I can’t lose weight like I did in my early thirties.
My Frustration with Fluctuating Weight
An influencer that I follow was my size. I felt seen. She was all about body positivity. But recently, she had the mommy makeover and for some reason it made me angry. I know it’s her life and she doesn’t need to explain her decision to schedule weight loss surgery. I think I was just jealous.
I took a year off from the gym I had been going to for more than 10 years. I loved the people at this gym. My core group is still with me, I just couldn’t swing the after-work classes with two kids and the money it cost to be a member. Why is trying to be healthy so expensive?
Seven years ago, I lost 40 pounds. However, within the last year I gained almost half of it back. I had been working out in my basement, but I knew something needed to change. I didn’t want to continue gaining weight. It’s not that I didn’t like who I was, but my body was telling me something needed to change.
New Beginnings & Recent Setbacks in My Weight Loss Journey
Recently, I got a promotion at work and knew I needed to prioritize me. I wore jeans to work one day, and I was miserable because they were tight. I signed up at a new gym that night. This gym offers noon classes and helps with nutrition. I schedule gym time into my day so it doesn’t take time away from my family or me playing taxi for my kids.
Several weeks into the new program, the scale wouldn’t budge. I am supposed to weigh myself every Saturday, but the same number keeps popping up! One day after I weighed myself with no change, I headed to the gym and had a minor breakdown.
What I see in the mirror is different than how I feel. I say horrible things about myself in front of my daughter. I need to be more aware and body positive, but it’s a mind game as well as a physical battle. I don’t want my daughter to have the same struggles I have with food and think the number on the scale defines her. This setback made me realize something important. My health journey isn’t just about the physical results.
From Scale Obsession to Self-Love
Just as I want to be conscious of my eating habits—like the type of food and substances I put in my body—I must be aware of the negative words I say about myself. A good first step was recognizing my identity is better defined by my emotional and mental attributes than my physical appearance. In other words, I need to try not to focus on what I think I need to “fix” or change about my physical self, rather, I need to believe those who tell me they love me for who I am—because they do. And I need to love me for who I am.
I keep telling myself that numbers on a scale should not control my life. I am mindfully eating what I am supposed to, hitting my calorie and macro goal and working out four times a week. I remind myself to never worry about the scale. It only tells one side of the story, and it doesn’t define my success. Every day and every meal is a fresh start. That is my mental challenge over my physical one. I am trusting in the process, putting in the work and hoping my body and mind will align. My children see me making healthier choices. And they see me loving myself.
Finding My Why to Living a Healthier Lifestyle
I found my why. I took back my life and I started prioritizing me. My family needs me to be the best version of me. It is a mental and physical change that I am hoping to continue.
Mallory Connelly
Babies & Toddlers
In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!
