Spanking is a topic that can break a room in half in a matter of seconds. For this exact reason I have been cautious, thoughtful and patient about when I would approach it.

As a child, I received my fair share of spankings and remember hearing rumors of a paddle being used on naughty children in the school principal’s office. Before I had children of my own, I was not against spankings and I even thought I would eventually resort to spanking my own kids as a disciplinary tactic.

When Timeouts Don’t Work

Cohen, my “good child” was easy. If he got in trouble a timeout would do the trick. Still at the age of eight a simple “go to your room” calms him down. But Collyns, my sweet but stubborn daughter who never experienced the “terrible twos,” is now becoming a terror at the age of five. She screams, throws tantrums, chucks objects and slams doors. Timeouts in her room are not working. Now the thought of giving her a spanking seems like an option. I’ve been close to swatting her behind, but my temper can be short.

I’ve found that giving myself an opportunity to calm down helps me parent with a level-head and use these frustrating situations to teach life lessons. Timeouts in her room aren’t working, so she is now getting a timeout on the bottom step. On the step she has nothing to play with or throw. Her new timeout location has become a lot less fun than her room full of toys.

What Am I Teaching My Kids?

I like to be practical and real. Spanking, screaming and threatening changes my child’s response immediately. For those reasons, I understand those forms of discipline, but if I scream and spank, what have I just taught my child? They learn that when someone is doing something wrong and you don’t like what they are doing you yell and hit them. Cut to my child at school and her friend takes her toy. She thinks “I don’t like what you are doing, and it is wrong,” so she hits her friend. Spanking would be my child’s version of hitting.

We’ve gone through phases where my kids resort to physical aggression to relieve their frustrations. As a toddler, my son was a biter. He would bite when he became frustrated. When reprimanding my children for this undesirable aggression, I didn’t want to correct him through physical aggression. At the time I thought this would send him mixed messages and seemed unfair.

The World We Live In

I work in television and I know we live in a world where physical violence and abuse is a topic frequently in the media, on TV and in our communities. I do my best to shield my children from these violent influences or at least explain what they see or hear. We teach our children to respect one another, their friends and teachers, and to know that physical aggression is not acceptable. I do not spank my children and expect that they will never hit me or someone else.

Discipline techniques are a personal decision, but for me and my family, spankings are not our choice.

I know it’s not Mother’s Day, but it is a time to reflect on the relationships you have in your life and be thankful for them.

A mother-daughter relationship is one of the most significant bonds in my life. It’s amazing, complex and trying at times – but so fulfilling and beautiful! Growing up, and still to this day, my mother’s my best friend. Sure, I was a daddy’s girl, but I knew my mother was always and is still there for me. I was lucky to see and share in the relationship between my mother and grandmother, experience the bond my mother and I have, and now cherish the relationship Collyns and I started. The memories I have with my grandma are precious to me, and I want Collyns to experience that bond between a grandmother, mother and daughter.

Why Mother-Daughter Bonds are Special

When Mitch and I decided to have children, I wanted a girl. I actually wanted all girls. After we had our son, I realized how special a protective older brother is. Then, I got pregnant with our second child, and I knew right away it was a girl. I was excited that I got to share in the same experience my mother and grandmother had as well as the relationship between my mother and me.

I get a lot of questions when it comes to my mother being my best friend. Especially, how we deal with our own mother-daughter issues and struggles. I’m definitely not an expert and don’t have all the answers, but I love sharing my thoughts and experiences.

I found that at every stage in the relationship has challenged from toddler through adulthood. A mother-daughter relationship is the first time we learn about trust, separation and connection, and putting another’s needs ahead of your own. What’s most important to us is open communication and lots of love and understanding!

My mother and I share a lot of common interests. We both like sports – especially the Huskers – going to concerts, traveling and shopping. The saying holds true for me, “I am my mother’s daughter.” She is my number one go-to-gal when it comes to not doing these things alone!

Growing a Bond With My Own Daughter

Throughout my life, I’ve made time for my mother. We’ve always been close, and she’s the main reason I’ve stayed in Nebraska. Every day I call or text her at least once, most of the time it’s a lot more. My husband rolls his eyes every time I say, “Hold on, I need to call my mom.” No matter what my week consists of, I always find time to see her at least once! Recently, we’ve included my daughter Collyns – we love having a girls day!

To sum it all up, I love my mom unconditionally, we have mutual respect, healthy boundaries, honesty and open communication, and that’s why it’s one of the best relationships I’ll ever experience. Hopefully my daughter and I will continue to grow in our special bond we share as mother and daughter.