Raising More Inclusive Kids

Raising More Inclusive Kids

by | Sep 23, 2024 | Real Life Conversations

Hi, we’re Rachel and Ashlee, hosts of Real Life Conversations with CapitalMom. First of all, thank you again for joining us. We always are super grateful to have you here.

Ashlee’s September Glimmer

Today, I’m going to start real quick with my glimmer, which is more of a general one. I feel like as parents and as moms, we have to make decisions that are best for our whole family, even though maybe if we only had one kid, maybe the decision would look differently, and making decisions and changes like that.

Like when we go out and we try something, and then we realize we need to make a shift or an adjustment—it’s about moving into those unknowns again. That’s something that’s hard for me. I feel a little anxious in unknowns. I like to get a feel for something, and then once I like it, to just be there, because then I know what happens and I know what to expect. And when I make a change, there’s a ton of unknowns suddenly around it. How is my kid going to react? How is the environment going to be? Is it going to be what I hope? Was it the right decision? All the questions.

Anyway, I just feel really grateful. I have been pushing through that uncomfortable period of unknowns and trying new things. I’m so proud of my kids for how they’ve been handling it, and I’m proud of myself for sticking with it even though it was really hard. If you’re in a moment in life where you have to move into something uncomfortable, to do something that’s better for your family, I I encourage all of you to just hang in there and trust your mom or dad intuition. You know best for your circumstance.

Rachel’s Game Day Glimmer

Mine is totally different. I was honestly racking my brain what I was going to say, but then, last night, we went to a Husker game, and there was this lady behind us who was probably in her late 80s. She was just the cutest lady ever. She loved my husband. I got there later than him, so when I sat down, she leaned over and goes, “He’s a cutie, isn’t he? I like him.” Later, my husband told me that she grabbed his face and kissed him on the forehead.

But this lady was just so joyful. We started talking, and she told me that her husband had just passed and that she was alone in the United States. She had moved here from England. I asked if she was at the game with her daughter, but it was her neighbor who she’d met because their dog would run away to her house and she’d feed it treats. Before we left, she told me, “I won’t be here next week because it’s my birthday, and I’m going to Omaha to go to Red Lobster.”

She was joy in human form, and I actually cannot wait to go to the next game to see her. She just reminded me that the way we interact with other people around us can have such an impact. She could have just sat there and not talked to us, and we could have not talked to her and gone about our lives. But we didn’t, and it made an impact on both of us. That’s the life lesson that I keep learning—if you have something nice to say or you feel inclined to talk to somebody, do it because it usually just brightens your day and theirs.

How to Help Your Kids Be More Inclusive

This topic came to us because our little ones have been back in school. We thought it was the perfect time to talk about this topic because maybe it’s something that your kids are experiencing right now or will experience at some point. Their attitudes are starting. In my mind, I don’t expect that to happen until middle school, but we’re so wrong. That happens younger. I’m sure it gets worse—or more intense—in middle school, but still.

Our kids are coming home, telling us different things about school, all with common themes—exclusion and lack of choice. Their friends are telling secrets, things they aren’t allowed to hear. Students at recess are playing with others but telling our kids they can’t come. Or even physically pulling our children in one direction to force them into an activity and not giving them any say or choice.

So, we want to chat about developing strategies and having those tough conversations with your kids about how to handle these situations, and how to make sure they’re not the ones making other kids feel left out. We even spoke with school counselors to further develop these thoughts.

We hope that with these suggestions, your kids will feel more empowered to handle the situation and know that you support them and want to help them through a tough situation. Obviously, as parents, we want to help them, but it’s important to draw the boundary that we’re not going to go fix it for them, unless it gets to a level that there needs to be some involvement. Instead, we want our kids to know we’ll always be a listening ear.

Use I Statements

Instead of pointing fingers at the other kid and saying, “You’re so frustrating!” or “You’re not being nice. You’re so mean,” we ask our kids to turn that around by using I statements. This empowers our kids to use their voices and say what they think. It’s not pointing fingers. It’s showing how someone else’s actions impacted them. Statements like “I feel frustrated when you won’t let me play with you” instead of “You’re being mean because you’re not letting me play with you” gives a completely different feeling to the conversation. It also teaches them to show a little vulnerability and humanity.

It also gives the other person a chance to respond to that as well, as opposed to push away, because anyone will probably get defensive if someone says “You’re being mean.” But if your kiddo says, “I’m feeling left out,” that’s very different. They know that word. They know what it means to feel sad. Those are words that kids naturally want to respond in a compassionate way toward.

Reinforce That Their Voice Matters

Just remember that your child’s voice matters, and it’s so valuable. Sometimes, kids retreat and hide and don’t say what they really think or want, while other kids maybe stand up and say not-so-kind things back. Of if your child is caught in the middle of two friends—where they feel like they want to be with both people—it’s good for them to recognize that the loudest one often gets them because they’re the ones that are speaking up more.

It’s natural to gravitate to the louder, more in-your-face personalities. You gravitate to the squeaky wheel, in a way, because many think, “Well, they obviously need me because they’re saying it so forcefully.” Eventually, though, this will help them break that cycle so that they aren’t always rewarding the loudest voice. You don’t always need to be with the loudest person in the room.

Let Them Solve Problems on Their Own…

We feel so strongly, so passionately about empowering children to know how it feels to use their voice and have it be received. That’s why we start this out at such a young age with our kids. If they’re having friction or something’s not going right, or if it’s even a playdate between our two families, Ashlee will always respond to the kids the same way when they come up and say so-and-so is doing whatever. It’s always, “Have you spoken to them about it yet?” or “Have you talked to them about it yet?” Sometimes the answer is yes, but a lot of times, it’s no.

So, then, parents can guide that conversation, like, “Hey, why don’t you ask them?” Maybe give them the words they just don’t have yet, like, “Why don’t you try ‘I was playing with that. Can I have it back, please? Maybe our moms can set a timer so that we can take turns.’?” But always let them be the ones to go deliver that message. Kids, especially at these ages, are so open to receiving messages like that, especially when it’s not done in an aggressive way. It’s amazing how quickly they can turn things around.

As parents, when it’s our kid who is feeling left out or neglected, all we want to do is fix it for them. Take away that hurt. Do I need to switch teachers? Do we need to call the mom and talk? What can I do to take away that pain? But take a step back and remember that your kid is capable, and they do have tools to use their voice. It doesn’t always have to be you scrambling to save the day. And sometimes, we can make it worse when we step in too much. Our emotions can make the situation so much bigger than it already is.

Situations where they work through something together can add to their confidence level of being capable of resolving conflict on their own, knowing that they do have the words or phrases that are now hopefully tucked away into their memory bank to help diffuse future problems. If they practice this skill at two, three or four, it’ll hopefully become second nature by the time the get to school. Because right now, it’s a toy that they want to play with or someone hurt their feelings on recess, which are such, in the grand scheme of things, small challenges to overcome and conflicts to overcome. But as they get older, those challenges are only going to get more emotional and weighted. A lot more friction is going to occur if they don’t have the tools in their toolbox to communicate in a healthy way with other people and have healthy relationships.

….Until They Can’t

That being said, if it gets to the point where they’re trying to use their words and they don’t feel like they can get where they want to be in that conversation, that’s when it’s time to bring an adult in. Obviously, if it’s our three and four-year-olds, that’s us coming in. If they’re at school, that’s their teachers or even school counselors helping out.

You’ll know when a conflict is serious. If your kid’s coming home every day crying or talking about the same person constantly or if there are changes in their behavior or mood, those are all signs that something bigger is going on. If it’s bullying or something like that that’s more severe, ask for help.

We’re both so grateful for school counselors, especially Ashlee who lost her dad back in December. When that happened, I felt unsure of how to help my kiddos when they were at school. I felt lost. And one of my kiddos especially was wanting to talk about it, but kids her age hadn’t experienced a loss like that yet. So I was able to reach out and use the school counselor as a phenomenal resource. They handled the situation so well. It helped my kid knowing that there was another adult in the school who was on their team and who knew the situation and was just there to help.

Teach Inclusion vs Exclusion

The last thing that we want to talk about—and really the whole theme of this—is to encourage more inclusion as opposed to exclusion in friendships. These are the little things that we can do to teach a much bigger principle.

We always start by asking our kids how they feel about situations. “How does it feel when you’re included? And how does it feel when you’re not included in things?” Many times, our kids are so focused on their own friends and personal lives that it’s easy to not consider others feelings in the moment. They don’t mean to be malicious, but it comes off to others as very hurtful. To go through this phase is all totally normal child development.

Then we tap into their empathy. Before they make a decision on how to act with a friend, we want them to ask themselves, “How would I feel if I was on the other side? If someone else was saying or doing what I’m saying or doing, how would I feel?”

That way, we’re teaching our kids to be the friends and the people that they want others to be for them. As they practice, they’ll more easily be able to recognize when they’re including people and when they’re not. The hope is that, then, with that awareness comes correction. If their actions could be seen as exclusionary, we hope they’ll eventually not do it.

Good luck to all parents out there who are getting similar phrases or having any experiences like this at your home with your kiddos right now. We encourage the conversations, using their words, helping them be capable, and know that we’re right there with you trying to help build a community of inclusiveness. You don’t need to do motherhood alone. Come join our village exactly as you are.

Ashlee Hendricks

Ashlee Hendricks

Real Life Conversations Host

I am a mom to three awesome kids: Ellie, Anna, and Levi. My husband Jon works as a professor at the UNL Business College. While we are not natives to Lincoln (this year marks five years in Nebraska), I did grow up on a dairy farm in southwest Missouri and feel quite at home here. I work as a full-time mom and a part-time nurse at a clinic here in town.

As a family, we are happiest outside and having adventures. We lived in South Carolina before moving here so we’ve had to toughen up quite a bit! We love biking, camping and anything involving water. I have been supported and inspired by so many amazing women and men along my parenting journey. Rachel and I have talked a lot about our shortcomings and wins as moms. I hope as we share some of our story that you’ll find some relatable information that can nurture and inspire you wherever you are on your journey as a parent. We are all in this together!

Rachel Robinson

Rachel Robinson

Real Life Conversations Host

I was born and raised in Lincoln. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three amazing kids named Ellie, Brecken, and Finley. I worked as a PE teacher at Scott Middle School for 8.5 years and turned into a SAHM when my second kiddo was born. I love being home with my kids. It is so fulfilling to me to be home with them through each stage, to care for them and to be a part of the little details and the big moments in their lives.

My husband, John, is a men’s gymnastics coach at the University of Nebraska. Our kids love to go to the gym and play. We love that they now have a relationship with the college athletes. It is really fun. Go Big Red! I am very excited to be chatting about things motherhood here on CapitalMom. I hope you enjoy and are able to relate as we share our motherhood journeys.

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Summer Reflections & Prepping for Back to School

Summer Reflections & Prepping for Back to School

by | Jul 22, 2024 | Real Life Conversations

This week, we’re going to roll into a tribute to summer and talk about getting into the swing of back to school.

Our Summer Glimmers & Dimmers

But first, let’s go ahead and start with our glimmer and our dimmer.

Rachel’s July Glimmer

My glimmer this month is my daughter Finley. She’s learning to talk and she turns two in a week. We had just got done with the 4th of July. My kids do gymnastics because my husband coaches gymnastics, so we’re at the gym a lot. My daughter Finley doesn’t take class but was wearing an American flag leotard, because any time her older sister wears a leotard, she wants to put on a leotard.

So she walked into the gym, and this other mom was sitting there and said, “Look at you. You’re so patriotic.” And she looks at the mom and says, “I’m not patriotic. I’m Finley.” It was just so cute because kids take everything so literally. It was just a little glimmer and I’ll never forget what she said. Her speaking is just so cute right now, and I cannot get enough of it.

Ashlee’s July Glimmer

We both had glimmers this time around. We do a little 3rd of July thing with some friends. For the past couple of years, I feel like there’s been something that’s not gone quite right. Like, one time a firework tipped over. We resolved that and now have bricks around everything. And then we had one where we had this blowup. And then oddly enough, someone broke their arm. And we were like, oh my gosh, how does this keep happening? This year’s has come and gone, and no injuries or blowing up of anything. That is a win. Woohoo! My curse has been broken.

Then my half is that we’ve had a lot of family rolling into our home, which has been amazing. But also I’m feeling that struggle of keeping up on my household stuff. And I talked to Rachel the day before, and she was like, “How about Finley and I come over and help you clean tomorrow morning?” I was just like, “That sounds really great.” I was not feeling motivated to clean. I was not feeling motivated to do much of that. So then she shows up with a coffee, and we clean and chat. It was really good. And my windows – guys, you have probably seen gross windows, but nothing like these windows of mine and nothing like the table and underneath the table. Oh my gosh. She cleaned that and I will forever love her for it. I have been admiring the view from my windows the past two days, realizing just how good they look. That’s a glimmer of good friends and a sweet offer that made my whole day.

A Tribute to Summer Memories

When this airs, it’s going to be back-to-school time. Summer’s ending, and in the middle of summer, sometimes we’re in the moment of the emotions. We’re home altogether, which we talked about in one of our last episodes. But we both realize that sometimes at the end of the day, if you pause and you look back over your pictures of the day, I’m like, oh my gosh, everybody’s tired. Everybody’s exhausted. And so the kids are probably saying things like, “You never snuggle me” or “You never spend time with me” or things like that, where you’re like, we just spent all day together.

But it does get in your head where you think, maybe we didn’t. And then you pull out your phone or your computer, and you look back, and you’re like, it was a really good day. All these smiles and bright faces. And yes, there are hard moments, but the overall picture was wonderful.

Being Able to Capture Moments

I’m feeling really grateful for the ease of being able to take pictures and have those memories and how beautiful that is. And Rachel does a really good job of saving those and creating them into reels and things that our kids can look back on and feel so much joy from. So anyway, she’s going to give me a tutorial one day on how to do that. We actually talked about that, like maybe we need to have a little retreat. We will get a hotel and I’m going to teach you how to preserve memories in a fun way.

I saw something somewhere that said when we grew up, we might have like 20 pictures from 1992. And now we have like 80 pictures from this morning. So we’re so lucky to have such like such a detailed view of their childhood. We are the keepers of that and keeping it organized and accessible.

Ashlee’s Favorite Summer Experiences

I was going to share briefly some of the things that I’ve loved about our summer so far. One of them is that we ended up on a great little trip down to my mom’s, which was phenomenal.

It was so good to see her. We picked blueberries at my cousin’s house on their farm. Then we went to another friend’s farm where they had lambs and we got to hold them. Then we got to watch a mother birth two twin lambs. And it was magic. And then the fireflies came up afterward. You can’t even make this stuff up. It was just so amazing. It was beautiful and peaceful out there on their farm. I don’t know if all that just inspired us, but on our way home, we picked up some baby chicks a couple of hours from our house.

My kids held our baby chicks all the way home. We have a friend who is willing to take them when we can no longer care for them, but they spark so much joy. Levi tends to be naked in our backyard because that’s his happy place. Nake Levi chasing the chicks, I didn’t even know how much I needed that in my life.

There’s also been lots of fun time in the pool and other things. But, I feel like those are just a couple of our highlights that just keep on giving and have slowed us down even too—especially the chicks—just slowed us down to just appreciate these moments.

Rachel’s Favorite Summer Experiences

We just got back from a trip to the beach in North Carolina. We were visiting John’s parents, who bought a beach house there about a year and a half ago. And this is our first time going out there, and it was so great.

I think my favorite memory from the trip is my son, Brecken. Throughout the trip, probably at least five times in the car, we would be leaving the beach and driving back to the house. And he would be like, “Mommy, why didn’t you choose to live here? Why did you choose to live in Nebraska?” And I’m like, “That’s a great question, buddy.” I could see his little wheels turning. Like, they have the ocean and they have a pool. And the only thing he said was, “But we do have a zoo splash pad.”

My girls do the same thing to us when we get back. We used to live in South Carolina. When we go visit, they’re like, what are we doing? You have to follow where you have to go sometimes.

How to Get Ready for Back to School

It has been a really good summer, but like it or not, school is coming back. I think for some moms, that is a huge relief. And for others, it’s a tinge of sadness because summer goes so fast. And it kind of depends sometimes on phases too, I think. It’s been a better summer with all of my kiddos. We’ve enjoyed that time altogether more.

Rachel’s Bedtime & Morning Routines

We make sure we get our kids to bed at a reasonable hour. And again, we know that that’s hard when the sun is up, but get those curtains closed and the routine going.

As far as morning—this is for different seasons of life. I was sleeping until my newborn woke up and probably until she was about one. But then you come back to life again a little bit. And at that point, I felt like I could set an alarm, and get up and get the day going. That helps tremendously just to come downstairs and do a few essentials before the kids come downstairs. For me, that’s unloading the dishwasher, putting things away, throwing in a load of laundry, filling water bottles, and making breakfast.

If all of those things are done before the kids come down, I’m not a stressed-out mom trying to do all of these things while also having a little bit of time with my kids before they leave.

Ashlee’s Bedtime & Morning Routines

I feel like I used to be a morning mom and then I dealt with a little bit of postpartum depression stuff. I had a lot of hard stuff with my dad this last year and I went to my primary care and got help, something to kind of just boost me through this time when I’m still very needed at home, but also kind of wanting to grieve.

I have to try to gauge what I am able to do in the morning. I have been trying to utilize that time to rest a little bit more, but I’m hoping to adjust back to this because I have had the best success with that as well, starting on my own terms. Because when Levi wakes up, he’s kind of grump at first. I don’t know if it’s low blood sugar, and if that’s what I wake up to, that is really hard. Then there’s two of us that are grumpy, and I’m not helping him work through his. I’m not able to stay calm.

Avoid Rushing

It helps to not rush too. If you don’t feel rushed with the kids, then they don’t go out the door rushed. I never feel great when I’m scrambling, and then my kids can sense that too. And so like, trying to avoid that rush means giving yourself enough time, whatever that is, to get up, even if it means waking your kids up when you’re like, oh, they’re still sleeping.

Pack Lunches the Night Before

One of our other favorite things is packing lunches the night before. If I’m trying to do lunches and feed them breakfast in the morning, I realize that I’m grumpy, and it’s too much. And your kids can even help the night before too. I’ve noticed since mine are a little older that they can tell me what they want in their lunch. They love that.

I do feel like halfway through the year, my kids forget that home lunch is actually an option because we lose our steam. The beginning of the year, we’re like super moms packing amazing, healthy lunches. Then by the end, they are like “Mom, I need more lunch money on my card.” And I’m like, “Ok, yeah, you do.” The winter blues set in and hot lunch it is.

Set Expectations for Activities

With back to school comes back to activities. Yes, there are summer camps, but the regular weekly activities begin again, typically. It’s important to have conversations with each of our kids about what is important to them, and what their goals are.

How many nights a week do they want to be busy? How many nights a week do we want them gone? How many nights a week do we want them home? And I think it’s important to preserve childhood as well, because if we have activities every single night, when do they get to play? When do they get to be a kid?

They’re sitting at desks most of the day at school, and they need that time. Also knowing that there are only so many parents to go around to do drop-offs and pickups. We don’t want to just become a taxi service. We want to be parents. I think having that open conversation with your kids and spouses is important. It takes a village to do it all and make sure it’s something that everybody can manage.

Find Time to Connect as a Family

Finding time to connect is going to be different than it is through the summer months. There might be a day when we have school, and then we have to rush to gymnastics or whatever the sporting event is. And your time with your kids is that car time. And you know that going into it. I get these 20 minutes and recognize that that’s the situation and being ready. This is my time. I cannot wait to connect with my kids on this car ride. I’m going to focus on this moment because that’s so important to find moments of connection throughout the day. When you don’t have a lot of time, you have to value what you have and make it impactful. Even if it’s a small amount of time, if it’s purposeful, it has the same effect. Our kids feel seen and loved. We need moments like that each day to fill us.

Ask Specific Questions

When we do pick up our kids from school and we ask them about their day, I feel like we can easily ask the generic question, “How was your day?” But then you’re kind of stuck. Try to find questions that kids can answer, because when you ask about a kid’s whole day, a lot of times the last thing they did is what’s on their mind. What happened in the morning is long gone.

If you ask specific questions like, “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” or “What’s something that your teacher said that made you laugh?” Specific questions that have an answer that isn’t just good, are very helpful in connecting and getting deeper. That’s another way to learn more about what’s going on in your kids’ lives because they’re gone for so long. We don’t always know what’s going on.

Make Nighttime Purposeful

At bedtime, try to make it purposeful and connect as much as possible. That’s the last thing they’re feeling before they go to bed and are ready to start the next day. I think creating that safe space in our home for them that if something’s happening at school, they feel like there’s a moment in the day to talk to us and that we want to hear. That’s invaluable to create that for them and ultimately what we want.

That time is usually when it’s quiet and calm. When there’s chaos in your home, it’s not going to be a time when they’re like, “Mom, I really need to tell you something.” But if they know that there’s going to be a moment where I’ll have Mom’s full attention for five minutes, whatever, then we can talk during that time.

Tips for Starting Kindergarten

If you have someone who’s starting kindergarten, please know that you’ll get through it. We’ve been there, and you feel all the feels. But you’ll get through it and it’s going to be great. It’s such a growing year, and that makes our mama hearts happy to know that they’re somewhere where they have great friends and great teachers. And I feel like LPS is a wonderful school district.

Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate you and hope that you found some valuable stuff from this, too. You don’t need to do motherhood alone. Come join our village. Exactly as you are.

Ashlee Hendricks

Ashlee Hendricks

I am a mom to three awesome kids: Ellie, Anna, and Levi. My husband Jon works as a professor at the UNL Business College. While we are not natives to Lincoln (this year marks five years in Nebraska), I did grow up on a dairy farm in southwest Missouri and feel quite at home here. I work as a full-time mom and a part-time nurse at a clinic here in town.

As a family, we are happiest outside and having adventures. We lived in South Carolina before moving here so we’ve had to toughen up quite a bit! We love biking, camping and anything involving water. I have been supported and inspired by so many amazing women and men along my parenting journey. Rachel and I have talked a lot about our shortcomings and wins as moms. I hope as we share some of our story that you’ll find some relatable information that can nurture and inspire you wherever you are on your journey as a parent. We are all in this together!

Rachel Robinson

Rachel Robinson

I was born and raised in Lincoln. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three amazing kids named Ellie, Brecken, and Finley. I worked as a PE teacher at Scott Middle School for 8.5 years and turned into a SAHM when my second kiddo was born. I love being home with my kids. It is so fulfilling to me to be home with them through each stage, to care for them and to be a part of the little details and the big moments in their lives.
My husband, John, is a men’s gymnastics coach at the University of Nebraska. Our kids love to go to the gym and play. We love that they now have a relationship with the college athletes. It is really fun. Go Big Red! I am very excited to be chatting about things motherhood here on CapitalMom. I hope you enjoy and are able to relate as we share our motherhood journeys.

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Finding My Calling with TeamMates Mentoring

Finding My Calling with TeamMates Mentoring

by | May 6, 2024 | Grandparents

I worked with TeamMates Mentoring at Lincoln Public Schools (LPS) shortly after Tom Osborne and his wife created the program in the early 90s. As a principal, I loved greeting the mentors because I knew how much the relationship meant to our students. The closer I got to retirement, I knew being a mentor with TeamMates was something I wanted to do with my free time.

First Steps into Mentoring

I contacted the TeamMate’s office and inquired about the organization and weekly requirements. The staff member who helped me was the wife of a fellow LPS administrator. She was excited about my participation in the program and answered all my questions. She called two days later and asked if I was interested in helping them out with a young boy who went to one of our feeder schools. After getting the okay from my superiors, I told her yes.

Building Trust with My First TeamMate

The young boy’s mother had just gone to prison, and he and his siblings were going to a foster home. Both the foster parents and the principal of the elementary school were hopeful I could help with the transition. I was ready. At least I thought so.

The first several months were hectic and rather disorganized. This young boy was very active and OCD. I soon realized my role was to give the teacher some time for him to blow off some steam. We met in a small room near the library and frequently drew on the white board. Playing organized games or reading were not yet part of our session. After some time, he became less agitated and followed directions. He obtained skills with his behavior and was a joy to work with. We were TeamMates for several years before the family moved away.

Mentoring a Bright & Independent Young Woman

When I connected with my next TeamMate, I had already retired so it was much easier. She was a middle school student who was very shy and very bright. She loved art and Dungeons and Dragons. She taught me a great deal! I worked hard to get her scholarships and find the perfect art class for her. During her senior year, she told me she didn’t want to go to college and was sorry to disappoint me. Yes, I was a bit disappointed but I realized this is what she wanted to do. She was not yet ready to move away from her parents and be on her own. To this day, we still chat on the phone and meet for lunch several times a year.

My New TeamMate with Big Dreams

This year, I have a new TeamMate who attends an elementary school. Her older brother was a student who attended Northstar, and he asked me to keep an eye on her. As a fourth grader, she is very smart, independent and already knows she wants to be an obstetrician. When I was in fourth grade, I didn’t even know what that word meant, let alone what I wanted to be.

She has her own challenges but nothing we can’t figure out together. For example, she’s so confident that when she works on a craft during our time together, she neglects to read the instructions. Minor details. We’re working on that skill first.

While working with her, I am reminded how I worked with my grandchildren when they were in elementary school. Don’t tell them what to do or how to do it, and patience is a virtue. Come to think of it, that’s still the way I communicate with my grandkids today. I’m supportive but stay out of their way! Sometimes those grandparent skills just keeping giving, long after your own grandkids are grown and on their own. I’ll always be there for my grandkids and my TeamMates.

Nancy Becker

Nancy Becker

Grandkids & Grandparents

I have four grandchildren ages 14-17. In some ways, I’m a very typical grandma, always proud of everything the kids do and wanting to help support them in whatever way I can. In other ways, I’m not very typical. My goal as a blogger is to share my thoughts and experiences that I think are funny and meaningful as I adventure through grandmahood.

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What to Do If Your Kid Lacks Motivation About School

What to Do If Your Kid Lacks Motivation About School

by | Mar 11, 2024 | K-12

Sometimes it feels like our kids really don’t care about school. Even when they’re smart and underachieving, or especially when they’re failing school, it’s not as simple as not caring about school.

A Shift in Collyns’ Approach to Schoolwork

Collyns, who is in fourth grade, shows no enthusiasm for school and learning. We knew it was important to address the problem head on. Recently, we attended her parent-teacher conference. She is doing fine in most subjects—except math. We wanted to see what her teacher was observing in the classroom.

She has never been an A+ student, but she has always tried her best. Lately, however, she does her work for completion points and doesn’t seem to care if it’s done correctly. She isn’t asking for help at school or at home if she does not understand the problem. She takes some steps to solving the problem, but if she doesn’t know what to do next, she stops and says it’s complete even though it’s not done correctly.

How to Turn Resistance into Positive Motivation

The teacher told us that the important thing to remember is that Collyns is motivated. She’s just motivated to resist us and others when she does not want to do something. The key is to learn how to turn her negative motivation into a positive one. That’s why we worked together with her teacher to address the early signs of motivation problems and discussed how to provide a better learning environment for Collyns.

Timing Is Key

One thing we realized is that we ask our children to do their homework right after school—before we get home and the chaos of practices begin. Collyns always has her homework completed, but neither Mitch nor I check to see if it’s done correctly. This has now changed. One of us will look it over and see if she has done it correctly and help her if she hasn’t.

Build a Support System

Next, she asks her older brother, Cohen, to help her with the homework she does not understand. Cohen didn’t have a problem in math. He continues to excel and gets his homework done correctly most of the time. Fortunately, he understands her math homework and is willing to help her problem solve.

The motivation is to do things her way, not ours. The motivation is to retain power. Her motivation stems from not knowing what to do next. Now that we have a system in place, when she gets stuck, she has an outlet in her brother.

Praise the Process, Not the Result

Lastly, we started praising her hard work, not just her overall grades. Instead of rewarding her grades, our reward comes in the form of verbal encouragement, praise, hugs and other positive attention—again, not focused on grades, but rather on the learning process in general.

We now regularly ask her about what she is learning each day and engage with her when she’s excited to tell us something about school. She seems to be doing better with her math homework and hopefully it will show on tests. I am thankful Cohen is willing and able to help her with her homework. We will continue to praise her for working hard and finding her motivation.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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How I Embraced Being Present This Summer

How I Embraced Being Present This Summer

by | Aug 14, 2023 | K-12

It’s that time of year again—back to school. This summer felt like it lasted a second. I blinked and it’s gone. I feel like we just had an end of the school year party and now here we go again.

Cherishing Summer Moments With My Kids

I don’t know who enjoys summer vacation more—me or my kids. I cherished these last three months. I took time to be present in my kids’ lives. Yes, I still worked my full-time job outside the home, but having my son home most days gave me reason to leave for lunch or clock out early.

How to Prioritize Presence Over Everything

As much as I love my career, being 100% present with my kids takes center stage. I’m still on a journey to fully understand what being present means and how it can make a difference in my interactions and relationships.

I realized it all comes down to the choices I decide to make. I must select my daily priorities and give them the most attention. So, this summer I focused on three things.

1. Cut Back on Technology

As much as I love technology, and I use it as a part of my job, I still limit my technology intake. Here are my strict guidelines:

  • After 5 PM, I don’t check email and turn off notifications because those pings are distracting.
  • I put my phone away when I am with my family, so that I won’t look at anything when they are speaking with me.

2. Limit Social Media Time

I use social media for business, and I’ve almost completely cut back on social media personally. I realized I was seeing my life from my phone and was missing the in-person moments.

Social media is designed to make you engage more, to be curious about what friends are doing and saying and to check who is liking and praising you. Suddenly my minutes, hours and soon days were filled with seeing what everyone else was doing. My fear of missing out was real.

But guess what? When I fed into FOMO, I started missing out on real-life moments with the people who matter the most. So now, I take quick pictures here and there so I have them, but I want to be present in my life.

3. Start to Be Mindful

Being “mindful” and “mindfulness” have become big buzz words in my house. When you’re mindful, you’re present and aware of what’s around you. As a result, you’re able to recognize someone else’s feelings.

I’ve started meditating. Now I use all my senses when someone is talking with me. I can tell when someone close to me says one thing but their body and tone of voice say something else. This is very beneficial to my children and spouse. I am more aware of their feelings and the underlying meaning of their words.

Embracing the Back-to-School Transition

So, I am sad the summer is ending, and my days are becoming consumed with work, chores, schoolwork and kids’ activities. But, I am going to try and live in the moment.

A Note to New Mothers

However, I know this advice seems impossible for new moms. You’re probably exhausted and feeling defeated. I feel you. I know that you want some of these moments to end and that you don’t want to live in this moment forever. And you will get through it. But now that my kids are older and they sleep through the night, I truly understand why I need time to slow down.

Hold your children close and breathe them in. Today becomes tomorrow at an alarming rate. Cherish the small, insignificant moments because one day they will act as breadcrumbs, leading you back to a time, a place and a life once lived. It’s easy to get caught up in our never-ending laundry list that we overlook what truly matters. For now, I am present in my life and for my family.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Kid-Friendly Conversations About Gun Violence

Kid-Friendly Conversations About Gun Violence

by | Apr 10, 2023 | K-12

Every child deserves to go to school in a safe, warm and loving environment that fosters learning. Every staff member deserves to go to work and not fear for their lives. The images are heart-wrenching, the loss of life incomprehensible. Talking to your children about what they’ve seen or heard may not be easy, but it’s necessary.

Safety Plans for Emergencies at School

Most schools have lockdown drills and lockout drills. Children are practicing for this very reason. Guns in schools should never happen, but it’s becoming more and more of a reality. I have two kids, a 9-year-old and almost 12-year-old. These shootings hit home even in Nebraska. I can’t leave them to figure this out alone. I want to be right there with them having tough conversations about complicated feelings and possible questions.

How to Ask Children About Current Events

It’s common for parents to be nervous for conversations about tragedy. I started by asking an open-ended question, like “How do you feel about this?” or “What questions do you have about that event?”

My son just asked, “Why would anyone kill a child?” I used simple words to explain that some people are cruel but most of the time those people are confused or having mental health issues. Then I sat back and just listened to my children.

I noticed what they were not saying, too. I read their nonverbal body language. My daughter was fidgety and tearful. I just wanted to snuggle her up, love both of them and never let go. My goal was to provide comfort and reassurance by being there.

Ways to Comfort Without White Lies

My husband told me that it’s important not to lie to them. I wanted to tell them that something like this will never happen in Lincoln or in their school, but I couldn’t. It could happen here, so all I could do was validate their feelings of being afraid and reassure them that the drills they are doing are to protect them if something does happen. I emphasized that schools are safe and to take safety practices seriously.

I also told them that if they see something out of the ordinary happening in school to say something. I wanted to make sure they were comfortable reporting potential problems or behaviors that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe in their school. This could be about gun violence, bullying, or any other at-risk behavior.

Emotional Control & Empowerment Strategies

We worked together on strategies that I hope will help them feel safe and empowered while they process their emotions. Teaching them coping techniques like breathing deeply, taking a timeout, exercising or engaging in creative activities like art and music can be helpful tools to draw upon when they experience triggers related to school shootings. My husband is better at this than I am, but I also tried to model empathy and self-care by practicing what I preached. The goal was to help them gain personal strength so they can face the difficult reality in ways that promote healing rather than cause further harm.

Even with these conversations, I reminded myself that I needed to be patient. Even if they weren’t in that school or that community, they may still be having a significant response to it. I was. There needs to be a change, but for now, I encourage you all to have those difficult conversations and hug your kiddos tight.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Helping My Son Make Middle School Friends

Helping My Son Make Middle School Friends

by | Oct 31, 2022 | K-12, Toddlers

One quarter down and Cohen is doing great in middle school. He takes pride in his schoolwork, and really enjoys most of his classes, but hates it. He dreads going every day!

I am not worried about his grades; he is getting all A’s. Even though he says middle school is much harder than elementary he is doing great. He really enjoyed his Spanish class first quarter and has taught me several words. Even though I took 4 years of it in high school, I can’t speak a word! Now he is in a healthy living class and recently learned how to make omelets. Like I said, he likes his classes but hates school.

Struggling to Make Friends

He hasn’t found “his people”. As a parent, it is so hard to watch your child struggle to make friends. Cohen is kind, loving, social and so friendly, I don’t understand why he can’t find his core group of friends. I know it’s not a lack of social skills but maybe he’s just in an environment where people don’t have the same ideas or interests as him, and he’s just having a real challenge finding his group of people. He hates his pod. A pod is where his locker is located. Don’t get me wrong, he has a couple of friends at school, but he never sees them. His middle school is so big he doesn’t have his two friends in any of his classes or near his pod.

His “happy place” is the soccer field. There he has his teammates, who he considers his best friends. He would rather hang out with them than anyone in school. However, they all go to different schools, so he doesn’t see them every day or have those friendly faces in school.

But I do think is it important for him to find a group of friends or just a couple of core friends in school. I want to make school better for him.

Putting Yourself Out There

So, I think it’s time for him to explore and maybe join an after-school activity. There are plenty of clubs and school-sponsored events he can try out. This may be the perfect way to discover his other passions and interests besides soccer —some he may not have even known he has! It’s also a great way for him to learn something new. And fingers crossed, he may even make a friend along the way.

Obviously, having a locker in a pod is new. He tells me that he’s always in a hurry because he doesn’t want to be late so maybe he seems unapproachable. So, I told him to just smile more. It seems like such a simple thing to do but a smile can start a lot of friendships. I know it’s hard for him because he is in a place where he is not making friends, no matter how hard he tries, so a smile may seem difficult to do. However, not smiling can make you even more of an outsider.

Now I’m not talking about walking around with a grin all day because people will think he’s just weird. But I’m talking about lightening up and putting positive energy out there. I told him to laugh at his classmates’ jokes (if they aren’t funny, jokes) and smile at people when he walks by. If his exterior cracks and he lets people in a little, then he may have a much better chance of making friends.

As parents, we often want to immediately jump into problem-solving mode whenever our child is having an issue. But it’s a better idea to slow down and just listen to what they have to say, first. Giving kids the space to open up and feel heard lets them know that it’s okay to talk about emotions — and that you’re a good person to turn to whenever they need help.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Reconnecting With My Substitute Grandkids

Reconnecting With My Substitute Grandkids

by | Jul 12, 2022 | Grandparents

The weekend of June 18 was certainly a fun one for me. It was filled with my involvement in a couple of community activism events. I’ve always worked hard to include my grandkids in my community activities. We marched in the Martin Luther King Youth Rallies for years, volunteered at the Malone Center handing out food to those in need, and we even marched at the capitol for Women’s Rights. Since my grandbabies have left town, at least for the time being, I can only send pictures and text them about my activities in Lincoln and hope they will in turn become more involved and participate in their own community events which mean something near and dear to their hearts.

Taking Part in Community Activism

Earlier in the spring, I signed up to walk in my church’s entry in the Pride Parade. Last year, several of the grandkids and I watched the Pride Parade participants walking around the Nebraska Capitol. It was fun to be an observer, so I was really looking forward to participating in the parade this year. My church group had matching t-shirts and loved the idea of sharing the love.

The highlight of the parade was not our church’s entry, although we were a merry and welcoming marching group. The highlight was joining with a couple of past Lincoln Southeast High School graduates who were also marching with our church. I remembered them as strong women athletes who lead Lincoln Southeast High School in women’s basketball to numerous Nebraska State Tournaments. I was thrilled to see them and we reconnected quickly and not so quietly. I had maintained some connection with these young women and we found we were reconnected with a renewed sense of energy. We were proud of our Pride Convictions and loved reliving their joyous youth and present successes in their lives.

The second highlight of the weekend was experiencing the 2022 Juneteenth Celebration at the Lincoln Malone Center. There were multiple tents that sheltered various organizations and non-profit groups offering support to the Lincoln families. The Malone Center was very well organized and I enjoyed walking through the tents and learning how the Lincoln community supports all citizens. I learned a great deal!

It was a terribly hot afternoon. I kept under the shade of the tents as much as possible and then moved to the shade around the water sprinkler children’s fun area at Trago Park. I thought it would be a great spot to watch the small kids running through the sprinklers. I cannot deny a part of me wanted to run around with the little kids in the water spray. I’m pleased to say I controlled my heated emotions and relaxed quietly in the shade.

I relaxed quietly until I heard the Juneteenth Celebration’s emcee speaking into the mic. I paused and thought I recognized the voice. I had no idea who the emcee was and dismissed any type of connection. As I continued to watch the water spray, I also continued to listen to the emcee. He was encouraging audience members to rap the ABCs following a beat on the piano. Since I felt a connection with the emcee’s voice, I left the shade of the water spray area and moved to the heat in front of the emcee’s stage.

Reconnecting With Former Students

I looked closely at the emcee and in an instant realized he was a Lincoln Southeast High School graduate while I was principal. I stood in the heat in front of the stage hoping the emcee would recognize me. Nope, no luck. My white hair and grandma body is no longer a visual connection to the kids I had in high school in the 90s. I waited patiently until the emcee had a break. I went up to him and introduced myself. He was thrilled to reconnect with me. We hugged, took pictures, laughed and even cried together. It was another amazing reunion!

The next day, I reflected on my weekend. I truly missed not seeing and being with my own grandkids. I shared with each of my grandkids my experiences and sent them accompanied pictures. There is no replacement for not being able to be with my grandbabies. However, what I did experience was the joy of having substitute grandkids with me that weekend. I was able to laugh, cry and hug my way through the weekend in a way I never expected. Somehow I wondered how I would deal with life without my grandkids being in Lincoln with me. Now I know I can hang in there, as long as I am active in the community, active in my Southeast and Northstar high schools, and continue to look forward to reconnecting with my substitute grandkids wherever they may be.

Nancy Becker

Nancy Becker

Grandkids & Grandparents

I have four grandchildren ages 14-17. In some ways, I’m a very typical grandma, always proud of everything the kids do and wanting to help support them in whatever way I can. In other ways, I’m not very typical. My goal as a blogger is to share my thoughts and experiences that I think are funny and meaningful as I adventure through grandmahood.

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Getting Ready for Middle School

Getting Ready for Middle School

by | Jun 1, 2022 | K-12

Middle school. Just saying the words brings me thoughts of puberty and pimples. Of insecurity and awkwardness, including bad hair and braces. Really, middle school years, I believe may be the most challenging and confusing time in one’s life.

However, the idea of changing schools for middle school is new to me. I went to a private school that was Kindergarten through 8th grade, so I never had to transition to middle school. Recently, Cohen and I had information night at his new middle school. We took a tour, met some of the staff, asked questions, and learned about expectations and procedures. He had so many questions that I tried to answer but again I didn’t go to middle school, so this is new to the both of us. Cohen says he is ready, but I am not.

Since he is my oldest, this is uncharted territory for all of us. Right now, he’s excited about meeting new people, having new experiences and gaining more independence. It will be a new adventure and I am looking forward to watching him grow. I will admit, though, that I am also more than a little scared. I’ve heard lots of stories about kids making bad choices, giving in to peer pressure, using social media for inappropriateness and trying to do grown-up things far too soon. I’m sure he’s aware of these things as well.

Part of me wants to think he is too smart and too good to fall into those traps. But then there is the real me, that refuses to be a naive parent who is blind to the truth.

Yes, I have taught him basic values and morals, but now, more than ever is the time to help him apply it all. I believe middle school is the ideal time to mentor him in how to practically work out the character qualities that he learned as a boy. He is so sweet, loving, kind and innocent – and I don’t want that to change.

Because he is our first child, it may seem like the other parents are giving freedoms and privileges that I will not; I may be stricter, but I hope to stand my ground and not feel pressured to do the same. I know my son better than anyone, and I can make the call when the time is right to do these so-called more grown-up things.

And perhaps my greatest job during these years is to study my son and determine just where he is on that spectrum of growth and development, mentally and physically, and parent him accordingly. Not according to a number (grade or age). I do not want to parent him according to what his friends are doing. I want to do the very best thing for him, in the stage he is currently in.

For me, hitting the middle school years is like getting to half-time of an important game: I may be ahead now, but the game’s not over. I need to towel-off, get a big drink of water and then gear up for the second half. This is something that I want to finish strong.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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How I Work to Inspire High School Students

How I Work to Inspire High School Students

by | Feb 7, 2022 | K-12

As a principal, my husband gives many talks to the students throughout the year. Most times the talks are informational and to remind students of expectations but there are times when the talks are inspirational. During any one of these talks the students and teachers really see the heart of my husband. My favorite talk, however, is each year when my husband talks to the senior class. The words are never the same, yet the message is. I always get a little choked up when he ends this discussion, “Just remember, I love you all.” Yet, what gets to me the most is he not only encourages students to graduate from Milford High School with their high school diploma but also with a passion, a purpose and an employable skill.

Passion, Purpose, and Skill

With a passion, a purpose and an employable skill. My husband articulates this sentiment so well, yet this is my belief. This is my colleagues down the hall belief. What is really crazy about this, is an article I read about a month ago, suggesting employers today are starting to value skills over degrees. This article made it very clear degrees are still important, however, the skills prospective employees possess may have a bigger impact during the hiring process. This made me think even more. What can I do as a teacher to better connect students with their values and their employability skills?

A Love For Teaching

I love the teaching profession because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. I get the opportunity to have discussions with students on the importance of finding a passion. The importance of starting to develop or find their purpose. And even, teach about values and how these values develop into passionate employees.

Success in high school looks completely different to each student I serve. Even with my passion for teaching, I need a shift in my thinking. I need to encourage failure more and more inside my classroom. Allow students to develop more self-awareness of their values and apply these in the learning process. I need to encourage students to enjoy the learning process rather than focus on the grade. I need to encourage all of this while also helping my students find relevant experiences to connect their values and beliefs to their learning. Most importantly, I want my students to understand that no matter where their next stage in life takes them, the skills and passions they developed in high school will help them continue to live out their purpose. Through all of this, I can truly support our principal’s sentiments of graduating high school with a passion, purpose and employable skill.

Shelly Mowinkel

Shelly Mowinkel

K-12 & Teens

My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a “tag-team chauffeuring” service, yet I wouldn’t have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.

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Is She Trying?

Is She Trying?

by | Jan 31, 2022 | K-12

School is supposed to be a fun time where children learn new and exciting things about themselves and the world around them. But sometimes children can lack motivation in school and not give it their best effort. As parents, all we want is to see our children succeed in life and that starts with school.

2 – Approaches district expectations.

That’s what I saw on most of my daughter’s report card. But this wasn’t a surprise. At parent/teacher conferences, I knew she was struggling. When I met with her 2nd grade teacher, we talked about a plan and identified the areas where she was not applying herself.

So, I wonder, is she trying? Does she care?

Setting Achievable Goals

Do you remember when you were in school, how overwhelmed you would feel with a big project or test? Maybe Collyns might be feeling too overwhelmed to do any schoolwork. So, we decided to help her by setting achievable goals that she can hit. Breaking something big into smaller milestones is a tool she has enjoyed and will use her whole life. Smaller goals make her feel accomplished and inspire her to continue working to keep this feeling up.

We started small. We decided she needed extra help in reading. She now works with a para and has a fluency folder – which is a 1-minute read at home every night, over the course of the week. She gets books from the library that she seems to enjoy reading. But to be truthful, she still hates it. She also has a hard time with reading comprehension. She tends to rush through her tests and guess on the questions rather than look for text evidence. She again despises these tests and wants them over with and so she doesn’t seem to care. During these tests, her teacher reminds her to slow down and focus and the task on hand.

Working Together at Home

At home, we also work on her spelling words. She likes using a dry-erase board to work on her list instead of pencil and paper. At night we work on 5 words from her 15-word list, so she isn’t overwhelmed with the entire list every night. Then the night before her test we work on the words she questioned during the week.

We continue to help her with math. Even though every night seems to be a fight she tries and eventually finishes the problems. She seems to understand the lesson that they are working on but must be reminded. Recently, I started to set a timer for 5 minutes. She must see how much math homework she can do correctly in the time. Most of the time she gets it done and looks at me and says, “that didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” She continues to gain confidence in her work. If she is overwhelmed, we take a break. I don’t make her do all her work in one setting if she becomes frustrated.

How you represent school and learning in your house is how your child is going to view school overall. So, if you are yelling or disciplining your child for doing bad on a test or report card, they may start to resent school and stop trying!

We’ve all done it. Used the threat of taking away something our child loves in order to try and motivate them. ‘If you don’t start doing your homework in the next 10 minutes, there will be no iPad after dinner.’

I’ve learned that doesn’t help motivate Collyns. It makes her angrier. If she starts her homework with a bad attitude, it will take her twice as long and it will most likely end with me yelling and her in tears. She will continue to hate school and feel less confident and continue to not try either at home or in class.

Staying Positive

This is not how I want her to see school. Instead, I remind myself every night to remain positive, talk about what she is doing well and see why she thinks she is not doing well in other subjects. I try not to talk down to her, but instead be the positive force she needs in her life. Fingers crossed, some of these strategies will pay off for the spring semester.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Recognizing My Gift is Joy

Recognizing My Gift is Joy

by | Sep 6, 2021 | K-12

Today I started the day out in a rush. I hit my snooze button for an extra 30 minutes. I took a little longer to put makeup on, brush my teeth and walk out the door. Little did I know a handful of colored circles with wobbly lines would change my day.

Needing to Slow Down

Once I arrived at school it seemed as if I had left my checklist completely unattended the day before and there were already six new items to check off before the warning bell rang. To start the day, there was a tech issue in the Spanish classroom and I explained in my best Spanish, “Yo estoy rapido en la mañana!” All the students looked at me with a look of confusion. The actual Spanish teacher explained, “I was in a hurry this morning.”

My day started out in a rush and feeling behind. I kept reminding myself I needed that extra sleep and time this morning just to prepare myself for the day. I kept focusing on the big picture of the day. I wanted to control what needed to be checked off on my list and became very frustrated when I remembered things to keep adding to this list. At one point in the morning, my daughter kindly asked, “Mom, do you need me to help you today? You seem so rushed.”

It’s the Little Things that Matter

And before I knew it, I was abruptly reminded at about 8:30, 9:15, 10:20 and then again at 11:10, that the little things are what bring us joy. Two text messages, a reminder that a “to do” list is overrated, a “this is so cool” comment from a seventh-grader, and the excited “oohs” from kindergarteners.

Yes, four times I was reminded to look at the simple, little things. I don’t think I was intentionally ignoring the small moments of joy, I just think I wasn’t “seeing” those moments. The fourth reminder came from my little kindergartener friends. They showed me joy is right in front of me, they showed me simplicity brings joy. In my small time frame with kindergarteners today, I brought joy to them by showing them how to color little circles with wobbly lines using technology. Yet, they reminded me of my life word — joy.

“Your Gift is Joy”

Later on in the day, I was teaching my Intro to Business students a lesson on leadership and a quote from my mom popped up on one of the slides, which I had forgotten I had typed. My mom told me prior to her passing away, “Shelly your gift is joy, share it daily with your students.” It took me everything to hold back tears.

My day needed to start out in a hurry, because I needed to be reminded of the joy the simple/little things bring us in life. Some days I get caught up looking at the big picture, looking at the big goal, I forget it is about the small things that we do that allow us to have the greatest impact on those around us. I am thankful for those wobbly colored circles as they reminded me that my greatest gift is the joy I share with others.

Shelly Mowinkel

Shelly Mowinkel

K-12 & Teens

My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a “tag-team chauffeuring” service, yet I wouldn’t have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.

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