease the mental load for fellow moms during the holidays, but I don’t. Moms are experts at juggling priorities and managing time like pros. Yet, let’s be honest—we often like things done a certain way, which makes delegating tricky. Add to that the endless tasks we shoulder, and it’s no wonder this season feels overwhelming. Still, even amidst the chaos, it’s worth pausing to appreciate the effort we put into making the holidays magical for our families.

Cassidy and her two children smiling for a holiday photo

Recognize Your Efforts & Find Connection

Simply acknowledging that the holiday season is exhausting, recognizing that our mental load has increased, and accepting that this is a hard time of year can be empowering for a mom. I find so much comfort in connecting with other moms, swapping stories about the chaos, the laughter and the love in our lives this time of year. Whether it’s sharing something funny our partner did or our need to control all the things, those conversations remind us we’re in this together—and that’s a gift in itself.

Embrace the Power of Movement

I can’t wrap this up without sharing what I think is the ultimate tool for managing the holiday mental load: the power of movement. Physical activity won’t shrink your to-do list, but it can make it feel lighter. You don’t need an intense gym session (unless that’s your thing!). Just do something joyful—a quick dance to your favorite song or a brisk walk around the block. Bonus points if you move with a fellow mom. Sharing laughs and experiences while getting active is like therapy for the soul.

A Message to Fellow Moms

As I finish writing this post at 6 a.m., with my one-year-old resting her head on my hand while refusing to sleep (because why sleep, right?), I just want to say to my fellow moms:

I see you. The mental load is real, and you are not alone. Take a moment to pause—grab your favorite drink, breathe and carve out an hour (or two) just for yourself to relax and recharge. The holiday season may be chaotic, but you deserve a little peace amidst the madness!

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

I’m originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
 
Justin and I are both small business owners—his in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to be—it’s demanding, exhausting, and often messy—but I can’t wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!

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Meet Cassidy

Meet Cassidy

by | Nov 11, 2024 | K-12

Hello, CapitalMOM readers!

My name is Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz and I’m thrilled to join CapitalMOM as your newest blogger. Writing for a community of parents who are as invested in their families as I am is such a wonderful opportunity. I’m excited to dive in and share my experiences as a mom of two because we all know how reassuring it can be to hear that someone else is navigating similar ups and downs.

The Journey to Justin

I grew up in North Platte, Nebraska where my childhood was filled with soccer and 4-H. Through 4-H, I discovered a love and passion for sewing, which eventually led me to major in fashion design at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

After graduation, I moved to New York City to work in fashion. As fate would have it, I met my husband, Justin, who also grew up in Nebraska. We met on a street corner of all places! Justin and I were first introduced to each other by my roommate, Hannah. She boldly claimed before we met up with him, “Justin is marriage material.” Turns out she was right. After two years of long-distance dating and a year living in the same city, we were married at Saint Mary’s in downtown Lincoln.

Our Little Ones

As for motherhood, I always imagined I’d have children, but once my career took off, I started to feel unsure. When I was 34, Justin pointed out, “Look at how many photos you have of our cat and dog on your phone! You’ll be just as obsessed with a baby.” Today, my phone is filled with pictures of our kids—Max, our pandemic baby born in April 2020 who is now four (going on 13), and Zoey, our one-year-old who came into the world at a much calmer time.

Justin and I are very fortunate to have been small business owners for over a decade as it allows us flexibility as parents. Last year, we discovered the ultimate parenting hack—living close to grandparents! We moved just nine minutes away from my retired parents, who have truly been lifesavers. Max and Zoey are so fortunate to have not just two, but four active and loving grandparents. I’m convinced that grandparents make the world go round!

My Professional Life

Professionally, I’m a personal trainer specializing in working with girls and women at all stages of life. My passion for movement began in New York, where I fell in love with running. Today I’m grateful to help women find their own joy in fitness. Additionally, I use my master’s degree in marketing to help health and wellness businesses build their brands.

Sharing the Realities of Motherhood

I can’t wait to connect with each of you through my stories, lessons and experiences as a mom. Motherhood isn’t quite as glamorous as Instagram makes it out to be—it’s demanding, exhausting and often messy. When it feels like motherhood could swallow me whole, a sticky little hand slips into mine and suddenly my heart is full. My little family means everything to me.

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz

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My Frustration With Fluctuating Weight

My Frustration With Fluctuating Weight

by | May 13, 2024 | K-12

I can’t lose weight like I did in my early thirties.

My Frustration with Fluctuating Weight

An influencer that I follow was my size. I felt seen. She was all about body positivity. But recently, she had the mommy makeover and for some reason it made me angry. I know it’s her life and she doesn’t need to explain her decision to schedule weight loss surgery. I think I was just jealous.

I took a year off from the gym I had been going to for more than 10 years. I loved the people at this gym. My core group is still with me, I just couldn’t swing the after-work classes with two kids and the money it cost to be a member. Why is trying to be healthy so expensive?

Seven years ago, I lost 40 pounds. However, within the last year I gained almost half of it back. I had been working out in my basement, but I knew something needed to change. I didn’t want to continue gaining weight. It’s not that I didn’t like who I was, but my body was telling me something needed to change.

New Beginnings & Recent Setbacks in My Weight Loss Journey

Recently, I got a promotion at work and knew I needed to prioritize me. I wore jeans to work one day, and I was miserable because they were tight. I signed up at a new gym that night. This gym offers noon classes and helps with nutrition. I schedule gym time into my day so it doesn’t take time away from my family or me playing taxi for my kids.

Several weeks into the new program, the scale wouldn’t budge. I am supposed to weigh myself every Saturday, but the same number keeps popping up! One day after I weighed myself with no change, I headed to the gym and had a minor breakdown.

What I see in the mirror is different than how I feel. I say horrible things about myself in front of my daughter. I need to be more aware and body positive, but it’s a mind game as well as a physical battle. I don’t want my daughter to have the same struggles I have with food and think the number on the scale defines her. This setback made me realize something important. My health journey isn’t just about the physical results.

From Scale Obsession to Self-Love

Just as I want to be conscious of my eating habits—like the type of food and substances I put in my body—I must be aware of the negative words I say about myself. A good first step was recognizing my identity is better defined by my emotional and mental attributes than my physical appearance. In other words, I need to try not to focus on what I think I need to “fix” or change about my physical self, rather, I need to believe those who tell me they love me for who I am—because they do. And I need to love me for who I am.

I keep telling myself that numbers on a scale should not control my life. I am mindfully eating what I am supposed to, hitting my calorie and macro goal and working out four times a week. I remind myself to never worry about the scale. It only tells one side of the story, and it doesn’t define my success. Every day and every meal is a fresh start. That is my mental challenge over my physical one. I am trusting in the process, putting in the work and hoping my body and mind will align. My children see me making healthier choices. And they see me loving myself.

Finding My Why to Living a Healthier Lifestyle

I found my why. I took back my life and I started prioritizing me. My family needs me to be the best version of me. It is a mental and physical change that I am hoping to continue.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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What Is the Appropriate Age to Start Dating?

What Is the Appropriate Age to Start Dating?

by | Apr 8, 2024 | K-12

Another tricky subject we are currently navigating through – dating. My son turns 13 this May and I can’t believe he will be a teenager. The dating world has changed even in the last 10 years.

Recently, he has been talking with a girl he met at youth group. Mostly via text and of course on Wednesdays at church. More and more of his friends have “girlfriends”.

So, is there a right or wrong age for a child to start dating? Is it the age that the rest of their friends seem to be dating?

When Should My Child Be Allowed to Date?

We decided that group dates may start as early as 13. Taking this approach gives Cohen the opportunity to explore the dating world while remaining safe with his friends. And of course there are strict rules about dating. I need to know the person he is dating, where they will be, and have a solid curfew in place. We also discussed all the issues that accompany relationships.

When I was growing up, the rule was that I could start dating at age 15 and could go on car dates (that is, dates in which one of the kids is driving rather than parents dropping us off) at age 16. I couldn’t even “hang out” with guys in a group date setting. And I rebelled!

Setting Rules & Boundaries

Then comes the ground rules! I need to know the person Cohen is currently smitten with. I need to get as much information as possible before group dates. It can be as little as knowing the person’s name, the name of their parent(s), where they live and how they met. I ask as many questions as he will allow, including what their grades are like, who are their friends and what are their extracurricular activities.

It is necessary to know the exact location of the date. If he is planning to go to multiple places, I need those details as well.

Keeping Communication Open

Cohen has a tracking app on his phone that I can access, but I prefer direct contact.

He texts me when he arrives at a location (i.e., the movie theater), texts again if he is leaving to go to a second location (restaurant), and texts when he is leaving to come home or back to his friends. I am in constant contact with him or the parents who are driving. I never have to wonder where he is, and if something should happen, I can easily reach him.

Should he not get in touch, I could go one step further and use the tracking app. I’m hoping I never have to use it, but it’s nice to have the option as a backup.

He has a flexible curfew based on activities. If the activity is school related, like a dance or game, he can have a later curfew.

The primary rule is that he needs to stay in touch if the activity goes later than planned. The curfew is much stricter on non-school activities.

In a couple years when he starts driving, I will need him home by his curfew with no exceptions and no excuses. He will also need to text us before he leaves so we can be certain there is no speeding happening to get home safely.

So, let the group dates begin! But we insist he makes smart choices and knows the rules and will always keep me in the know.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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What to Do If Your Kid Lacks Motivation About School

What to Do If Your Kid Lacks Motivation About School

by | Mar 11, 2024 | K-12

Sometimes it feels like our kids really don’t care about school. Even when they’re smart and underachieving, or especially when they’re failing school, it’s not as simple as not caring about school.

A Shift in Collyns’ Approach to Schoolwork

Collyns, who is in fourth grade, shows no enthusiasm for school and learning. We knew it was important to address the problem head on. Recently, we attended her parent-teacher conference. She is doing fine in most subjects—except math. We wanted to see what her teacher was observing in the classroom.

She has never been an A+ student, but she has always tried her best. Lately, however, she does her work for completion points and doesn’t seem to care if it’s done correctly. She isn’t asking for help at school or at home if she does not understand the problem. She takes some steps to solving the problem, but if she doesn’t know what to do next, she stops and says it’s complete even though it’s not done correctly.

How to Turn Resistance into Positive Motivation

The teacher told us that the important thing to remember is that Collyns is motivated. She’s just motivated to resist us and others when she does not want to do something. The key is to learn how to turn her negative motivation into a positive one. That’s why we worked together with her teacher to address the early signs of motivation problems and discussed how to provide a better learning environment for Collyns.

Timing Is Key

One thing we realized is that we ask our children to do their homework right after school—before we get home and the chaos of practices begin. Collyns always has her homework completed, but neither Mitch nor I check to see if it’s done correctly. This has now changed. One of us will look it over and see if she has done it correctly and help her if she hasn’t.

Build a Support System

Next, she asks her older brother, Cohen, to help her with the homework she does not understand. Cohen didn’t have a problem in math. He continues to excel and gets his homework done correctly most of the time. Fortunately, he understands her math homework and is willing to help her problem solve.

The motivation is to do things her way, not ours. The motivation is to retain power. Her motivation stems from not knowing what to do next. Now that we have a system in place, when she gets stuck, she has an outlet in her brother.

Praise the Process, Not the Result

Lastly, we started praising her hard work, not just her overall grades. Instead of rewarding her grades, our reward comes in the form of verbal encouragement, praise, hugs and other positive attention—again, not focused on grades, but rather on the learning process in general.

We now regularly ask her about what she is learning each day and engage with her when she’s excited to tell us something about school. She seems to be doing better with her math homework and hopefully it will show on tests. I am thankful Cohen is willing and able to help her with her homework. We will continue to praise her for working hard and finding her motivation.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Is Your Pre-Teen Ready to Stay Home Alone?

Is Your Pre-Teen Ready to Stay Home Alone?

by | Feb 12, 2024 | K-12

Whether it’s a snow day home from school, an unexpected business meeting, or a childcare arrangement that fell through, there probably will be times when I’ll need to leave my child home alone. It’s natural for parents to worry when first leaving kids without supervision, but here’s what you can do to prepare your kids for staying home alone.

Is My Child Ready to Stay Home Alone?

Did you know there’s no hard age for leaving your kids home alone in Nebraska? Everyone says it depends on the child and how responsible they are, but it can be hard to know when kids are ready to handle being home alone. It comes down to your judgment about what your child is ready for.

My kids are at that age where it’s questionable. My son is almost 13 and my daughter is almost 10. My brother used to watch me while my parents were away at that age. It was a nightmare for me, and I didn’t want that for my daughter. Granted, Cohen is nothing like my brother, but they still argue and fight.

Every child is different, but I worried that my kids didn’t have the maturity and skills to respond to an emergency if they’re alone. However, my son said he was ready, and my daughter was okay with it.

Practicing Home-Alone Trials

We decided to do some practice runs, or home-alone trials, before we left for the evening. We let them stay home alone for 30 minutes while we ran to the store and were easily reachable.

When we returned, we talked about how it went and the things that we needed to change or skills that Cohen might need to learn for the next time. We discussed a plan for if he needed to get himself and his sister out of the house, which neighbor they should go to first, second and third.

Our Rules for a Successful Home-Alone Routine

Before my husband and I left for a couple hours with friends, we set ground rules:

  1. No opening the front door.
  2. Only let the dog out the back.
  3. No going outside.
  4. No using the stove or oven—they knew what meals and snacks were available, instead.
  5. Don’t tell anyone, including your friends, you are home alone.
  6. Don’t ignore your sister.
  7. Cohen is in charge, but if there’s a problem, call or text me, grandma, and/or 911 in case of an emergency.

We also scheduled a check-in call. We made sure Cohen understood when we were available and when we might not be able to answer a call. We created a list of friends and family he could call or things he could do if they got lonely. We gave them all the electronics.

Finally, we stay consistent. We’re never gone for more than a couple hours. We are never more than 20 minutes away. And they will never be left alone overnight. We set a schedule and stick to it.

My Takeaway: Staying Home Alone Is Empowering My Kids

My son handled it well. Staying home alone was a positive experience for him, giving him a sense of self-confidence and independence. So, cover your bases and relax. With the right preparation and some practice, you and your child will get comfortable with home-alone days in no time!

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Do My Children Really Hate Each Other?

Do My Children Really Hate Each Other?

by | Jan 15, 2024 | K-12

One of my most cherished dreams as a mom is that my children should be the best of friends. To see them fighting, grabbing each other’s toys or constantly bickering and squabbling can be a distressing and bewildering experience. On the other hand, when my children get along, I sit back and inhale every second. I love hearing them make each other laugh, entertain each other and enjoy each other. I love every millisecond because I know it won’t last long and it will end in them screaming at each other.

Dreaming of Friendship Among Siblings

I always said I wanted to have two children and then I’d be done. That was the vision I had for my family. I grew up with a sibling. That is what I knew. For whatever reason, that’s what I was comfortable with considering for my own life.

Now, I have two wonderful children—a nine-year-old girl and a twelve-year-old boy. They are great kids. They are full of personality and intelligence and love. I believe that they really love each other. But, more often than not, they can’t stand each other. When I sit back and think about my children’s relationship with each other, I immediately hear The Facts of Life theme song in my head. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…siblings.

A Look Back at My Family Dynamic

It’s not like my brother and I were thick as thieves. We could barely tolerate each other for the early part of our lives. But while my brother and I might not have been best friends for most of our young adult lives, I’d say he’s one of my favorite people in the world now. Though I know he’d have a smug look reading that, I’m pretty sure he knows that to be true. If my parents had a second child just to give him a sibling, I’m glad it was me. Thirteen-year-old me would call you a liar for saying I ever said that.

Unraveling the Sibling Equation

That’s the thing about siblings—sometimes they’re friends from birth, sometimes they hate each other for life. Two children being born to the same family guarantees nothing. I wonder how much this closeness is affected by difference in sex or age. Why do some brothers and sisters get along so much better than others? To what extent are parents the cause of it, and what can they do to make it easier for children to get on together?

Even siblings who are best friends fight sometimes. It’s normal for siblings to annoy each other, and resolving conflict helps them practice important social skills. But if your children are anything like mine and are constantly fighting, there are ways to help keep the peace.

Strategies for Surviving Sibling Spats

During this long winter break from school, I started looking for patterns in my children’s conflicts. The fights tended to happen when they were looking for attention or were bored. Figuring out the root cause helped me get ahead of the conflict. Setting rules ahead of time helped too.

Then, since I was home with them for extra time thanks to the snow days, I tried to lay the groundwork for more positive behavior. I told them that while I knew they could solve small disagreements, I was always there for bigger issues. Since Cohen is older, I started with him and coached him on how to respond when conflict starts: “If she hits you, please don’t hit her back. Instead, come tell me right away.”

I tried to tell them how proud I am of them when they make a good decision. When I see them interacting and calmly following the rules they agreed to, I praise them for it. I also encourage them to report the kind things that their siblings do like sharing their snacks.

Lastly, I tried to help them let go of the notion of fairness. Life throws curveballs and sometimes it just isn’t fair. What Mom says goes.

These strategies are only a stepping stone in the complex relationship of my children. I plan to continue to provide them with a loving environment and hope that as they grow older their relationship grows as well.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Eight Years of Sharing Our Family’s Journey with CapitalMOM

Eight Years of Sharing Our Family’s Journey with CapitalMOM

by | Dec 27, 2023 | K-12

Happenstance. I was mindlessly scrolling through Twitter eight years ago when I came across a tweet seeking ideas for a mom in the Lincoln, Nebraska area. I sent off a direct message, and a month later, my blogging journey began.

Growing Alongside Us

For eight years, I have been blogging for CapitalMOM. Eight years of sharing my family’s story with you, my readers. You have watched as our oldest daughter grew from a freshman into a young woman planning her wedding. You have watched our senior daughter grow from a stubborn, creative little girl to a young woman who is determined and passionate about her beliefs and values. You have watched our freshman son grow from a courageous kid I only wanted to protect from everything into one of the kindest souls with the most infectious smile you will ever meet. You have watched me doubt my parenting, struggle with grief, share joy—or cry—over the new stages of life, teach accountability and inspire our kids to do good in our world.

How My Readers Transformed Me

Thank you doesn’t justify the feelings going through my heart right now. You, my readers, have been part of our family’s story. Before blogging every month, I prayed for my fingers to pen a story that would impact just one of you. However, I believe I was impacted the most. As I continued writing this portion of my story, I changed for the better. Because of you, I am a better mom, wife, friend, teacher and person. No matter the thoughts flowing from my heart to the keyboard, I knew somewhere, somehow one of my readers would be inspired, and this encouraged me to better my writing and my story. We may never cross physical paths. However, I blogged to share our story to inspire you.

My Son’s First Wrestling Win

In my final blog, I want to share a paragraph our son wrote after his first-ever wrestling win. I ran across this letter while cleaning our kitchen this summer. This letter is nearly ten years old, and the message is stronger today than ever.

“This was my first year of wrestling, and I wanted to win a match for my dad. It took a lot of practice and effort, but it was worth it. I was wrestling a Waverly kid, and my dad was trying to take pictures of the first and second periods I was in my stance. The Waverly kid and I got up. I took a shot. I had the Waverly kid on his back during that time. I got back points as the time ran out. I won my match. My dad was so happy. I learned never to give up, even when you think you will lose a match.”

Always Be in Someone’s Corner

The point of sharing this isn’t the last sentence, but the part where my husband was there with the camera. My husband was in our son’s corner that day. And he noticed. I hope you’re always in someone’s corner. Whoever that person may be for you, whatever they may need (love, discipline, encouragement), always, always show up in their corner.

Thank you CapitalMOM and thank you to my readers. You all have a special place in my heart, and know I will always be in your corner because you were in mine for eight years.

Shelly Mowinkel

Shelly Mowinkel

K-12 & Teens

My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a “tag-team chauffeuring” service, yet I wouldn’t have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.

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Should Parents Actually Spend So Much on Youth Sports?

Should Parents Actually Spend So Much on Youth Sports?

by | Dec 11, 2023 | K-12

My 12-year-old, Cohen, is supposed to be practicing juggling his soccer ball. Instead, he’s playing catch with the dog. “Juggle,” I yell. “I’m not paying all this money for soccer if you’re not going to practice.”

A Love, Hate Relationship with Practice

Don’t get me wrong, Cohen loves to play soccer. However, he hates to practice at home, especially his juggling. Sometimes I feel like a drill sergeant when he loafs around instead of concentrating on his skill building, especially when it seems my hard-earned money is being thrown away.

One Costly Invite to Las Vegas

My son plays club soccer all year. It is expensive. He has practice at least twice a week, more during the warmer months. Recently, he got invited to participate in an invitation-only team camp through his club. I am very proud of him, but this training is in Las Vegas, and it’s not paid for. That’s an extra cost that we weren’t planning to spend right after the holidays. So, I asked myself, “Is it worth it?”

Are Parents Over-Investing in Youth Activities?

I feel that parents today are far more likely to invest in after-school activities for kids than any generation before. I know you can spend as much or as little as you like. My daughter plays rec basketball. She likes playing the sport but only for fun. It’s cheap and she enjoys the 12 weeks of practices and games.

Cohen, however, has never missed a game or practice except when he broke his collarbone. But what if tomorrow he wakes up and says that he doesn’t want to continue? I’ve already invested considerable time, money and effort in soccer. I might not want to let him quit.

A friend of mine had a daughter in dance from the time she was three years old. She spent thousands of dollars on instruction, costumes and travel to competitions. When her daughter turned 13, she abruptly decided she no longer wanted to continue. Another friend hated practicing the violin and her parents let her quit. Now she regrets it and wishes that her parents had made her keep going.

The End Goal: A College Scholarship

Many parents want to give their children every advantage they possibly can. We’ve discussed what high school Cohen would like to attend based on the soccer programs at each school. But, as we think towards the future, our goal with all this training and money is hopefully to land him a scholarship to college.

Making Time to Be a Kid

Not that I think Cohen would quit soccer anytime soon. But I want him to have unstructured time to play and develop other interests. I don’t want him to invest all his time on one thing. Some people say that kids should be required to try many kinds of activities to help them develop interests. Some parents impose activities on their children that they would have liked to be involved in when they were young. Maybe Cohen will enjoy them, but maybe not. I continue to ask him if he’d like to try other things. But even though he plays video games and participates in his church’s youth group, soccer is his priority.

My Reflection on Overcommitment

Is this too much for a 12-year-old? At his age, I was in three different basketball leagues, traveling to games and always playing. I don’t regret it. I even played a little in high school. However, my mom also made me try dance, volleyball, gymnastics and swim team. I, too, was a busy child. But if he likes it and wants to continue, I am here to support his dream. If he does decide to quit one day, I know the skills he learned in training will help him become a better person. Through this sport, he has learned patience, toughness, competitiveness and so much more.

His Legacy Beyond Soccer

As parents, we are role models on how to handle stress and how to balance our time. I hope I am showing Cohen that just because he is busy doesn’t mean he can’t take the time to slow down and enjoy the gift of family unity—it’s the greatest gift of all!

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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From Little Girl to Young Woman

From Little Girl to Young Woman

by | Nov 27, 2023 | K-12

As a mother, I’ve experienced the joys and challenges of raising a daughter, watching her transform from a tiny bundle of joy into a remarkable young woman. It’s a journey filled with precious moments and bittersweet transitions, a constant dance between cherishing the past and embracing the future. Life paused me in my busyness this week and gave me much-needed quiet moments with my family.

A Fond Farewell to Childhood

Sometimes, I miss my daughter. I miss her bouncy, tight curls. Now, I see her in front of her mirror, perfectly assembling a low bun or braid. I miss the little girl, but I love the young woman she is becoming.

Sometimes, I miss the many colorful tutus. Now I see her wearing jeans, a button-down farm shirt and OnClouds. I miss the little girl, but I love the young woman she is becoming.

Sometimes, I miss the little girl running to me with a nail polish bottle. Now I see her eyes light up when she has perfectly manicured nails. I miss the little girl, but I love the young woman she is becoming.

Sometimes, I miss her holding her hands wide open for her dad and me to move her, as she was too lazy to crawl. Now, she is my chauffeur. I miss the little girl, but I love the young woman she is becoming.

Sometimes, I miss her stubbornness. Now, I see determination. I see someone passionate about pursuing her goals. I miss the little girl, but I love the young woman she is becoming.

My Journey Towards Letting Go

I texted Addi, “I have decided I do not want you to graduate high school.”

I am a selfish mom. I don’t want that little girl I dearly miss, who is growing into an amazing young woman, to leave home.

I start to cry. I miss the little girl, the one I could protect, the one I laid next to all those nights when she couldn’t sleep, the one who gave the best squishy hugs, the one I showed all of life’s simple wonders to.

I cry because I know I am selfish. I cry because she is graduating high school. I cry because the best is yet to come for her. That is all my husband and I have ever prayed for—that the best life will come after our kids leave our home. We have taught them values, given them experiences and shown them to love life. When the day comes to move out, our hearts will be full.

I cannot guarantee I won’t miss the little girl or the young woman Addi is becoming, but I can guarantee that I am excited about her next chapter. And I will cry because the best is still yet to come.

Shelly Mowinkel

Shelly Mowinkel

K-12 & Teens

My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a “tag-team chauffeuring” service, yet I wouldn’t have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.

You may also like

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