I know I can’t be the only mom out there that has zero sex drive. I recently reached out to other moms and this topic was one of the most discussed.

For me it’s not just my sex drive, it’s cuddle time that is also nonexistent. Anytime my husband rubs my back in bed he expects more. It’s like the line in a Brad Paisley song, “When you say a backrub means only a backrub, then you swat my hand when I try.” What happened to just cuddling or showing affection? This could be a main reason to my low sex drive—that and kids. Let’s face it, moms are tired!

However, I definitely think it has to do with your relationship with your partner. I never feel like having sex if my husband doesn’t show me affection and “creating moments” in the normal moments of life. Let me explain.

The Importance of Moments

Wrapping his arms around me while doing the dishes, grabbing me and randomly dancing, kissing me tenderly on the forehead – this is creating a moment. I want to feel desired just like the old days.

But telling him to be more affectionate never works. If anything that drives him farther away. Since I have to order him to be affectionate, it was evident that he didn’t want to. Begging for kisses and hugs feels lousy, even if he complies. Not only did I feel needy and undignified doing it, but it pushed him further away as well.

Turning Toward My Husband’s Needs

I considered that he may not be feeling loved either, even if you are being affectionate with him. Fortunately, rather than telling him what he should do, I tried to naturally restore the romance by being my best self again.

When I started acting like he is smart, capable and strong, that went a long way toward bringing back the make out sessions, snuggling, and yes, even sex.

I realized we became robotic when it came to sex—everything was the same every time. After some communication on how I was feeling, we decided to change things up. He was feeling the same way and was willing to try. After trying different things and having it more often than once a month, it increased my sex drive and helped us become more affectionate throughout the day.

Remembering to Let Myself Have Fun

Granted, it’s not always easy when the kids are sick, you’ve worked a 12-hour day and the mortgage is late. But if you can’t remember what you like to do and let yourself do it, you’re not showing much affection for yourself.

Fretting is not going to make him more affectionate. But dancing the Macarena at the grocery store? It definitely could. After all, you were all smiles and laughter when he first put the moves on you.

Let’s all yell this song loud and proud, “Girls just wanna have fun!” The more you appreciate yourself, the more he will see you for you, and give you what you really want: fun, cuddle time, and yes, even sex!

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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