For my kids, itâs truly the most magical time of the year! For me though, as a mom, itâs also the season of heightened mental load and sensory overload. I feel the weight of planning, coordinating and making sure every moment is brimming with holiday cheer. I want my kids to feel the warm, magical glow of Christmas, but sometimes that magic comes at the expense of my own mental health and ability to enjoy the season.
The Holiday Mental Load for Moms
As moms, we juggle creating holiday magic while managing the everyday grind. My to-do lists are everywhereâon my phone, in my planner, and swirling in my head. With Santa’s arrival approaching, my mental checklist feels endless. This is what researchers call the âmental loadââthe cognitive effort of managing the invisible, ongoing responsibilities of family life. Unlike physical tasks, the mental load involves emotional and intellectual work to keep everything running smoothly. In simple terms, itâs the constant thinking about âwhat needs to be done.â
I wish I had a magic solution to ease the mental load for fellow moms during the holidays, but I donât. Moms are experts at juggling priorities and managing time like pros. Yet, letâs be honestâwe often like things done a certain way, which makes delegating tricky. Add to that the endless tasks we shoulder, and itâs no wonder this season feels overwhelming. Still, even amidst the chaos, itâs worth pausing to appreciate the effort we put into making the holidays magical for our families.
Recognize Your Efforts & Find Connection
Simply acknowledging that the holiday season is exhausting, recognizing that our mental load has increased, and accepting that this is a hard time of year can be empowering for a mom. I find so much comfort in connecting with other moms, swapping stories about the chaos, the laughter and the love in our lives this time of year. Whether itâs sharing something funny our partner did or our need to control all the things, those conversations remind us weâre in this togetherâand thatâs a gift in itself.
Embrace the Power of Movement
I canât wrap this up without sharing what I think is the ultimate tool for managing the holiday mental load: the power of movement. Physical activity wonât shrink your to-do list, but it can make it feel lighter. You donât need an intense gym session (unless thatâs your thing!). Just do something joyfulâa quick dance to your favorite song or a brisk walk around the block. Bonus points if you move with a fellow mom. Sharing laughs and experiences while getting active is like therapy for the soul.
A Message to Fellow Moms
As I finish writing this post at 6 a.m., with my one-year-old resting her head on my hand while refusing to sleep (because why sleep, right?), I just want to say to my fellow moms:
I see you. The mental load is real, and you are not alone. Take a moment to pauseâgrab your favorite drink, breathe and carve out an hour (or two) just for yourself to relax and recharge. The holiday season may be chaotic, but you deserve a little peace amidst the madness!
Cassidy Vineyard Pflanz
Iâm originally from North Platte, NE, and Lincoln has been my home for more than a decade. My husband, Justin, and I have been married for almost ten years. We welcomed our first child, Maxwell, during the pandemic, and our youngest, Zoey, arrived in a much calmer chapter of history.
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Justin and I are both small business ownersâhis in the motorsports industry, and mine as a personal trainer and social media manager. Our flexible schedules have allowed us to prioritize family life. When I have a spare moment, you can find me diving into photography, a good book, a favorite podcast, or the kitchen. Motherhood may not be as glamorous as social media makes it out to beâitâs demanding, exhausting, and often messyâbut I canât wait to share the beautifully messy journey with you!
Let’s start with our dimmer. We actually have a mutual dimmer. My middle kiddo started throwing up yesterday, and then threw up until about 3:00 in the morning. And then I called Rachel to say, “Hey, we had a rough night. Our kids may not want to get together while we’re recording this episode.”
My kids usually go to her house while we record, and everyone’s so happy because they love being together, but Rachel’s youngest was also up almost all night throwing up and all day today.
Anyway, we’re both running on fumes from last night and all the laundry and cleaning today. I’m sure all you moms can feel this and hopefully this bug has long gone by the time you read this. Because it was one of those days where you wake up and are already ready for bed. I’ve been awake for 20 minutes, but already counting down.
There were moments when my daughter would gag, but my body was so tired. So I would turn and look and do the hand catch. I was too tired to grab a bucket. I got it. My mom instincts are on point.
Rachelâs November Glimmer
To add a glimmer, we put up our Christmas decorations yesterday. It’s amazing and brings me so much joy. We have a front room with a beautiful window, and my husband and I love driving home and seeing our tree lights in that window. But we have a second living room in the back, which is where we spend all of our time. So, this year, I really wanted a tree in our back room, too, to feel the magic everywhere in our house.
We found a flocked tree at Home Depot. I’ve always wanted a flocked tree. Like, forever, I’ve wanted one. It’s so beautiful, and I’m just so happy because now I have Christmas magic in both rooms.
Plus, John put lights up on the house today. He got the lights up before it got too cold. I’ll take this 60 degree November.
For sure! My son Brecken has his birthday party this weekend. Last year, it was this nice out, too, so we had it at our family’s cabin. So, about two months ago, he said he wanted to have it at the cabin again. I just remember saying, “Okay, buddy, but I can’t promise it’s going to be the way it was last year when it was so beautiful.” And now here we are, and it is.
Ashleeâs Childhood Christmas Traditions
We’re going to get into our topic this monthâChristmas, specifically Santa. What did your childhood look like in terms of Santa? Was Santa a part of your Christmas?
Yes, Santa was a part of our Christmas, and my dad didn’t spend a lot of money or do very much, I would say, throughout the year as far as purchasing things for us. But when Christmas came, I feel like he always pulled out all the stops. Although he never stopped saying that it wasn’t Santa. Even when I was old enough to have thought things through, he would never admit to anything.
I know my mom obviously helped with that too. But for whatever reason, my dad really sticks in my memory for the Santa portion of it because I just loved how much he loved doing it. I learned later that was something that his parents did. They never, ever said that it wasn’t Santa. They just were always Santa believers and always Santa’s magic.
Our little routine was we had to milk the cows first, which sounds so funny. But I grew up on a dairy farm. We had breakfast, biscuits and gravy. Then, we cleaned all of the breakfast first. Only then could we line up, usually youngest to oldest, at the door to the family room. I was the youngest, so I got to go first and see Santa’s gifts by the stockings. It was always really magical.
What about you?
Rachelâs Childhood Christmas Traditions
Very similar. I was an only child, though. So there was no lining up. My day was more like getting up as early as I could, and I would go into my parents’ room and bug them.
My parents were always early risers, like 6:30 kind of people. And I would go in there and bounce on the bed and repeat, “Can we get up now? Can we get up now?” To which they said, “We have to wait until 6:00.” It was 4:30.
Once it hit 6:00, we would start with the stockings. Actually, a tradition that my grandma, my dad’s mom, did that I love that I’ve carried on with our kids is they took the stockings and fill them up, and then they actually set it on the foot of each kid’s bed so that when they wake up in the morning, they’re just sitting right there ready to open. That way, they can open them in their room and then come in and show us all the excitement. As a child, I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and hear the jingle on the end of my bed. And it’d feel so magical and surprising, like “He arrived!”
Those little things that you pass on bring back joy from your own childhood when you do them with your own kids. It’s just so great.
After stockings, we opened one Santa gift. We never had the conversation or questioned Santa. We went along with it.
Holiday Traditions We Still Do
So then what did you take from your childhood that you now use with your kids, and is there anything you changed?
Obviously, we don’t milk the cows in the morning. We don’t do breakfast before we open presents. We’ve adjusted.
Part of it is because the kids have to walk through the living room to get to the kitchen. My childhood home could be closed off, but it can’t here. The biggest thing I’ve carried with me is the transformation that takes place overnight. I didn’t realize that tradition would stick with my kids as much as it has. It’s the same with birthdays or other holidaysâthat transformation gets them so excited.
For Rachel’s traditions, my kids write letters to Santa, and we do stockings at the end of their bed, of course. We have a gift from Santa next to the stockings, sometimes an occasional one under the tree.
Questions About Santa
We want to talk a little more about as our kids get older and they start asking questions about Santaâunlike us who just went along with it. Inevitably, I think someâor at least oneâof our kids will ask at some point.
In fact, my oldest already has. She point blank asked, “Mommy, is Santa real?” And my response is always the same. I draw in her curiosity. I ask, “What do you think?” It always brings up a great conversation. Sometimes they want to share what they think more than they want to hear what an adult has to say, you know?
Even for questions like, “How would Santa get into our house?” or “How does Santa get all around the world in one night?” All those questions are really great questions. And getting their mind thinking, “Yeah, how would that work?” is actually a good thing.
It’s simple, too, because the answer is one of two thingsâthere’s either a helper here or it’s magic. And it’s fun to believe in magic. It’s also totally okay if you don’t. And if you have a different person or a different figure that is Santa or represents that for them, that’s okay, too.
I know some families, for example, might not have enough money to buy a gift from mom and dad and from Santa. So for that reason, it might just be that they would rather take credit for the thought and hard work and money saved to give their children gifts rather than give the credit to somebody else that they don’t know.
Set Expectations
Ashlee has also had conversations with her kiddos asking questions. One of the reasons we ended up needing to have it was because I didn’t set very good expectations for what they could ask for. So that’s maybe a good little tip.
My oldest asked for a necklace that turns her into a mermaid and a fairy. Or can I have a real Pegasus? Or my daughter wants a real baby.
So, one Christmas I thought I could make a version of her necklace. So, I made a little chest and filled it with a blanket mermaid tail and a necklace that looked just like Sophia’s. When she opened her gift on Christmas Day, she was so disappointed and so sad. She said, “If Santa has all this magic, why can’t he share a little with me?” That broke me.
Another instance of setting expectations was about finances. We talk about that in our household. So, one time, my daughter asked, “Mom, you know best thing about Christmas? You can ask for anything, and it doesn’t cost any money! So if you want a boat, ask for a boat.” That’s when I knew I needed to set some limits.
The final reason we knew it was the right time to talk to our kids about this was because my middle daughter is a deep thinker. When she was two going on three, we were telling her Santa was going to come and drop off gifts and fill stockings. She could not go to bed that night because she was so afraid of a man breaking into the house. She was so afraid. A stranger was coming into our house at night while we’re sleeping. Total freak out. So that backfired, too.
Explain Santa as a Figure
So how did we have the conversation? My second child was very point blank and had a few cousins that are older that had talked. So when she asked, “Is this real or not?” we had a conversation about Santa as a figure.
Speaking about Santa as a figure, I had a couple quotes I wanted to read. “We believe Santa is a spirit of happiness and kindness. Santa isn’t one person anymore but a kind, loving feeling that comes from being together and doing kind things for each other.” This way, if you think about it more abstract, that’s one way that might resonate with kids.
Or you can even explain, “In the past, there was a real man named Saint Nicholas who lived in a place called Turkey hundreds of years ago. He delivered toys to children at Christmas time. Today, we celebrate the Spirit of Saint Nicholas, who we now call Santa, by giving generously at Christmas.”
Either approach takes the focus off Santa and recenters the act of giving and generosity and love and caring about people and showing that we care through gift giving.
Make Them Part of the Magic
So after that conversation and they know, what do you do? Instead of just saying, “Sorry, kid. You’re on your own. No more gifts for you. The magic is ruined now that you know the truth.” make them a part of the magic. So it feels like they’re in on the secret. You’re in on the fun.
Say things like, “I’d love for you to stay up with me tonight, and we can fill the stockings together, and we can set the gifts up together.” Then the magic is still there but in a new and exciting way where they’re a helper.
My oldest, who knows, still gets so excited about the fact that there’s going to be some magical transformation that happens overnight even though she knows I do it. She appreciates it.
Donât Ruin Santa for Other Kids
So then, how do you navigate and have those conversations around other kids who still fully believe, and your kids might know more than they do, and you still want to be respectful of these other kids? Because I feel like it was the worst when you’re a kid and somebody’s like, “Santa is not real.” And you’re like, “Yes, he is!” Because then you’re starting to question and you’re self conscious about if you sound silly.
Basically, you don’t want to have a kid that’s ruining the magic for other kids. So to avoid that, we talked with our kiddos about how the magic is very real. So if someone says anything, we want to preserve that for them. Or we want to have their parents be the ones that have that conversation with them. That actually works for a few topics for us.
Super big props to Ashlee’s middle girl. Last year, Ashlee gave us a dollhouse secondhand that was hers. And we gave it to our youngest from Santa. So when her daughter came over and mine was showing it off to her, saying, “Anna, look at this dollhouse we got from Santa!” I can see Anna looking at me. She knows that’s her dollhouse. That’s not from Santa. I could just see her wheels turning.
I pulled her aside and said, “Anna, I know you know. And I know that this was yours. Thank you so much for not telling my girls because it’s magical, and it’s from Santa.”
After that, she was like, “I got you.” It was so cute and she loved being part of that secret.
How to Give the Feeling the Magic
To recap our list of ways to keep the magic alive for kids, we have:
Decide what your Santa story is as a family
Consider other families’ approaches and respect them
Navigate differences among peers
Have a conversation about Santa as a figure
Respond with empathy and be prepared to listen to whatever their response is when they learn
Focus on being together and understanding that Christmas magic is not all Santa
So much of Christmas magic is the memories that we make, like setting up the Christmas tree, making cookies, finding the Elf on the Shelf, seeing holiday lights, buying presents for people you love and delivering them, volunteering at soup kitchens or coat drives.
There are more ways to create the magic than just believing in Santa. Christmas is more than one thing. Ultimately, what we’re trying to hold onto even as our kids grow and maybe age out of these ideas, is realizing that the magic is still there.
It’s certainly still alive in us. We haven’t talked about our Santa experiences as kids with each other before, so it’s been fun to hear because I watched the way my friend responded and her eyes lit up when she started talking about her dad and her holiday traditions.
So many positive memories came from this time of year when we were children. Now that we’re parents, we want our kids to reflect back positively on these moments like we do. We never want them to feel like their parents lied to them their whole childhood. Even though it’s technically a lie, it’s done out of the goodness of our hearts, and all of the meaning behind it is from love, you know?
Hopefully, when your kids grow up, they can have the same twinkle in their eye when they’re asked about Christmas as we do. We hope that as your families roll into this holiday season that you get to enjoy the magical feeling and make the best memories and traditions together. We’ll be right there with you trying. You don’t need to do motherhood alone. Come join our village exactly as you are.
Ashlee Hendricks
Real Life Conversations Host
I am a mom to three awesome kids: Ellie, Anna, and Levi. My husband Jon works as a professor at the UNL Business College. While we are not natives to Lincoln (this year marks five years in Nebraska), I did grow up on a dairy farm in southwest Missouri and feel quite at home here. I work as a full-time mom and a part-time nurse at a clinic here in town.
As a family, we are happiest outside and having adventures. We lived in South Carolina before moving here so weâve had to toughen up quite a bit! We love biking, camping and anything involving water. I have been supported and inspired by so many amazing women and men along my parenting journey. Rachel and I have talked a lot about our shortcomings and wins as moms. I hope as we share some of our story that youâll find some relatable information that can nurture and inspire you wherever you are on your journey as a parent. We are all in this together!
Rachel Robinson
Real Life Conversations Host
I was born and raised in Lincoln. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three amazing kids named Ellie, Brecken, and Finley. I worked as a PE teacher at Scott Middle School for 8.5 years and turned into a SAHM when my second kiddo was born. I love being home with my kids. It is so fulfilling to me to be home with them through each stage, to care for them and to be a part of the little details and the big moments in their lives.
My husband, John, is a menâs gymnastics coach at the University of Nebraska. Our kids love to go to the gym and play. We love that they now have a relationship with the college athletes. It is really fun. Go Big Red! I am very excited to be chatting about things motherhood here on CapitalMom. I hope you enjoy and are able to relate as we share our motherhood journeys.
The holiday season is always a busy and delightful one. I enjoy opening up our home to family members, their children and grandkids. Our grandkids are growing older, so several of them are seriously dating others, and we do our best to accommodate everyone. Almost 30 guests will be attending Thanksgiving and Christmas with us this year. Even though Iâm thrilled, I also realize my time with each grandkid gets shorter every year.
A Successful Thanksgiving
Iâm beginning to adjust to hosting 25-30 people for the holidays. Fortunately, Thanksgiving went well, and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. It was quick for everyone, though, because the girls needed to get back to Kansas City and my sister and her family had another event to attend.
Now that Thanksgiving is over, itâll be a quick turnaround to Christmas. I still marvel at how I did everything when I was working full-time at Lincoln Public School. Where did I find the time and the energy? I have plenty of time now, but the energy is limited. I always try to plan some type of prep work to do each day, making sure my baby steps will get me ready before December 25th.
My Struggles With Gift-Giving
Unlike previous years, my grandkids have been really on top of getting their gifts ideas to me early. They are more aware of the sales taking place now and will do what they can to get the gifts they want and need. This year, they all want clothes for work. Iâve already ordered dress shirts, sweaters, pants, jeans and shoes. From sneakers to dress shoes to Birkenstocks, everyone in my family is getting a new pair of shoes.
Even though the kids have done a great job texting me their wishlists, I worry that I won’t order their requested items correctly. Somehow, I always manage to get the wrong size, color or number of shoes. One time, I ordered what I thought was one pair of tennis shoes, but I received two. All turned out well because the second pair fit me. Bonus!
The other thing that usually throws me off is trying to find the gift receipt for the orders. Why donât they send a printed receipt on the package anymore? Iâm all for saving and recycling paper, but what the heck?
Lastly, John and I create traditional Christmas gift tags on each personâs presents, which takes additional time. We always think itâs funny to make up a name for who the gift is from. We sit down at our laptops and ask Google for ideas. As an example, we’d search for people who always wear tennis shoes and use their name to indicate thatâs who gave our family the gift. The person could be famous or not, but it provides a clue to what the gift might be. It also provides a good laugh for everyone. Even Santa. Ho Ho Ho.
I have four grandchildren ages 14-17. In some ways, Iâm a very typical grandma, always proud of everything the kids do and wanting to help support them in whatever way I can. In other ways, Iâm not very typical. My goal as a blogger is to share my thoughts and experiences that I think are funny and meaningful as I adventure through grandmahood.
Elvis once sang about feeling blue at Christmas time, and Iâm here to tell you: Itâs perfectly normal to feel that way.
There are many reasons why your days may not be merry and bright around the holiday season. Jam-packed social calendars, deadlines at work, loss of a loved one, sunless, dark winter days, financial pressures surrounding gift givingâŠsound familiar?
Still, you can prepare and hopefully deflect some of the increased stress of the season. Itâs important to realize that you have more control than you think. Here are six common issues that come up this time of year, followed by ways to address them.
1. Youâre Lacking the âHoliday Spiritâ
Being surrounded by cheeriness can be difficult when you donât feel the same level of enthusiasm as others. The pressure to be social, happy and present can make it hard to speak up if you feel otherwise.
Recognize that you donât need to force yourself to be happy and that itâs good to acknowledge feelings that arenât joyful; remember that you are not alone in feeling this way.
Trying to numb or avoid feelings by using alcohol or other substances just worsens anxiety and depression.
If possible, surround yourself with people who feel similarly; celebrate your traditions or create new ones.
2. Youâre Overwhelmed by Grief and Loss
If you are living with grief, loss, trauma or loneliness, it can be easy to compare your situation to othersâ, and this can increase feelings of loneliness or sadness. Check in with yourself so that youâll have realistic expectations for how the holiday season will be. Gently remind yourself that as circumstances change, traditions will change as well.
If holiday observances seem inauthentic right now, you do not need to force yourself to celebrate.
Perhaps connect with a support group, therapist, faith community or friends who understand.
Let your loved ones know how they can support you, whether itâs helping you with shopping or meeting up for a regular walk. Often, people want to help, but donât know what to say or where to start.
3. Youâre Feeling Pressured to Participate in Activities You’d Rather Not
We all have our own personal history with holidays. We have visions about the ways the holidays are “supposed” to be, which can be a distorted perspective.
Recognize that most people feel at least a little stressed during the season.
Prioritize the most important activities, or schedule get-togethers for after the holidays, and learn to say no if you need to.
Make a schedule of when you will do your shopping, baking and cleaningâand be sure to include time to take care of yourself.
Instead of spending the holidays the way you think you “should,” opt for an activity you actually feel like doing, whether itâs making a favorite dish or having a Netflix marathon.
Regardless of your plans, try to make your intentions known to friends and family early in the holiday season so everyone knows what to expect.
4. Youâre Stressed About Giving Gifts
Itâs so common to get caught up in the commercialization of the holidays. We can feel stressed about spending on a strained budget or trying to find just the right gift. Advertisers take advantage of our susceptibility and make us feel as if we need to buy more than we can. But giving to others is not about spending money. We need to remind ourselves that we are the ones creating that anxiety, and we can reduce it by setting realistic expectations.
Consider how much money you can comfortably spend and stick to the amount.
If purchasing gifts for everyone is difficult, consider having a secret Santa or white elephant exchange to reduce the number of items everyone needs to buy.
Simply let people know you are unable to give gifts this year.
Sometimes personal giftsâlike a poem, short story or framed photoâare the best ones. How about the gift of helping a neighbor, a friend, a family member or a stranger? Itâs the act of giving that is more important than a present. Our generosity can be a gift to ourselves, because when we focus on others and less on ourselves, we tend to reduce our anxiety.
5. Thereâs Not Much Sunlight, and Itâs Affecting Your Mood
In the northern hemisphere, the holidays coincide with winterâs lack of available sunlight. Less exposure to natural light can lead to new or increased symptoms of depression.
Try to get as much sunlight as possible.
To boost your mood and regulate sleep, schedule outdoor exercise in the middle of the day when the sun is brightest. If you can, work near a window throughout the day. Even outfitting your home with warm, bright lighting can help improve your mood.
If you feel the need to slow your pace and stay home this time of year, consider reframing the winter months as an opportunity to work on âquieterâ projects and activities suited for the indoors, such as writing, knitting or taking online courses.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a more severe form of the winter blues. If you feel hopeless, have suicidal thoughts, or changes in appetite and sleep patterns, talk to your doctor. Effective treatments for SAD include light therapy, talk therapy and medication.
6. Youâre Alone or Feeling Isolated
While itâs true that many of us have friends and family to connect with during the holiday season, we can still have feelings of isolation. If you have a predisposition to depression or anxiety, it can be hard to reach out to others.
Remind yourself of the people, places and things that make you happy. Consider scheduling a call or video chat with friends or loved ones on a weekly or biweekly basis so you donât have to think twice about making the effort.
Take advantage of other ways to connect, including sending out holiday cards and communicating with family and friends by phone, text, email and social media.
Calming activities, such as reading, meditating and gratitude journaling, can be positive ways to spend time if you are alone or donât feel comfortable in social situations.
Remember self-care! We hear about the importance of a balanced diet, moderate exercise and plenty of sleep, but because there are so many distractions and stressors this time of year, we lose sight of some of these basic necessities. We need to take care of ourselves in order to navigate the holiday season.
Donât be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone, even though it may feel like it. If you have been feeling anxious or depressed for more than two weeks, or if the holidays are long gone and you are still feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, please take one of our free, confidential online screenings, or talk to your primary care or mental health care provider.
Stacy Waldron, PhD, is a licensed psychologist at Bryan Counseling Center. She provides treatment for individuals of all ages and specializes in working with adolescents and adults.
Every year, kids across the country look forward to Halloween, mine included. Itâs a night of dressing up in costumes and going door-to-door asking for treats. It’s almost as much fun when Iâm the one passing out Halloween candy to adorable little ones in disguise. But what about trick-or-treaters who aren’t so little anymore? Should preteens/teens still be able to enjoy a night of trick-or-treating?
My Fond Memories of Trick-or-Treating
For my part, I trick-or-treated well into my late teens. I must have been at least 16 before I stopped for good. I loved making my own costumes and amassing an unholy amount of candy and counting it all up at the end of the night. Even once I started working and could have used the money to buy my own candy whenever I wanted, that wasnât the point. My Halloween stash felt differently earned.
Maybe some of my neighbors judged me toward the end of my trick-or-treating tenure. Maybe you are judging me nowâand thatâs fine. I was old enough to weigh the balance and to conclude that Iâd trade a couple of disapproving stares for a pile of my favorite candy, Reeseâs Pumpkins.
Parenting an Older Trick-or-Treater
But now my son is almost 13 and has me questioning if he’s too old to trick-or-treat. 2022 was his last year going with his father. His father loves dressing up and going with the kids door-to-door. Every year, they decorate the house, carve pumpkins and plan out their costumes way in advance.
This year, Cohen plans to wear all black with a light-up mask, nothing too kiddish or scary but something that still qualifies as a costume. And instead of going with Dad, he has plans to go with his friends. I trust him and his friends, and I think itâs harmless fun.
How to Set Boundaries for Your Kids on Halloween
I have never questioned Cohenâs motives. He hasnât done anything to prove me wrong. However, when he asked to go with his friends, I did reiterate trick-or-treating etiquette. It should still be the same even though he isnât going with an adult.
I reminded him that his late-evening behavior needs to always be appropriateâespecially with so many families with young kids out and about. While kids of all ages should say âtrick or treatâ and âthank you,â itâs especially important that he and his friends mind their manners. I want him to let the little ones go first and treat them with respect. Sugared-up preteens can get excited and forget that Halloween is a big deal for younger children.
Luckily, Halloween is on a school night this year, so I told him that homework needed to be completed before heading out. He also needs to be home at a certain time, especially if he and his sister plan to sit on the floor and barter with their candy before bed.
The Bottom Line: You’re Never Too Old for Halloween
Overall, thereâs no clear cutoff for trick or treating. Each parent is free to establish their own ground rules for this holiday, but I say embrace the idea that preteens and teens aren’t too old to enjoy the innocent fun of touring the neighborhood collecting candy. Whatâs most important for me is that my kids enjoy themselves and follow the rules we set.
So, whether your child wants to trick-or-treat until they graduate high school or theyâre over it as soon as they enter middle school, both are okay. Just make sure everyone is having fun and enjoying the tradition. After all, trick-or-treating is a custom for kids of all agesâplus, this way I still get my Reeseâs Pumpkins!
In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesnât end, but rather just begins. Itâs a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!
Our family had a wonderful holiday, and my grown grandkids are once again believers in Santa Claus.
Iâve tried multiple times to get my grandkids together to go on a quick trip around Christmas. In the past, when the grandkids were on holiday vacation, we took several trips to Disney World and California. It was an adventure. The weather and airlines were always perfect. We havenât been able to recreate that magic lately. College and work schedules won’t cooperate, but that doesn’t stop me from researching places they’d find enjoyable.
This year, I wanted to provide my grandkids with a meaningful experience. I often volunteer with my church to build homes in Guatemala, so I made a donation to the cause in my grandkids’ names. Secretly, I also hoped they could join me in Guatemala to build the home.
The Big Reveal
After opening our gifts on Christmas, I showed my four grandchildren a video of a Guatemalan family thanking Constru Casa for the contributions and efforts made by our church to build their family a new home. When the grandkids saw the video, they were a little confused. They knew I had visited Guatemala several times to help build homes, but they had no idea why I was showing them the video.
It was then that I revealed to them that I had sent Constru Casa funds for a new homeâthat the building would have a plaque next to the front door with their names on it. Iâve never seen them so quiet. I also told them I was planning to help with the build, and I would pay for their trips and time to join me if they could.
Real Christmas Miracles
Tears of joy sprang to their eyes. My grandkids, who are always talking, had nothing to say. I loved it! Very rarely do they get overcome with emotion. I know it may never happen again.
I explained that the dates for the build hadn’t been set yet, that the real Christmas miracleâgetting time off and actually making it happenâwas still to come. I understood if they couldn’t plan around school and work without a solid timeframe. But they want to get their hands dirty, so I’m starting my investigation.
When will the build take place? Will I be able to build? Will any of my grandkids be able to join me?
This story isn’t over. It will be continued when I have more information. For now, I’m excited by the possibility. Weâre giving back and helping to make a family’s life better. I know that my grandkids, whether they join in person or vicariously, will have this project to be proud of forever.
I have four grandchildren ages 14-17. In some ways, Iâm a very typical grandma, always proud of everything the kids do and wanting to help support them in whatever way I can. In other ways, Iâm not very typical. My goal as a blogger is to share my thoughts and experiences that I think are funny and meaningful as I adventure through grandmahood.
The start of a new yearâan opportunity to start fresh, set goals and resolutions, and on and on and on. Somewhere, someone has already given up on their resolutions just reading this never-ending laundry list. Here are my recommendations for creating a New Year’s resolution that will actually stick.
Making Resolutions in the New Year
I usually find something to define my yearâa word, a song verse or even a vision board. But this time, as I try to type out my intentions for 2023, the delete key on my keyboard is getting plenty of use. I’ll write a line, press the delete key, type another word, and hit delete again and again.
I keep thinking this is the year of better health in all dimensionsâphysically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. I want to be better at listening, taking in less caffeine, consistently journaling, meal prepping more often, and spreading more kindness, joy, and grace. I just want to be better in every aspect.
Do Your Goals Need to Be SMART?
The teacher in me shouts, âGoals need to be SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and timebound,” and âJust be betterâ is certainly not specific or easily measurable.
But being better is relevant and attainable. As we raise our children, being better is definitely relevant. Not being better than someone else, but making ourselves better. We can all aspire to “just be better”.
How to “Just Be Better” in 2023
But how am I going to be better this year? I’m going to create micro goals around my health and use the three-layer goal-setting method instead of the SMART system. Here’s what that looks like for me:
For the first 10 days of January, I’ll get better in two areas (maybe journaling and meal prepping).
On days 11-20, I’ll add another area (like taking in less caffeine) and be better in a total of three areas.
In the last 11 days of January, I’ll add another, more challenging area (like extending more grace) for a total of four areas.
These micro goals will lay a foundation in my first month and make achieving a vague goalâlike better healthâmore likely. Plus, these layers will allow me to focus when it’s incredibly easy to get off track in the snowy winter months. No excuses, just plenty of sticky notes to remind me to be a better person than yesterday.
So, if you’re like me and not sure how to set goals this year, just choose to be better.
My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a âtag-team chauffeuringâ service, yet I wouldnât have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.
The grief bubbles up unbidden. I never know when or where it will surface, but inevitably it comes when I least want it. My mom contracted COVID-19 six months ago. She nearly died of complications from the virus. The anticipatory grief I experienced was different from the residual grief I feel now â grief over the many losses that came as a result of Momâs sudden change in health.
As a hospital chaplain, I regularly interact with patients, family members, and staff who are experiencing dying, death, and grief. The process of grieving often strips away the surface layers of a personâs life, revealing new depth and meaning, as well as flaws. And most people donât like that last bit.
We struggle with imperfection, just like we struggle with loss and injustice and the profound sense of âmissingâ that grief brings. I think the holidays often highlight those feelings. We want to feel a thrill of hope and joyful anticipation of good to come. Instead, we might be wondering if we are biologically related to the Grinch. The simple answer? No, we are just grieving.
I have found it helpful to be honest with myself about loss this year. Instead of “shoulding” on myself â thinking I should feel this or that emotion, then working to replace what I really feel with said emotion â I take a step back from the emotion. I name it for what it is and then ask myself, âWhat is this connected to in your life?â Often, the source was a memory that needed to be acknowledged before I could accept the loss and let go of the grief.
Experiencing New Joy
Letting go of grief doesn’t mean getting over the loss. Rather, thinking about the loss no longer causes pain. There is now room for new experiences and the making of happy memories even while remembering the past. Through the years, people have shared the following strategies that have helped them balance the two:
Remember and acknowledge your loved one in meaningful ways.
Take good care of yourself by eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, getting moderate exercise and choosing activities that nourish your soul.
Limit social gatherings to what brings you joy and helps lift your spirits.
Limit the extraneous stuff â decorations, cards, gifts, shopping â and delegate tasks that seem overwhelming or too emotional. Family and friends are often eager to help with these things.
Start a new tradition or new variation on an old tradition. For instance, if you always opened presents after church on Christmas Eve, try having a family brunch and opening presents on Christmas morning.
Connecting with Others
Every personâs experience of grief is different. Sometimes, it can feel as though grief has isolated us from the support of our family, friends or faith community. If you or someone you care about is struggling with grief and loss, resources are available to help you reconnect. Please reach out.
Grief and Loss Resources
Here are a few resources you may want to consider:
Nearly five years later, I can still vividly see my mom at her quilting machine. Perfectly piecing together different colors of fabric and swiftly moving them through the sewing machine. I can remember seeing my auntsâ watery eyes glisten when they opened a quilt handcrafted by mom. I think of a wintry weekend when I asked mom to sew 11 different quilts to give away, and without hesitation, we were piecing and quilting away.
A Mother’s Love Language
Yet, when I think about momâs quilts, I think of her precious time. Mom had an impeccable eye for detail, and each quilt had its own story. That’s why she poured so many hours into her craft. I think about all the conversations that were had and prayers that were said while she quilted away.
I always thought my momâs love language was gifting. However, I now realize her true languages were quality time and acts of service. These two languages just happened to be given away in the form of quilts.
Remembering Gammy
One day, in a long overdue conversation with my middle daughter, Addi, I sensed sadness and heartache. She was missing her Gammy.
As we remembered mom, quilts naturally took center stage. I was going through a âmind catalogâ of the innumerable quilts mom carefully crafted. Addi mentioned her favorite Gammy quilt was the one with the Minky material. I reminisced about the baby doll quilts mom would make when our daughters were little. I also thought of our wedding quilt, the one stored away for no hands to touch.
One Gift Greater Than Quilts
Then, my mind turned to my momâs mother, her sisters, her best friend, my mother-in-law, her quilting circle, and anyone who spent even an hour creating with her. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, this moment wasnât just about mom. It was about sharing this heartfelt conversation and uninterrupted time with Addi.
This Christmas season, just like many others, all I want is a quilt from my mother. While I’ll never receive a quilt made from my momâs hands again, this conversation with Addi showed me the true gift from momâs quilts is the time we give away to spend with the ones we love.
My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a âtag-team chauffeuringâ service, yet I wouldnât have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.
Itâs November 1 and the Walmart toy catalog has arrived. You look and see that things have already been circled and an entire page has a large circle around every toy. This is what happens every year. The toys wanted are circled with my kidsâ names next to them, so I of course know who wants what under the tree. But this year, my daughter was the only one with things circled. Why? Because my son only wants an Xbox. A $500 gift. But he knows âSantaâ wonât get him an Xbox because thatâs too expensive, so he is asking everyone for cash.
Should Kids Get Cash for Christmas?
But cash for Christmas perhaps youâre thinking: What? Are your kids too good for toys now? Or maybe youâre stuck on the idea that giving someone money is so impassive and unsentimental. Of course, the last thing I want to do is disappoint my kids, but I want to make sure theyâre old enough to appreciate getting cold, hard cash instead of traditional gifts.
If you are like most families, your kids have enough stuff. Asking for money can be uncomfortable, no doubt. Itâs about setting the stage, letting the gift-giver know the reasoning behind the request and what the money will be used for. There are lots of opinions about the good and bad of giving money as a giftâor, gasp, asking for money as a gift. And when done incorrectly, yes, it can come off as rude and selfish.
However, there are a few reasons why you might want to consider foregoing traditional gifts and asking for money instead. Cohen doesnât play with toys. He is at that age where itâs either soccer or video games. He is trying to save money for an Xbox. I realized the older the kids, the more expensive the gifts. He doesnât want the traditional gift, nor does he need it, so heâs asking grandpa, grandpa, aunts and uncles for money. Sure, he could use another pair of pants so if his grandma wants to go shopping, I will suggest that option.
Gifting Money is Practical & Useful
But, for now, I am tactfully encouraging my family members to give money. I am proposing ways to make it fun for them to give cash.
There are a few ways you can do this. If Cohen wanted to use the money for sports or other lessons, I would invite his family members to recitals or games. I want them to see the joy he gets from the activity and know the part they played in helping create that joy.
After Cohen saves enough for him to accomplish his dream of owning an Xbox, I plan to send family members a video or some pictures. I want them to see Cohen embracing and enjoying what their monetary gift helped achieve.
So rather it be a Barbie for Collyns, yes, her gifts are still easy to buy or cash for Cohen, thereâs no hard and fast rule regarding giving cash as gifts. The truth is no one in my family needs 37 gifts. Getting off the gift-giving merry-go-round starts with a frank discussion with friends and family.
The great thing about gifting money is itâs practical and useful. Secondly, it will save everyone time from lining up at those shopping malls, and lastly, Cohen will actually love getting cash especially if you present it in a creative way. I already started pinning ideas on how to give cash as a gift on Pinterest.
Believe it or not, the gift of cash will be the best present heâll receive this Christmas!
In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesnât end, but rather just begins. Itâs a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!
Growing up, did my mom go overboard during the Christmas season? Absolutely. Did she go overboard with the gifts? Absolutely. Did she go overboard with food? Oh goodness, absolutely. Did she go overboard in the generosity department? Absolutely. And, this is why I am grateful. You see, I may not have appreciated my momâs gift prior to being an adult, but she was extremely generous with the giving of her time and quilting.
One Christmas mom quilted 13 quilts for every person in our family. The prior Christmas she created 11 different quilts for a family of 12. She also created one special quilt to be given to each aunt on my dadâs side for 11 consecutive years. Before her illness, she also found time to spend with her sisters and mom making quilts. Generosity in the purest form.
How Quilting Keeps Me Connected to My Mom
It took me well into my adult life to fully appreciate the detail, the time, and the love it took to make a single quilt. My mom tried to teach me multiple times to quiltâŠI just did not have the patience. I did however become a pro at pressing material. Mom also sat down with both of our girls to teach them the basics of sewing.
Unbeknownst to us, this was all part of a bigger plan that would show up years later. I am far from being the master quilter, but I am trying. With the help of a dear friend, who loves to quilt and shows an exuberant amount of patience, I jumped the fear hurdle. I am not sure if it was the daunting idea of such a huge project, but I pulled out my momâs sewing machine and her material to make a quilt book for a little girl who is incredibly special to our family.
Making Quilts of My Own
Just as my mom gave of her time to make beautiful quilts, I know it is not about the quilt itself. I realize it is all about the quality time I am spending with my daughter and friend. It is about the imperfect sewing lines that make this project special. It is about the smile I envision on Nicklynâs face when she plays with her quiet book as I make each cut, sew each piece or even use the seam ripper. It is about the love in my hands and the joy in my heart, knowing I am creating something special, which is exactly what my mom did each new year.
My husband and I have three kids. Our oldest is a freshman in high school, and our youngest is in second grade. Most days, I feel like we are a âtag-team chauffeuringâ service, yet I wouldnât have our life any other way. Not only I am a business/technology teacher at Milford, I am also the district technology integration specialist. I love teaching because I get the opportunity to make those around me better. My hope is that, through my blogging, I am able to inspire, encourage, and share with you my adventures of being a wife, mother, and professional.
The holidays are fast approaching, and with them, a question that has haunted me each of the past few Christmases: Will this be the year my kids stop believing in Santa? If they ask, how do I tell them the truth? And how do I tell them the true meaning of Santa? The holidays are a magical time of year, but for parents, the Santa issue can pose a real dilemma.
The Questions Have Already Started
My son is 10 and in 5th grade. For the last two years, he has questioned the realness of Santa. And of course, there are those kids who try and spoil it for everyone and make him wonder. Even though I know itâs natural, Iâm not ready for my wide-eyed, innocent, trusting baby to be a logical, thoughtful, questioning human. I donât want the days of his implicit trust in me to be a thing of the past.
I know the magic of being a kid can only last so long. But this year, I am trying to hold on for one more moment. But inevitably, I will have to tell him that Santa Claus is not really one single, human with a big belly, a white beard, flying reindeer, and an arsenal of magical tools without which Christmas would not happen. On the plus side, I might not have to do elf on a shelf anymore.
My son continues to ask me if Santa is real and my response, âIf Santa werenât real, who bought you these gifts?â He never assumes itâs me because he thinks that Iâm cheap. Plus, he knows I would never create the mess the elves make so it canât be mom or dad.
But this made me realize that maybe we shouldnât be telling our kids about Santa from the beginning. If I could do it all over again, I would have been honest about Santa. It may sound strange, but I truly think itâs possible to believe in Santa without believing heâs real.
One Way to Keep the Magic Alive
I would have explained to them that, no, Santa isnât a real person like me and you. He doesnât really live at the North Pole with a bunch of cute little elves and reindeer, and he doesnât really fly around the world in one night jumping down chimneys and delivering gifts. But Iâd also tell them that this is a magical story that a lot of people love to pretend is real when itâs Christmas time. However, this idea of Santa may be the way I break the news to Cohen.
Another mom shared this letter, and if Cohen asks again this year, I believe this is how I will respond, maybe not in a letter but with similar words.
Dear (Child),
You asked a really good question. âAre Mom and Dad really Santa?â We know that you want to know the answer and we had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. We are not Santa. There is no one single Santa.
We are the people who fill your stocking and choose the presents under the treeâjust as our parents did for us, their parents did for them and you will probably do for your kids someday.
This could never make any of us Santa, though. Santa is lots and lots of people who keep the spirit of Christmas alive. He lives in our heartsânot at the North Pole. Santa is the magic and love and spirit of giving to others. What he does is teach children to believe in something they canât see or touch. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe in yourself, in your family, in your friends and in God.
Youâll need to be able to believe in things you canât measure or hold in your hands.
Now you know the secret of how he gets down all of those chimneys on Christmas Eve. He has help from all of the people whose hearts he has filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Mommy and Daddy take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible. So no, we are not Santa. Santa is love and magic and happiness. We are on his team and now you are, too.
Letting Our Kids Make Their Own Story
So, whether your kids are on the cusp of seeking out the truth about Santa, or whether youâve got a few more years of childlike innocence to capitalize on, hold this momâs words in your heart. You can empower your kids to spread love, joy and peace, and the true meaning of Santa.
When it comes down to it, the most important thing isnât whether Santa is real or not; itâs all about the space you create around the story. Ultimately, the way you deal with Santa in your home is a very personal choice and something you have to decide for yourself.
In addition to the time I devote to being a mom, I also work full-time outside the home, which means my day is hardly ever as simple as nine to five. With an all-too-established schedule, as soon as I walk through the door, my day doesnât end, but rather just begins. Itâs a balancing act, especially with two children, but being a mom is one full-time job that I never want to quit!
