Whenever we play Music Bingo, I find it easy to identify the songs, sing along and recall the artists who performed them. Yet, when I meet someone new, have a conversation and part ways with a friendly “it was nice to meet you,” I struggle to remember their name. This contrast between recognizing music and forgetting names highlights how some memories stick effortlessly, while others slip away just as quickly.
Remembering Song Titles, Forgetting Someone’s Name
A few weeks ago, Pat and I discovered that one of our favorite wineries was hosting Music Bingo on a Friday night. The event sounded like a lot of fun, and when we arrived, we realized we weren’t the only ones who thought so – the place was packed. Fortunately, we were invited to join a table with two other couples whom we hadn’t met before. They welcomed us warmly, and after we introduced ourselves, the game began.
The evening was great. The group we joined was fantastic – everyone called out song titles, sang along to the lyrics and occasionally broke out some dance moves. There’s just something about songs like “YMCA” and “Taking Care of Business” that make it impossible to just sit and sing!
The following week, we happened to bump into our new bingo buddies at the winery once more. Seeing them brought back the good time of the previous Friday, and we enjoyed reminiscing about all the fun we had together, especially the classic dance moves that made the night so memorable. However, as we continued on our way, it dawned on me that I couldn’t recall any of their names. Despite the shared experience and laughter, the names had simply slipped from my memory, leaving me feeling as though something significant was missing from the reunion.
Sadly, this was not the first time that I could not remember names. It happens time and again. Sometimes I see a person and I know exactly who they are and what our connection is but simply can’t recall their name. Other times, someone will approach me and I have no clue who they are, where I met them or what connects us.
Whenever Pat and I attend an event, we always make a point to remind each other of a simple rule – if someone comes up to us and we have never met them, we shouldn’t assume that the other person knows them or will take the lead on introductions. Instead, our practice is to extend a hand, introduce ourselves and start the conversation from there. This approach helps avoid any awkwardness and ensures that everyone feels included, even if names escape us.
Why Names Are Harder Than Lyrics
I know I’m not the only one who struggles with remembering names. It’s easy to assume that forgetting names is simply part of getting older, but I don’t believe that’s the case for me. This has been happening for many years. I think my difficulty in recalling names usually stems from not being fully present in the moment. Too often, I’m distracted by everything happening around me or my mind is racing ahead, thinking about all the things I need to do. As a result, I’m not giving my full attention to the conversation at hand, which makes it much harder for those names to stick in my memory.
While researching techniques for remembering names, I came across an article in the INC. Newsletter that offered some insight into why our brains don’t retain every detail we encounter. According to the article, the average American is exposed to 34 gigabytes of information each day – the equivalent of 11.8 hours of images, words, sounds and more. With such a vast amount of input, it’s impossible for the brain to store everything. In fact, the human brain is designed to forget most of what it comes across. Forgetting, therefore, is not a flaw, it is a natural process, and we are not supposed to remember everything.
Habits To Help Make Names Stick
If you want to become better at recalling names, intentionality is key. You need to consciously decide that remembering a person’s name is important. Intentionality involves taking active steps to focus on essential information, while allowing your brain to naturally forget what isn’t crucial.
Once you have committed to remembering a name, it’s helpful to use practical techniques. One of the most common methods is by name association. This approach encourages you to identify something distinctive about the person you’re meeting – such as their hair, facial features, body shape or the sound of their voice. After pinpointing a unique characteristic, you then pair it with their name. By intentionally connecting the name to the person’s unique trait, you strengthen your memory and make the name much easier to recall.
Forgetting Names Isn’t Rude – It’s Human
While forgetting someone’s name is not a serious issue, it is important to recognize that making the effort to remember and use a person’s name demonstrates kindness, care, and respect. Beginning a conversation by addressing someone by name and offering your full attention can transform the interaction, leaving a far more positive impression than an awkward silence or uncertain greeting.
By investing the minimal effort required to practice these skills, you will ultimately become someone others seek out. Being present, pleasant and personable makes your company enjoyable and leaves a lasting, positive impression on those you meet.
If all the above fails, and you still have no clue who you are talking to, it’s okay to be honest. Look them in the eyes and tell them you’re struggling to recall their name and/or how you know each other. Ask them to please help you put the pieces together. They’ll understand, they’ve been there, too!
Ellen Beans
I served as a Director at Bryan Health for 40 years. Pat served as the Chief Financial Officer for NRC Health for many years. He now serves as the Manager for Amandla, LLC.
We have two sons, Winston and Beau. Winston is married to Emily, and they have a daughter, Sophia, 5 years old. Beau is self-employed and works diligently to assure the success of his company. He also carries the title of Best Uncle Ever!
As the author of the Grandparent blog, I’ll be writing about the challenges and rewards of retirement. I’ll focus on the roles I have taken on in life – spouse, parent, In-law, grandparent, colleague and friend, and how they have changed over the years. This is the plan for the blog, but as we all know, plans can change!
