Balancing Parenthood & Friendship

Balancing Parenthood & Friendship

by | Jul 17, 2023 | Babies, K-12

We recently returned from a family vacation. There were eight of us crammed into one car to see Mount Rushmore. It was on that trip when I realized that my kids were cool and fun to hangout with. They’re at a great age where we can sit and enjoy their company. It made me ask myself, “Why can’t my kids be my friends?”

Balancing Parenthood & Friendship

Many parents, myself included, are concerned about being their child’s friend. But my mom is my best friend. However, she wasn’t my best friend until I became an adult. She was a parent first.

With my preteen son, he’s at the age where he needs me to be a parent first, too. I want him to feel comfortable talking to me, but I know if I were to put our friendship first, establishing myself as an authority figure would be difficult. I don’t want him questioning my rules and boundaries. That’s why, for now, I’m his friendly parent. Besides, I know he has friends his own age to listen to him if he’s not comfortable talking with me.

Setting Boundaries for Healthy Parent-Child Relationships

That isn’t to say that we can’t have fun together. We love playing board games and mini golf. I’ve just always believed that the goal of parenting is to create independent adults. If I do this well, I think I’ll also create the kind of adults I enjoy spending time with and would select to be my friends.

I will always be friendly and enjoy hanging out with my son regardless of his age. I’ll show him love, guidance and leadership. I simply want to behave as a parent and lay a solid foundation for a healthy friendship with him when he is an adult.

Though I may live in denial about it, the day will come when my children move out and make their own homes, growing into lives of their own. I know as he gets older that his parenting needs will change, likely requiring less rule-setting. That’s when I can start acting more like a friend.

Embracing My Role as the Uncool Mom

I’m no expert, just a mom lucky enough to have children she likes and wants to be around. For the moment, they want to be around me as well. I can’t imagine a closer bond and a greater gift! So, I will assume my role as strictly a mom throughout their teen years. As that role often involves, I’ll set limits my children probably aren’t going to like. But that’s okay because I’ve never wanted to be a cool parent. I just want my kids to grow into good, responsible people.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Children & Social Media: Teaching Internet Safety for Kids

Children & Social Media: Teaching Internet Safety for Kids

by | Jan 23, 2023 | Babies, K-12

Let’s face it, as much as we might want to keep our kids away from social media forever, that’s probably not realistic. It could happen at any time. Eventually, my kids may want their own social media accounts.

It’s not a political question, but I know people have strong opinions about it. This topic recently came up in my house. Obviously, both my kids have seen us use social media. My almost 12-year-old son is already on Kids Messenger and YouTube. He also has online chat in multiplayer video games like Fortnite. I know other social media apps require you to be 13 years old but even that seems young.

Is Social Media Too Dangerous for Preteens?

I remember when Facebook became popular. I was a freshman in college, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I know I probably can’t force my kids to wait until college to be on social media, but that would be nice! Not only is social media a big part of my work life, but it’s also a big part of my creative life. So, the question that came up, “Can social media also be part of my pre-teen’s life, or is it too dangerous?”

The simple answer—from both my husband and I—is yes. It can be a part of a pre-teen’s life, and it is dangerous.

Parenting in the Digital Age

Don’t get me wrong, I am very aware that pre-teens and teenagers use social media to have fun, make and maintain friendships, share and learn interests, explore identities and develop relationships with family members far away. It’s an extension of their offline and face-to-face interactions. But this is also new territory for most parents, including myself.

Instead of being terrified by the situation, my husband and I sat down and discussed it. We didn’t have social media growing up, nor cell phones or the internet. We’re parenting in a whole new world, and we know that it’s up to us to teach them right from wrong whether online or offline.

Creating a Social Media Plan for Kids

As a family, we came up with a plan that everyone agreed on.

Using social media responsibly doesn’t just happen. It requires regular conversation and routine updates. That’s why my husband and I will monitor Cohen’s social media usage. At first, I thought that seemed to be violating his privacy, but my husband reminded me that kids don’t always make the best decisions. So, when Cohen gets social media apps, we all understand that I can look at his pages any time.

Our social media plan goes back to our cell phone rules. I have his passwords and can look at his messages. We try to be proactive by teaching him online etiquette and safety before he gets in trouble and learns the hard way. The most important part of this plan is having an open dialogue with our child and setting boundaries around the appropriate, responsible use of digital devices.

Conversations about Digital Responsibility

We explained to Cohen what social media is and how it can be used in a child-friendly manner. We told him there are restrictions in place for his protection. We discussed appropriate and inappropriate online behavior. We let him know that he is vulnerable to online predators, even if he’s unaware, so to be careful with virtual strangers.

I taught my kids about responsibly uploading photos of themselves and friends. They know that whatever they post on social media stays there forever. While images, videos, tweets and messages can be deleted, information can resurface for others to still see, screenshot or save their content before it goes away.

Instead of banning my kids from all social activities online, we’ll continue to teach them how to be smart about their social engagements and keep the conversation going as they grow older.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Top 5 Things I Would Tell New Moms

Top 5 Things I Would Tell New Moms

by | Dec 26, 2022 | Babies, Toddlers

At the end of every year, there are always top 10 lists for something. Recently, a friend asked me if I could write a blog about the top five or 10 things I would tell new parents. So, after reflecting on the last 12 years of parenting, here are the things I wish someone told me as a first-time mom.

#1: Ask for Help

Motherhood is the only job that anyone can do without experience. Somehow, we all figure it out as we’re going. But I wasn’t prepared for how tough the beginning would be.

I don’t remember much from the first few weeks home as a new mom, except feeling like I was riding a rollercoaster. There were highs, lows and days that felt like a blur. I remember wishing I had others to lean on during the process. I now know I did, but I was forgetting to ask for help. If I could go back, I’d whisper into my tired ear, “It’s okay to take the help. It doesn’t make you a failure or a bad mom.”

If someone offers to watch your child, let them—even if it’s just so you can nap. If you’re lucky enough to have parents who are willing and able to help, use them. To this day, my mom is my lifesaver when it comes to my kids.

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed in motherhood, especially in the first few years. But I survived, and you will, too.

#2: Mothers Know Best

Listen to others’ advice, but make your own decisions. Whatever is best for your child is ultimately your choice. There are so many differentiating opinions on how to be a great mom. If both you and your child are happy and healthy, you’re parenting right. You don’t need to be thriving, especially in those first years!

Side-note: Breastfeeding. So many people have differing advice. Just know that it’s hard. If you can do it, great! If you can’t, don’t stress over it. A healthy, fed child is all you need. MilkWorks was my “breast” friend.

#3: Date Your Partner

First-time moms need to work hard to maintain relationships—both friendships and romantic connections. If you’re raising children with your partner, it’s more important than ever to go on dates together. When you’re so busy raising a kid, it can sometimes feel like you have a roommate, not a partner. Dating allows you to reconnect and focus on each other.

When your kids are young, this can be difficult. Fortunately, any time together can be a date, even if it’s a trip to the grocery store. I’ve come to enjoy those simple, mundane trips with my spouse. It isn’t what we do, it’s who we’re with that makes the time special.

#4: Take Time for Yourself

The last thing I’d tell new parents is that once you become a mom, you are superwoman. You become an excellent juggler. You are now a chef, maid, teacher, personal driver, best friend, employee/employer and booboo kisser. You can do it all. Be proud of yourself. But also take time for yourself.

If you can only spare a minute or two, start your morning with a quick meditation to calm your mind or do something just for you. You may have just become superwoman, but you’re still only one person. Take care of yourself before taking care of others.

#5: Enjoy What You Can

It (mostly) goes by fast. The first year? No. You’ll be sleep-deprived and think hard times will never end. But now that my kids are older, I look back and wonder where the time went. How do I already have an 11-year-old and an 8-year-old? Now, I have more freedom to enjoy being a parent. My tiny humans can do more things for themselves, are fun to hang out with, and still think mom is cool
for now!

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Listening to Your Body – Living with Endometriosis

Listening to Your Body – Living with Endometriosis

by | Dec 28, 2021 | Babies, Toddlers

Imagine being a senior in high school excited for your senior prom then hearing the words, “You might not be able to have kids.” That was me. Obviously, as an 18-year-old I wasn’t thinking about my future children right then but as previously mentioned, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, all I wanted to do was be a mom. So here I was in high school and hit with the thought that my dream may never come true.

Getting Diagnosed

Throughout my senior year, I would have this sporadic pain in my stomach. It was so debilitating I had to stay home from school. It would come and go, and I didn’t think it wasn’t associated with my cycle. I saw multiple doctors, but no one could diagnose my pain. Luckily, my mom believed me and fought for her child. We eventually saw a gynecologist in hopes she could figure it out. After several tests with no results, the gynecologist didn’t think the pain had anything to do with my ovaries or lady parts and the ultrasound didn’t show anything. I was sent home with the response “come back next time you have this pain.” But since the pain would come and go and I had no indication of when it was coming it took several more months for anything to be diagnosed.

People say it all the time — “listen to your body.” Some people feel really in tune with their bodies, others feel like they’re completely disconnected. Sometimes the phrase feels like it’s lost its meaning altogether. Especially when doctors keep telling you nothing is wrong.

The next time I had the pain we went back to the gynecologist, still with no conclusive reason. The doctor scheduled me for a laparoscopy. Through this procedure, she eventually diagnosed me with endometriosis. My first reaction was, “I’m not crazy – there’s really something wrong here!” My next response was to learn as much as I possibly could about the disease and its treatment.

Endometriosis is a chronic and painful disease that occurs when the endometrium (tissue that originates from the lining of your uterus) starts growing outside of your uterus, where it doesn’t belong. The endometrial tissue that grows outside of your uterus is called a lesion or an implant. These lesions are fueled by a sex hormone called estrogen. When estrogen levels rise, these lesions (patches of endometrial tissue) can grow. Later in the menstrual cycle, they may break down and shed. This can cause pain throughout the month.

Through this procedure, the doctor saw that the lesions were so severe they had to open me up through a bigger incision and remove my left ovary and fallopian tube. The lesions were encapsulating both and they couldn’t be saved. Not only that, but the doctor also didn’t want the lesions to come back so they prescribed a hormone treatment that put my body into menopause for a year.

Here I was, spring semester of my senior year going through menopause. On the plus side, I wouldn’t have a period for the next year. However, with menopause came hot flashes, mood swings and other symptoms. Try explaining that to your friends. The doctors also said conceiving a child may be difficult, but we’ll have to wait and see.

After a year of menopause, I was put on birth control to regulate and somewhat control my periods. I didn’t have any problems. I was in college and felt like my normal self again. Fast forward several years, the good news, my periods are back to normal, and I didn’t have any problems conceiving. We are blessed with 2 beautiful children.

Managing My Endometriosis

But here I sit at the age of 35 with this sporadic, debilitating pain in my lower abdomen again. After seeing the gynecologist and doing an ultrasound, once again there was nothing suggesting why there is pain. So, the doctor gave me my options: 1) exploratory surgery 2) hysterectomy 3) deal with the pain every so often.

Right now, I am dealing with the pain. The doctors and I agreed that a hysterectomy was probably in my future but wanted to wait until I was closer to 40. So, I started to keep a pain journal. I’ve found this to be very important both in managing my own illness – I was able to see, for instance, a link between my caffeine and alcohol consumption and pain – and in helping doctors to see patterns that can guide treatment. People, doctors and friends alike also take you more seriously when you’re able to demonstrate exactly what you’re experiencing and when you felt it. I made a chart based on a 28-day cycle and kept track of things I ate or drank that might be potential triggers, when I had discomfort, and what seemed to make me feel better.

I sought out the support of other women with endometriosis. No one can really understand until they’ve been through it themselves. In the meantime, I keep looking after myself! A diagnosis of endometriosis may feel like the end of the world, especially at first, but I continue to find that it’s not!

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Is There a Right Time to Have a Baby?

Is There a Right Time to Have a Baby?

by | Sep 27, 2021 | Babies

Is there really a “right time” to get pregnant? As it turns out, everyone you ask will likely give you a different answer. It’s a question just about every person considers once they enter adulthood. The answer will not only be different for different people but may change during your life.

When a couple gets married, they are almost always faced with the inevitable pester from friends and family: So when are you having kids? The older you are, the more pressing the question seems to be. Ticktock, ticktock.

There’s No Right Age to Have Kids

It may be that in your twenties, having kids later feels right
 but once you’re in your mid-30s, you still aren’t sure. Or you may decide at 30 that now is the right time. Of course, the optimal time for a woman to get pregnant is when she’s ready—physically, emotionally, mentally and financially—and this time varies greatly from woman to woman. For my husband and me, we jumped at having kids right away. We were in our mid-twenties and still newlyweds. Every couple’s first year of marriage can be exciting for many reasons – whether they decide to travel to a far-flung destination together or buy their first home, but for us, we knew we wanted kids.

Neither my husband nor I were well established in our careers – we still aren’t. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and my husband is still in school. We had little money and neither of us knew what we were doing. I know that nobody really knows what they are doing when it comes to having kids but I question how we survived. Were we really ready and the answer was no, but would I change it? No.

Surviving the First Few Years of Parenthood

I look back on those early years and think, “How did we do it?” Those first several years are rough. We’d been together for 5 years but only married 1 before we had Cohen. We were so young that most of our friends were still going out, but we were now raising a family. Unfortunately, we lost track of some friends because of how different our lives were at that time.

Now we are in our thirties and our oldest is 10 and youngest is 7. Most of our close friends are having babies. They ask for advice and the baby stage seems like such a long time ago. My children are almost old enough to babysit. It feels like we are again in different stages of our lives. But now I understand what my friends are going through and can make a better effort to help and stay in touch.

However, since we are the “young” parents we will continue to be in different stages of our lives compared to most of our friends. But, when we are in our early fifties, our children will be grown and out of the house. Fingers crossed we’ll have more money and be able to travel. And it’s weird to think but we could be grandparents.

When You Have Kids Is Your Choice

All in all, experts and moms agree that there’s really no right answer to the question of “when is the best age to get pregnant?” Biologically, the answer is probably the early 20s, but innumerable factors must be considered, many of which differ by individual. Your best plan of action is to do what feels right for you—whatever that may be.

If you and your spouse want to have a baby right after getting married, go for it. Don’t worry about what people will think, it’s up to you and your other half. There’s no right or wrong time to have a baby and you’ll never be 100% ready. Being married for longer doesn’t make you better or more ready to be parents, or stronger as a couple. If it’s what you both want then do it. Anyone who is currently pregnant, get ready for the most emotional, stressful, uncertain and amazing ride of your life. Every day is different but every day is so amazing. Just enjoy it.

Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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Plastic Surgery after Babies
Yay or Nay?

Plastic Surgery after Babies
Yay or Nay?

by | Apr 23, 2019 | Babies, Toddlers

Saggy breasts, excess skin and my favorite, the love pouch. Like most women, my body changed after having kids. It wasn’t until I knew I was done having babies that I considered plastic surgery.

Mothers, by nature, are givers. We take care of our children, our husbands, our coworkers, other family members and friends
all before we think of ourselves. It’s rare for a mom to schedule time or activities just for herself, without feeling some degree of guilt that she’s taking time away from her family or work.

My body image is directly related to my self-esteem and how I view myself. When I feel fit, healthy and sexy, everyone benefits. My family sees a happy, confident, energetic mother who serves as a great role model.

Finding Pride in a Mother’s Body

I am proud of this body. It made two beautiful children. This is the body God gave me and I’m grateful. I’ve put in the work, I’ve lost over 40 pounds in the last year and a half, and I continue to workout and eat healthy almost every day. I’m full of energy and overall happier with my transformation. Yet, the excess skin is still there, and I’m self-conscious of my mid-section and my nonexistent boobs. I want to look as good as I feel. My children see me push through every workout. They see me say no to desserts (most of the time). Now, I want them to see my happiness. I want to see my gains in the mirror but all I see is a big stomach.

It is NOT selfish or vain for a woman to want to look good! A mother deserves to look as fit, youthful and toned as she can. Who wouldn’t want to look their very best physical self?

How a mother feels about herself as a wife and a woman is integral to her body image and self-esteem. When we look our best, we feel more secure and reflect that to others, exuding confidence, happiness and overall attractiveness. When a mother feels confident about her body, she is happier overall, her marriage benefits and so does her relationship with her children.

The Pros and Cons of Having Plastic Surgery

I know the pros and cons of having plastic surgery but the struggle I can’t seem to come to terms with is: how can I explain to my daughter that you should love yourself the way you are and that the way you look on the outside doesn’t matter, then turn around and get plastic surgery to fix something about me? However, she sees me struggle and my want for something I can’t seem to obtain on my own. Should that be enough justification? Does it make me a bad mom to say one thing and do another?

For a mom to want to take care of herself and feel youthful, feminine and attractive is NOT self-centered or unreasonable.

Having a surgical procedure is a BIG DEAL. Surgery should not be taken lightly, and planning for recovery time and help with child care, driving and the usual activities of daily living after plastic surgery is extremely important.

As long as you can afford the time needed for surgical recovery, have help in caring for your children and understand fully the risks of surgery, I can completely understand why a mom would consider going under the knife! However, knowing that you should love your body and yourself is the main priority. If you’re happy with yourself but want to enhance or better your body, then there’s no problem with considering plastic surgery.

Schedule Your Free Consultation

Did you know Dr. Cassidy Mitchell, plastic and reconstructive surgeon, offers free consultations to answer your questions and help you decide if plastic surgery is right for you.

Learn more
Mallory Connelly

Mallory Connelly

Babies & Toddlers

In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesn’t end, but rather just begins. It’s a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!

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The Financial Burden of Daycare Costs

The Financial Burden of Daycare Costs

by | Jan 28, 2019 | Babies, Toddlers

I have never been more excited and sad to register Collyns for kindergarten. It’s only January but I already filled out the necessary paperwork and made her appointment for her kindergarten physical. August 13 can’t get here soon enough! My last baby will be in school come the fall. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I will cry. But, that means no more full-time daycare! Now I feel like there is a light at the end of this daycare tunnel. Read More

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Living in the Moment

Living in the Moment

by | Jun 18, 2018 | Babies, K-12, Toddlers

In high school, we had to take a survey that asked, “When will you be living your best life?” Childhood, high school, college, adult or retirement? But why is life broken down by stages? Wouldn’t it be better to live in the moment? Read More

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Making Friends in Your 30s

Making Friends in Your 30s

by | May 21, 2018 | Babies, Toddlers

Making new friends is difficult at any age. Though, arguably, the older I get, the harder it becomes. No longer can I rely on a lucky class schedule or a gaggle of neighborhood kids when it comes to making connections. At a certain age, now, I actually kind of have to, you know, work for it (ugh). Read More

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A Week of Single Parenting

A Week of Single Parenting

by | Apr 16, 2018 | Babies, K-12, Toddlers

Recently, my husband went out of town for a week. Leaving me at home with the kids…all by myself! After that long week, I now sing a song of praises to all single parents, especially moms. Read More

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The Romantic Rut

The Romantic Rut

by | Mar 19, 2018 | Babies, K-12, Toddlers

Date night? What’s that? The thing I replaced with “Your turn to bathe the kids” night or “I’m working late again” night. Read More

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Mommy Me Time

Mommy Me Time

by | Jan 22, 2018 | Babies, K-12, Toddlers

We all have our mommy to-do lists. After dropping off the kids, working a full day with deadlines that never end, picking up the kids, making dinner, doing homework, giving baths, reading stories before bed and doing housework, I am too tired to do anything for me. I just put on my pjs and go to sleep. I know that tomorrow will be the same as today. That’s why I realized that taking time for myself is necessary. Read More

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